(Closed) What do you call your FMIL/MIL?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
9520 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Not rude. To me atleast, “Mom” is a respectful term for the person who cleaned your butt, put up with tantrums and raised you through good and bad. When my Mother-In-Law emails or sends me a card she signs it “Jane”/ Mom. I think she wants me to call her mom. Love her, she is a fantastic woman who I respect and care very much care about her but I am not at the Mom level yet. I call her by her first name.

Post # 3
Member
997 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
annaven:  Personally I would never call anyone other than my mother mum, mother etc. As a mother I know I would hate it if my kids did it.

I also felt weird at first calling my Mother-In-Law by her first name too until I realised that I had started to never referre to her by name and it started to feel so rude and awkward. Now I call her by her first name all the time, well actually it’s her nick name that everyone calls her by, her actual first name she only uses with people of her cultural background if that makes sense!

Post # 4
Member
13 posts
Newbee

I will continue to call her by her first name, just like I do now. I couldn’t call anyone besides my mom “mom.” I do call Future Father-In-Law “Dadio,” but I don’t have a dad of my own and he has taken on dad duties for my and my family so I don’t feel wierd about it.

Post # 5
Member
589 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Since DH and I have had our daughter I usually just call them “nanna” and “grandpa” but prior to that I just called them by their first names. I agree it did kind of feel weird to call them by first name at first but it also feels weird to call them mr and mrs C since that’s also my name too lol

Post # 6
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I call them by their first name and my SO calls my parents by first name. Though I was engaged before when I was only 19 and I always called his parents Mr. & Mrs. haha. I was just raised to do that. They always fussed at me and finally toward the end of our relationship I started calling his mom, mom. But I was really close with his mom (probably why I stayed with him so long even though he was a cheater). 

Post # 7
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Definitely her first name. It would never even occur to me to call my Mother-In-Law ‘mum’, I would find that super weird.

Post # 8
Member
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I call my Mother-In-Law by her first name, she has told me she would like me to call her mom “or whatever you are comfortable with” supplementing that with the anecdote of how She right away after getting married called her Mother-In-Law “mom”… I feel somehow disloyal to my mother to call someone else mom, I have only one mom in my mind. My friend suggested calling my Mother-In-Law “mommy 2” 😳🙃 Maybe? I haven’t tried it out yet…

Post # 9
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

View original reply
annaven:  I will not be calling Future Mother-In-Law or FSMIL ‘mum’. That is reserved for my mother. I know that one of FI’s brother’s exes still calls Future Mother-In-Law ‘mum’ which I find very weird, considering he has a new girlfriend! I have no idea if they want me to call them ‘mum’ or not, but it’s irrelevant because it’s not happening. First names only. Fiance calls my parents by their first names and I think they would discourage being called ‘mum and dad’ by anyone other than my sister and I.

Post # 11
Member
13906 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I definitely do not, and will not, call my Mother-In-Law “mom.”  She and I don’t have a great relationship, so why would I want to give her that honorific? I never asked her what she wanted to be called.  I use her first name, and that’s it.

My mother is the amazing woman who raised me, who loves me, who took care of me, who has always been supportive and kind to me.  My Mother-In-Law has made me cry with her comments.  SOOO, nope, she doesn’t get the term.

Post # 12
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I call her by her name. She’s cool with it. I truly think that calling the mother in law mom is so disrespectful to the ppl that actually raised the person, unless there are extenuating circumstances. It’s also pretty controlling of her to request so. 

Post # 13
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I usually call Future Mother-In-Law by her first name, and if DD is in the room it’s Grandma (or Gamma, which is how she currently pronounces it). We have a good relationship, but I have no intention of calling her mom after we’re married. She still calls her Mother-In-Law by her first name after 25+ years, so I don’t think she will mind if I do the same.

Post # 14
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Half Moon Bay

My Future Mother-In-Law I call by her first name but she asked me recently if I will ever be able to call her and Future Father-In-Law mom and dad. I said sure thing MOM and smiled but I haven’t called her it since because it feels forced. Her and I haven’t exactly had the best relationship though.

Post # 15
Member
4170 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
annaven: Do whatever you’re comfortable with and work up to mom if you like. If she’s okay with her first name, then just use that. 

I currently call my Mother-In-Law by her first name. About six months into my relationship with her son, she asked me to call her mom, but I wasn’t there yet. Since then, things have been touch and go and it never felt right to call her “mom.” However, I would like it if DH called my parents mom and dad rather than their first names, so I have been trying to ease into calling his parents by the same. DH finds it VERY uncomfortable to call them “mom” and “dad” as he has called them by their first names for almost six years. 

I was talking to my mom about this and she said my dad’s mom asked her to call her “Mrs LastName” even after the wedding (which I find hilarious because my Nana was not a mean or cold person and loved my mom, so no idea why she did that haha), but growing up, my mom always called her Nana and had since my oldest sister was born. My dad, on the other hand, never called my grandparents anything. He did not feel comfortable using mom and dad, but also did not feel comfortable using their first names, either. He mostly just pointed, said “hey”, or something else to get around having to call for them. It was never obvious, but after my mom mentioned that to me when I was in my late teens, I realized I had never actually heard my dad use my grandparent’s names or anything else to speak to them hahaha. 

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