Post # 1
Ugh, I’m really kinda bummed right now. I pray to GOD my BM’s aren’t on here and if they are, I pray my identity remains concealed!
I know I’m super unreasonable and I should just be grateful that a shower is being thrown for me… but I feel like my friends don’t know me! First off, I got an invitation for the shower in the mail. I was sooo excited, but then, I opened it. Deflated. The invite could of been so nice but for the ugly sloppy, font and the color is hideous. That fine, won’t be a keepsake, whatev. But THEN, I found out the centerpieces are going to be fighting fish… Uuuum, so for my BRIDAL shower, the one celebrating my upcoming nuptials to the man I love, you want to have fish in a vase that if together will fight to the death? WTH is that? I am really into animals and their rights. I don’t even eat meat or fish anymore. So I feel horrible for the fish! Ok, they’re not ‘animals’, but why would you buy them only to send them off to whoever will take them at the end of the shower? What if no one wants them? I certainly don’t! And who knows if the people that are kind enough to take them will know how to feed them? Most of the guests are from out of town so a long car ride with a fish doesn’t sound like fun. And there will be fish to eat at the shower. You want to eat a fish while you stare at a fish? Yikes, I gotta shake this feeling right? But how? They haven’t ordered anything, and I was told by an anonymous source, can I intervene? I’m freakin’ out, what a basketcase lol.
In the end, I will continue to remind myself that I love my friends and I do believe that they’re trying….
Post # 3
Thats a hard one! maybe they are just trying to throw you off…?! Can you just talk to your BMs and tell them that you are super excited about your shower but to remember that you don’t eat fish, meat, etc. I don’t know! But just try to think that the fish are a small part of your party, so try to look past them!!!!
Post # 4
No, this is definitely a solid plan! I called my Maid/Matron of Honor to try to start a convo in an attempt to indirectly deter her, but she didn’t answer. Which is probably good because I had no idea what I was really going to say! Lol. I will try to look past it but I don’t know that I’ll be successful! I swear I’ll be looking at the fish looking at me and it’ll be saying, “dude, you’re just gonna look at me while your peeps eat my cousin? That’s messed up”…. lol.
Post # 5
I think the fish in a vase thing is really nice. Betta fish are males that yes will fight if you put them close to each other or to the death if they are in the same vase together. Alone though in a vase can be really pretty.
The fish also do really well in the water of plants, and are often used as centerpieces.
Also these type of fish are very hardy like goldfish. They do not need oxygen in the water so they do not require an air pump. They can live in like half a cup of water if necessary. Also, when they are with a plant, I am pretty sure they can sustain themselves without food. As a guest, I think these would be kinda cool to take home from a shower.
I agree that your BM’s should be more sensitive, but I think you may be over reacting about the “fighting fish” thing.
Post # 6
i will try to get someone to intervene and if that doesnt work then the day of the shower take three shots of tequila and be happy 🙂
in the other way if i were in your position i will tell my bridesmaid to stop and rethink please… but that just me
Post # 7
@ Jennifer: I’m totally on the same page as you. I’m a huge animal lover and advocate of animal rights and I would be really upset if my BMs used a living being as decor for my benefit.
Unfortunately I don’t have any advice for you on how to handle the situation but I just wanted to tell you that I dont think you are over reacting.
OOOh idea: do you have a close friend who you trust and who is not throwing the shower? Perhaps you can recruite her to offer to help with the shower and have her pretend to find out about the fish and remind everyone that you would be offended and put off by it.
Post # 8
I think you either need to communicate to your Maid/Matron of Honor, a bridesmaid or mom that what is being planned is not at all what you like and try to lead them in a different direction, or bear and grin it. It’s up to you to decide whether it’s worth the battle to you or not.
I’m playing a pretty active role in directing what I’d like my shower to be like (including sending links to my mother and Maid/Matron of Honor as inspiration), so I have no clue what it’s like to be in your position.
Post # 9
I would be honest and tell her that you aren’t at all comfortable with that. It is really nice that they are throwing you a shower at all…but since it is for you, then it should reflect you and your personality. Which it sounds like this doesn’t. And the idea does sound a little weird to me, I know fish aren’t super hard to take care of…but I wouldn’t want to leave a shower with a new pet.
Post # 10
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say your BMs don’t know you very well if they’re going to make a “mistake” like that. It’s definitely worth bringing up with them in the most political way possible. Brides-to-be have made fusses over less worthy causes!
Post # 11
Thanks guys! I really appreciate the support. I kinda thought I’d come to posts telling me I’m bat sh*t crazy!
I tried to sleep on it, to see if maybe it was just a fast, silly reaction but I’m still bothered by it. Its definitely something I feel I need to bring up. It just isn’t sitting well with me. This is definitely going to sound like a stretch, but I can’t help but wonder if the Bridesmaid or Best Man that’s been choosing these details, is doing so to make sure it doesn’t reflect me at all. She’s really controlling, doesn’t like to take a secondary role, she’s not comfortable with others getting too much more attention. Anyway, there is more to that but I don’t wanna even think about it!
PS. I’m really not the type that needs to control every aspect of the wedding, I swear!
Post # 12
Seriously, just call her and tell her you’re not ok with the idea, and would prefer if she did a simple candle centerpiece or some flowers. It’s better to be direct with stuff like this.
Post # 13
I was all set to say “if you don’t like the details of your shower, you suck it up and act grateful for the gesture.” THEN I read your post. 🙂 Yikes! The invitation & font thing falls into one of those things that you just suck and and act grateful about, IMO. As a fellow veggie, I totally feel you on the centerpiece issue. If I were you, I would send an email saying that you were really grateful & excited for the shower, but you weren’t comfortable with the fish ceterpieces due to your values. You could suggest a different centerpiece option, or even just say that no centerpiece would be better than this one, which disturbs you.