Thank you everyone for the supportive and not-so-supportive and kinda mean at times! (but I’ll take it anyway) advice!
I think everyone made really fair & good points. Yes, the main thing was that all I wanted was a courtesy phone call explaining to me her reasons and of course I would understand why she wanted to plan it 3 weeks before mine. But to string me along and always tell me it was October and then March and then out of the blue say April in a STD email? Who wouldn’t be shell shocked by that?
BUT, I am happy to report that all is good! I picked up the phone, we spoke last night. Life is too short to fight with real friends over this. Will I be insanely stressed come April? Yes. Will I have to take unpaid vacation days to make it there? Probably. Will it all be worth it in the end? Absolutely! I’ve always known that part of it!
There was some great advice on this thread that I hope other brides can take away from because I’m sure I’m not the only one dealing with this!
@MissCallieJean: such a great idea but kickboxing is bad for my horrid knees so I took your advice & went to yoga last night before I picked up the phone and called her and faced the issue. thank you for your advice!
thank you for your refreshing post!
you hit the nail on the head! the worst part is doing it right before…that, I think, is the rude & inconsiderate part. Of course she can pick whatever date she wants but I do understand her reasons and they are valid but I really enjoyed reading your advice, thank you. at least she didn’t do it the weekend before mine, right? It has nothing to do with “I care she’s getting married before me – waaah”
thanks for saying that – I did cry – a lot!! I would never wanna miss her wedding but I think I’ll have to develop a cold around that time frame *cough* *cough* ha ha.
I am SO sorry to hear about your friendship and what happened with your friend…I think that is REALLY unreasonable and very rude on her part. The positive side is that now you’ve learned that your friendship with her wasn’t as strong as you thought and good riddance! That is just mean! At least you saved money on that ugly Bridesmaid or Best Man dress LOL. No one she get a whole year…just a month when it’s long distance, ha ha!
thank you for this insight. your positive outlook is so true…by the time it arrives, I’ll be so excited for both of our weddings that it won’t matter…and there are worse things in life, right?
thanks for understanding exactly what I was trying to explain! All I was looking for was a little common courtesy and I wouldn’t have been as hurt! She has been saying October, then March…I never expected April. I’m sorry, a close friend should at least give you that common courtesty…but we spoke and she did apologize for that so I feel ok with it now. You are correct in my assumption…I didn’t think she was being malicious but I know her and when she feels guilty about something she retreats so it didn’t surprise me she went radio silent and then sent the email about April…she admitted she should’ve faced the issue so my intuition there was correct.
So, advice for other brides if you have to pick a date right before your close friend or family…just tell them!! Don’t call them up and pretend like it’s ok – if you acknowledge that it will be hard for them but you still really need to pick this date (without asking permission – every bride is entitled to pick their date, definitely) then I promise there will be less drama. If, when you give your friend/family that courtesy AND they act all high & mighty and ask you to change the date, THEN the other bride is definitely being unreasonable, I think. You don’t have to ASK anybody but you do have to consider your closest friends who are in your wedding at least!
Thank you for your advice but I do NOT feel like it’s a race down the aisle and I don’t care at all about who gets married first! She should’ve been married 5 years ago – I felt SO BAD when I got engaged before her because 1 – she’s been with her fiance twice as long and 2 – she’s older than me. I am very happy that she’s getting married before me, but RIGHT before me just gets tricky and I would’ve just liked the courtesy of her telling me – not asking my permission – but just letting me know AHEAD of time that yes, she considered my date, but she had to do this. Then, I would’ve never been upset. Now, she’s explained all those reaons and I’m OK with it! that’s all!
Thanks for your advice – the positive is that we do have a year to plan for this – all I have to say is, thank god for that part!!! 🙂
thanks for your advice – this post taught me exactly what you said – to let it go and plan our wedding together. and she’s back on board with planning our bachelorette parties together so that is awesome!
THANK YOU! You hit the nail right on the head. I jumped to conclusions, I got upset, I speculated – I did all the things I promised I would never do. I messed up. To your point, I do love her enough – it’s like a marriage really – your best friendships you have to work at. We opened the lines of communication to not let this affect our friendship. I totally understand why she is picking her date and I am happy for her…I mean, 4/14/12 sounds so pretty – I can’t really blame her – despite when I’m getting married! Her point was that she was really excited about her wedding and that’s why she sent me that STD email the way she did and she never thought about how it would come across…but she did say she should’ve called me as a courtesy without me saying anything! So, she did realize it too.
I love what you said here and I hope other brides can use this – do I care more about the thing or the person? That’s what it came down to…yes, the flying, the vaca, the expenses, they are things that I could deal with. I care more about the person here and potentially missing her wedding and that’s why I was SO upset. So, to your point, I care more about the person. If that’s her date, then I have to accept it and be there for her as much as I can. I was upset that I wouldn’t be able to fly out and help her for the days leading up to it like I planned, so instead, it’ll be a weekend trip but she is understanding and we are all good.
After speaking with her – I wish everyone a friendship like ours. There are bigger fish to fry in life…BUT, just talk to your friend about planning your wedding right before hers. Like azure6700 said – weddings should be about those core people you have to have there and you and your Fiance & family. If it ain’t about love than why you gettin married?!
Good luck to all in this situation! It’ll work out in the end! It always does!