Post # 1
Ok so maybe it’s just because I now have 25 neices and nephews and 7 brothers/sisters in law, but it’s so hard to not let people get on my nerves. I have one brother and my parents – that’s about it. I’m totally not used to having a huge family and some people are just…offensive? I know I can’t get along with the whole world and it’s not like I hate anyone…just looking to see how you all handle the in-laws.
Post # 3
That’s a lot of people! There must be one or two that you get along with. I would just try to focus your attention on those people at family gatherings. Don’t feel like you have to be best friends with all of them. Unless they have actively done something mean or disrespectful to you, try to give them a break. Don’t try to separate your husband from his family, that’s not good for anyone.
Post # 4
You’re right. Yes, this person has been blatantly rude and disrespectful…many times. And I know I can’t really do anything, it just constantly bothers me.
Post # 5
The older I get, the more I learn that I have to accept people as they are. That might mean putting up with annoying behavior, but once you take on that philosophy I promise life improves. Try to appreciate the good things about your new in-laws and just put up with the annoying things.
Post # 6
Oh I feel for you. I went from having a big extended family to having half the world (or so it seems!) as my extended family! It sucks sometimes. And when people get on my nerves I tend to just ignore it. I’m polite to those who I don’t like and those who are deliberately rude to me and Darling Husband but I don’t seek out their company as I do with those in the family who I do get on well with. It’s a bit of tit for tat. Pick your battles carefully and just be nice and let the rest of it roll like water off a duck’s back.
Post # 7
I think it’s best to just accept them for how they are, and know that as hard as you try, some family members (and people in general!) are impossible to please. In instances like that I tend to just ignore that kind of behavior. Try not to take it personally. My experience has been if they’re rude and disrespectful towards you, then they’re probably rude and disrespectful towards other people, too.
Post # 8
You won’t like everyone who you meet and not everyone will like you.
I don’t get along with my Mother-In-Law, who spreads lies and everything else about me to all her family members that will listen, so that has created a few more people who do not like me. We have cut back visits and I no longer talk to her not because she ignores me but because she twists everything I say and tells people things I said that never came out of my mouth. I also will not be in a room alone with her.
Try to steer clear of those offensive ones.
How often do you have to see them?
Post # 9
@littlemissmoo: Good advice. Thank you.
@nyebride: Maybe once every two weeks? If that. It could be more but it’s not because of our schedules right now.
To everyone who is saying be nice, I agree! Just so hard sometimes lol.
Post # 10
The same thing I do with my own family. Ignore them until I get drunk at Christmas and tell everyone their faults. JK. Seriously though, you can’t get along with all of them.
I am having in-law problems myself. I have a nosy SIL who brags on how cheap she is getting things for her vow renewal and how my own wedding is a waste of money because I could just go to the courthouse like she did. (We are but we aren’t letting her know that because she is a cat.) I also have a Brother-In-Law who undermines my Fiance by asking him in a grave manner “Did you clean your room?” Like seriously, wtf?
Post # 11
I can’t stand a lot of things about my in-laws. They are just so abnormal. I really can’t stand my FBIL’s wife. She is the dumbest person I’ve ever met! She doesn’t get simple jokes we tell and then we have to stop and explain things to her. It just takes the fun out of having a normal conversation. Plus, she’s spoiled and rude. My FI’s parents are not people I’d ever speak to if they weren’t gonna be my in-laws but there’s not much I can do.
I think it’s actually good you have more people to get to know. I’m sure there are a couple in that bunch you can get along with! Beats having anti-social parents and weird brothers (like mine :p).
Post # 12
In laws won’t go away. It’s unfortunate, but true. The best thing you can do is accept that you’re never going to get along well. Then make a good faith effort every time you see them or interact with them to be pleasant and nice. Don’t thin k of it as sucking up or trying to make them like you. Think of it as making your life easier by keeping things pleasant around them even if you are secretly dreaming of clobbering them.
Post # 13
I do try to work on the relationship, yet keep my distance at the same time. I am very aware of what oversteps bounds, etc… I also try to be nice and pleasant. I am mostly talking about the relationship with the Future Mother-In-Law. (It was not good a long time ago!) I think I will always feel a little uncomfortable/nervous around her, but at the same time things are getting better. Sometimes I do enjoy being around her/talking with her. She can be very nice at the same time. But when she shows her *other side* I try to ignore it/not let it get to me…it will make me upset/get me mad, but I calm down, then I am fine:)
I also have issues with both FBILs. The older one(2 yrs younger than fiance) doesn’t like me. He really puts off a standoffish vibe and hardly acknowledges me. I try to make an effort and he really doesn’t return it. When Future Mother-In-Law was in her meddlesome days she used to get him to try to tell my boyfriend to breakup with me daily. Had the audacity to tell his parents that he thinks I don’t like him, when I’m always the one to make any effort…..this really shocked me, considering he’s the one who acts so weird!
Then there is the 11 yr old Future Brother-In-Law. He likes me a lot. But there are times where I think jealousy plays a factor. Thing is, he will blatantly do things to try to separate us, like intentionally make it so that I’m excluded or can’t sit anywhere near fiance, etc….. Or even make it a choice between him and me!
Post # 14
@starry: Sounds like there’s a lot of jealousy going on: Future Mother-In-Law and little bro. I think for women to accept their sons/brother’s wives, it’s harder than just some friend or whatever. And I think that’s what’s going on with me too – my issue is with a awoman I think might have some issues with me just because I’m the new/other girl. It sucks though, makes everything so much harder.
@Encore: “Think of it as making your life easier by keeping things pleasant around them even if you are secretly dreaming of clobbering them.” Funny and so true.
@justeen: You’re right, it should make me appreciate everyone else so much more! Will do.
Post # 15
You can’t make everyone like you, and it’s clear that this woman is picking on you and being rude to try to get a reaction out of you. The more you kill her with kindness, the less she’ll try to rile you up. She’s doing it to get a reaction out of you, so try to focus on others, and when she makes obnoxious comments, just smile and change the subject. There isn’t going to be any winning with her, so focusing on the in-laws that you DO like will help you to forget about her.
Can we ask which relative this is? Mother-In-Law, Aunt?
Post # 16
I dislike my fmil ,, first off I have tryed to get along for 11 years and I always turn out to be the bad guy,, my fi and i have 2 kids together and we live about 10 min from her. She sees my kids about 3 times a year birthday , xmas and some other randome day like show up at my house with bookbags for the kids to take to school.. my kids love her and dont understand why gradma dont want to spend time with them. i say shes so buisy ,she has other grandkids living with her, and the other grandkids she babysits,Im a stay at home mom because I cant seem to find help.. lol… this woman used to lock my honey and his brother in there room wile she worked, and let her husbands beet them.. so no i do not like her,and how she treats my kids myself and her son the love of my life ,, she feels thretned by me because i can love her son more then she knows how and im a good mom that is there for her kids …. ahhhhh yeah ive tried but when u keep hurting my kids with the lack of time and lies and poppig in and out to satisfie yourself to feel like you did somthing good but it only hurts more you can just stay gone shes worthless…