Post # 1
BF and I are talking on Facebook chat right now and we were discussing quality time in general. Ever since I found out about the 5 love languages thing and discovered that Words of Affirmation is my top language followed very closely by Quality Time, I’ve been trying to make sure we have more quality time.
To me, this means having a conversation with each other, laughing, hanging out together. Basically, it’s interacting with each other. But if we are together yet doing our own thing, then it’s not quality time. Like if we’re in bed and he’s on his laptop and I’m reading a book, I feel like that is not really quality time.
But he disagrees. He thinks that because we are around each other even if we are doing our own thing, he thinks that can be considered quality time.
What do y’all think? And now I feel like I typed “quality time” way too much that it sounds like a weird phrase lol.
Post # 3
I am with you. I need proximity AND interaction. Just proximity or just interaction (phone conversation) independent of the other is not quality time.
Going to the movies- Not quality time
Eating dinner and talking = quality time
Post # 4
@LadyBlackheart: I have never heard of 5 love languages. It sounds interesting, and I will have to look it up!
To answer your question though, I agree with you – quality time doesn’t just mean “time” together. It means actually interacting with each other, engaging with each other, showing an interest, doing a favourite activity together, and being dedicated solely to your time together. If I am distracted by making dinner, answering work emails, or doing any other personal task that takes attention away from my FI, then I don’t consider it quality time either. It’s not enough to be in the same room – it has to be meaningful.
Post # 5
@LadyBlackheart: As far as I’m concerned, if we’re in the same vicinity – it counts as quality time…..being together, not stressed out and generally just enjoying our space together is about as good as it gets. I don’t need him to be talking to me, to be happy that he’s right next to me….plus its been five years since we got married and I haven’t been alone in our house for more than three hours since….so yeah, I don’t mind not being the center of his attention.
Post # 6
@ThreeMeers: That is EXACTLY how I feel! And he thinks I’m being ridiculous.
Post # 7
@ThreeMeers: +1. I agree. Quality time means interaction. So it’s not just sitting in the same room while I am on my laptop and he reads. We need to be engaging with each other.
Post # 8
I am with your SO.
My husband and I are huge gamers. We can both be playing totally seperate games, in the same room, and that’s quality time. We’ll often brag, or show off to one another, or ask questions, ask the other to google something. That’s quality time. Sitting in the same room, I could be watching TV and he could be on his laptop, quality time. We don’t always need to be doing the same thing for us to be having quality time.
Post # 9
For me its only quality time if we are interacting or enjoying something together. If we are in bed watching one of our favorite shows together then that is quality time, even if we aren’t talking. If we are in bed watching tv, but I’m on my laptop and he is on his iPad, then I don’t consider that quality time because we’re both distracted and doing our own thing.
Post # 10
I’m pretty easily satisfied 🙂 I’m happy to hang out with him while he plays viedo games and I can warm my toes under his leg while watching a chick flick on my ipad.
Post # 11
@Nona99: Lol yeah that’s the way my BF feels. But did you ever feel differently in the beginning of your relationship? BF and I have only been together for 9 months. I’m wondering that as time goes by and we are together for a longer period of time, that I’ll start to feel the same way as you.
Post # 12
@LadyBlackheart: My love language is Touch. I want to be petted ALL THE TIME. But as long as I can at least feel his hand on mine, that’s enough for me. We don’t have a day off together, so our quality time is in the car when he takes me to work or before we go to sleep.
You should have him read the book and find out what his LL is. It will give him a better understanding of how to communicate love to you and give you a better understanding of how best to communicate love to him 🙂
Post # 13
@LadyBlackheart: Being near someone does not mean you are even acknowledging or aware of eachother’s presence. So no, zoning out on a book while he lays video games would not be quality time. I would consider that time to yourself.
Eta: I would consider a shared activity as quality time, so enjoying a movie together is quality time. Thankfully, I’m not in desparate need for quality time. I’m quite content doing my own thing and just taking a bteak for some affection, for me affection is very important.
Post # 14
@s2bmrscook: Lol! I did actually. He didn’t want to because he thinks the whole 5 Love Languages thing is a crock. But he took the quiz for me to make me happy.
Ironically, his top love language is Quality Time! But apparently we both have different ideas of what quality time means. He’s happy just to be with me but do our own thing, like I mentioned above. Lol there will be times when I’ll be reading and he’ll be on his laptop. He’ll look over at me out of the blue and just smile at me. He’ll look at me with a tender look and say “This is really nice.”
So apparently I am communicating love to him just fine.
Post # 15
@LadyBlackheart: Well according to the 5 love languages…
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
So, according to this test, you crave quality time that includes his undivided attention. While the definition of quality time for others is different, this test supposedly proves YOU PERSONALLY require more undivided time spent together 🙂 I agree with you too…I can’t call watching TV/playing on our phones/on our laptops quality time so much as going for a walk together or eating/cooking together 🙂
Post # 16
@kendra389: Lol it’s been a while since I read the description of quality time but that is definitely very accurate for me! I hate it when our dates get unexpectedly canceled or postponed. And when I’m trying to talk to him (mind you, not about something important, just a general conversation) and he’s reading or watching something, I get so frustrated and hurt! I’m like “Can you please put down your book and listen to me??”
I’m starting to think he did not take the quiz seriously enough to give accurate results. Because if his top result is quality time, you would think he would feel the same way as me, somewhat. Sigh.