(Closed) What do you call your (future) in laws?

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: What do you call your future in laws?
    By their first names : (125 votes)
    74 %
    "Mom" and "Dad" : (12 votes)
    7 %
    Mr and Mrs Lastname : (11 votes)
    7 %
    Nicknames : (5 votes)
    3 %
    Other (please explain) : (15 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5263 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’m not sure what to tell you, but I can commiserate! In your situation, I would just go with her nickname and the modification she wants. I don’t think that’s a power struggle thing. 

    R’s parents were always okay with me calling them by their first names, but at some point Future Mother-In-Law started signing things “Mom and Dad C” and usually says “what did Dad say?” but sometimes still uses FFIL’s first name… he still just uses first names. 

    I’m not going to pretend it’s not awkward, but I avoid calling them anything to their faces as often as possible, and just use their first names when talking to other people. Mom and Dad still feels weird to me, even though we’re really close. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Hmm.. this is very awkward. Why has there been so much discussion about this? The second they stated their original preference (mr. & Mrs. Blank) you should have agreed to it. I don’t know why you don’t like that? Yes, it’s formal but it’s only a matter of time until they are called Grandma..

    I flat out asked my FIL’s what they wanted to be called. They said anything I want, but I just started calling them by their first names. It feels kind of awkward, but I’ve thought about it a lot and it’s the best option.

    Post # 5
    Bee
    2362 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

    definitely first names for us.  It seems a little funny that they would be ok with nicknames but not first names – do you know why they don’t want you to use first names?  is it really just a power thing?  the whole situation seems a little odd on their behalf to me.  I can totally understand why it would frustrate you

    Post # 7
    Member
    2703 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    yea i’ve definitely gotten by without having to call them anything. we have a close relationship, i’ve just never had to call them anything. LOL.

    recently since we’ve been engaged, i refer to them to Fiance as mom and dad… and Future Mother-In-Law leaves me voicemails saying “hi it’s mom”

    but i still haven’t called them mom and dad to their face.

    im sure it’ll grow over time, but as weird as it is, it works for us. 😛

    Post # 8
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    It was a little weird for me at first too…..FI’s dad is such a sweetheart though, so I am finally warming up to calling him Dad, comfortably! He calls me future Daughter in Law (so cute!!!!)

    His Mom, well to be honest, she just makes me uncomfortable…(rather not get into it on here) so even referring to her as Mrs. W_______ is hard for me. (when i asked her what to call her, she reminded me that she is no longer a W______ since she and FI’s dad are divorced, but she still kept the married last name, and uses the last name on her business endeavors. So its just really confusing to me. I sent out invitations this past weekend, and was freaking out because ‘etiquette’ says that a divorced lady who keeps their married last name should be referred to as Mrs. ______ (married last name)…I am waiting on backlash from this.

    But yes, in your situation, it sounds like she might be powertripping a little.  I think everything will work out just fine though, and she is just getting used to “having” another daughter. 🙂

    PS, I still refer to ALL of my friends’ parents as Mr and Mrs so and so….I cant break that habit, and out of respect for them, I dont think I ever will! conversely, one of my best friends has called my mom and dad by their first name since we were like 13, so it always weirded me out, but thats just her! and my parents didnt really seem to mind, so it wasnt a big deal!

    Post # 11
    Member
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    What an awkward situation!  I call my FI’s parents (mom & step dad) by their 1st names. I never call anyone mr & mrs I just think that’s weird!

    I totally think it’s a power thing. And if it were me (I’m not saying you should do this) I would make them do the same with my name.

    IMO I don’t think anyone should request to be called mr & mrs. If you’re an adult your on the same level as they are and deserve the same amount of respect.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1067 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I’ve gotten away with not having to call them anything for over 4 years now!!! It’s sooo weird and I feel a little better now knowing that other people are in the same boat! In my family partners call my parents Sra. and Sr. which is the tradition. They are laid back but I would feel weird about calling them by their first names but Mr. and Mrs. sounds too formal for me. Eeeeek

    Post # 13
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I have an interesting situation with this whole ‘name game’ too. My biological mother and I are estranged so I haven’t called anybody ‘mom’ for a long time (I refer to my stepmom as ‘mom’ to wedding vendors and such just because it’s easier, but I don’t call her mom to her face it’s just too weird for me). Ok, so I have referred to and called my Future Mother-In-Law by her first name since a few months after Fiance and I started dating (before that, I called her Mrs. Lastname). Recently, when she leaves voicemails for me (on my cell phone) or emails me she refers to herself as ‘mom.’ Honestly, it kind of weirds me out. Anybody else have this? Just curious. I have never called FMIL mom. Oh, side note – Fiance calls my parents (dad and stepmom) by their first names.

    Bella 

    Post # 15
    Member
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    By their first names, though my Fiance SIL (brother’s wife) calls them mom and dad

    Post # 16
    Member
    624 posts
    Busy bee

    I try to get away with calling Mother-In-Law nothing.  I would just talk “at her” but if I did call her something it would be her first name.

    I call Father-In-Law his first name.

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