(Closed) What do you do if you hate all the details about your shower?

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Thats a hard one! maybe they are just trying to throw you off…?! Can you just talk to your BMs and tell them that you are super excited about your shower but to remember that you don’t eat fish, meat, etc. I don’t know! But just try to think that the fish are a small part of your party, so try to look past them!!!!

Post # 5
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think the fish in a vase thing is really nice.  Betta fish are males that yes will fight if you put them close to each other or to the death if they are in the same vase together.  Alone though in a vase can be really pretty. 


The fish also do really well in the water of plants, and are often used as centerpieces.  

 Also these type of fish are very hardy like goldfish.  They do not need oxygen in the water so they do not require an air pump.  They can live in like half a cup of water if necessary.  Also, when they are with a plant, I am pretty sure they can sustain themselves without food.  As a guest, I think these would be kinda cool to take home from a shower. 

I agree that your BM’s should be more sensitive, but I think you may be over reacting about the “fighting fish” thing.  


Post # 6
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

i will try to get someone to intervene and if that doesnt work then the day of the shower take three shots of tequila and be happy 🙂

in the other way if i were in your position i will tell my bridesmaid to stop and rethink please… but that just me

Post # 7
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@ Jennifer:  I’m totally on the same page as you.  I’m a huge animal lover and advocate of animal rights and I would be really upset if my BMs used a living being as decor for my benefit.

Unfortunately I don’t have any advice for you on how to handle the situation but I just wanted to tell you that I dont think you are over reacting.

OOOh idea:  do you have a close friend who you trust and who is not throwing the shower?  Perhaps you can recruite her to offer to help with the shower and have her pretend to find out about the fish and remind everyone that you would be offended and put off by it.

Post # 8
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you either need to communicate to your Maid/Matron of Honor, a bridesmaid or mom that what is being planned is not at all what you like and try to lead them in a different direction, or bear and grin it.  It’s up to you to decide whether it’s worth the battle to you or not.

I’m playing a pretty active role in directing what I’d like my shower to be like (including sending links to my mother and Maid/Matron of Honor as inspiration), so I have no clue what it’s like to be in your position. 

Post # 9
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would be honest and tell her that you aren’t at all comfortable with that.  It is really nice that they are throwing you a shower at all…but since it is for you, then it should reflect you and your personality.  Which it sounds like this doesn’t.  And the idea does sound a little weird to me, I know fish aren’t super hard to take care of…but I wouldn’t want to leave a shower with a new pet.

Post # 10
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say your BMs don’t know you very well if they’re going to make a “mistake” like that.  It’s definitely worth bringing up with them in the most political way possible.  Brides-to-be have made fusses over less worthy causes!

Post # 12
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

Seriously, just call her and tell her you’re not ok with the idea, and would prefer if she did a simple candle centerpiece or some flowers.  It’s better to be direct with stuff like this.

Post # 13
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I was all set to say “if you don’t like the details of your shower, you suck it up and act grateful for the gesture.”  THEN I read your post.  🙂  Yikes!  The invitation & font thing falls into one of those things that you just suck and and act grateful about, IMO.  As a fellow veggie, I totally feel you on the centerpiece issue.  If I were you, I would send an email saying that you were really grateful & excited for the shower, but you weren’t comfortable with the fish ceterpieces due to your values.  You could suggest a different centerpiece option, or even just say that no centerpiece would be better than this one, which disturbs you.

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