Post # 1
My Future Mother-In-Law just told me about how she has lent the cake server from her wedding to other friends and family to use. But I was surprised that she was still doing this since she got divorced about ten years ago and I would think that it’s bad luck to use something from a marriage that didn’t last at your wedding.
Then, even more surprising to me was that she considers her marriage to have been a successful since, “It’s not like it was one of those that only lasted a couple of months or years.” I always thought that it had to go the distance to be successful, but apparently “the distance” is up for interpretation. So, my question is, what would you consider a “successful” marriage?
Post # 3
A marriage that doesn’t just last till one or both spouses die, but one where the level of intimacy is more than just what’s found in the bedroom… something that only 1 or 2 marriages out of 10 ever get to. Yea we know that 5 out of the 10 will “make it”, but 3-4 of those do it complacently.. not b/c they’re “happy”.
My ideal of success if being that 1-2 that get that true fulfillment with their lifelong husband/wife.
Post # 4
10 Years is successful to me, but I’m not marrying for just 10 years. Everyone would like it to be forever but I’d consider that a “success.”
Post # 5
To me a successful marriage is when in 20, 30, or 40 years you:
– still love each other romantically
– still hold hands when you’re out and about
– miss your husband/wife after a night apart
– still get busy in the bedroom (hey, it doesn’t have to happen often, but if you need to think about when the last time was and you find yourself counting in months, you ain’t doing it enough!)
Overall, it’s easy to have a lifelong friend (lots of my friends’ parents seem to be two friends living together, barely even a couple), but I think romance and intimacy creates a truly successful marriage.
Post # 6
Totally agree! I watch my parents and my in-laws (both married to the same one and only spouse for at least 30 years) and I see the love in the looks they give each other, the way they hold hands, the way they help each other. I hope one day that I’ll have kids and that they will think the same thing of my husband and I. 🙂
Post # 7
Successful marriage is one with love, respect, and humor. Loving each other and being willing to work through your issues (within reason. Abuse, etc isn’t an issue that I consider worth “working through”) And in the end, whether you end up together or you don’t, you don’t regret being together. You never regret that you as a couple happened.
Post # 8
I think there are different definitions of success. In this case, I would imagine that they must be perhaps be divorced in a way that was “successful” — ie, they don’t hate each other, they parted while retaining some respect for each other, they can still manage to co-parent and not bash each other to the kids, they both feel like the divorce was a good decision, etc etc. I have examples of both successful and non-successful divorces in my family. My mom and her first husband were in and out of court for five years and can barely stand to be in the same room = unsuccessful. Looking at my brother’s kid, his wife’s kids from her previous marriage, and her ex’s kids from his second marriage all running around in the grass playing together at their siblings’ soccer games and cheerleading events = SUCCESSFUL.
But a successful marriage…gives both partners a chance to grow and yet still feel supported. Intimacy of the sexual and the day-to-day sort. Genuinely liking each other more days than not. Being part of a community where your relationship can sustain and be sustained by others’ healthy relationships.
Post # 9
Theres different levels of success but i’d say for life and happily. Not just staying together for the kids or because you don’t believe in divorce. (thats what my parents did)
Post # 10
“My ideal of success if being that 1-2 that get that true fulfillment with their lifelong husband/wife.”
My parents were married until my mom died when I was 25. I spent my whole life knowing those two couldn’t stand each other, and that wasn’t the kind of marriage I wanted for myself. My aunt told me that they were actually in love at one time, so I have no idea what went wrong.
Post # 11
from day 1 to today, there’s growth, opening and awareness. changing for the better.
best friends. cheerleaders for one another.
sex and date night even after the kids come.
flexibility because not everyday is going to be rainbows and puppies.
major support during tough times, not running away.
communication. i always get sad when i see couples at restaurants sitting there and not talking.