- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
I’ve never really written much about my SO in the past. I love him, and he loves me, and we have a healthy relationship. We’ve been together about 3-4 years. FYI, I am 25 and he is 27. We plan on getting engaged before the year is out.
But sometimes I do get strange feelings. As in, is this really what is right for me?
My SO and I had been friends for years before we started dating. He is wonderful with my son (before you ask, no, he’s not the father). He tells me how much he loves me all the time, usually through a big love letter on special occasions. We dream about our future constantly.
We can’t really deal with our present, or our pasts.
We both come from traumatized childhoods. I see a counselor for mine and I’m actually going to ask my md if she thinks I have an anxiety disorder.
Him? Well he’s still living his hell, though to a much lower degree, but he isn’t getting any help. I am positive he has social anxiety disorder and possibly depression and PTSD. He wants to see a therapist and get help like me, but his insurance doesn’t cover it and he cannot afford to pay out of pocket. We’ve looked for counselors with a sliding scale fee and found nothing.
For him, he still lives at home because he’s going to school (almost done, january is his last month) and can’t afford to move out just yet. His father is one of the biggest douchebags I’ve met. He never passes up an opportunity to chide my SO and make him feel like shit. Same goes for his step-mother.
At work, he says he has a whole ton of shit fall on him every day. His fellow employees have no drive whatsoever and never do their work on time, which leaves him holding the bag awaiting the fallout. Among 80 other things.
When I’m with him, and even through text messaging, 60% of him talking is him complaining about everything. If I get multiple texts from him, I immediately know I’m about to read a bunch of whining. Then I feel like an asshole for feeling that way because I know none of it is his fault.
He says he will feel so much better once he gets a job in his new field and moves out next year. I believe him. But I’m afraid old habits will die hard. For him, if he didn’t have bad luck, he would have no luck at all it seems. I’m afraid he’ll see something crappy in any and everything. He promises that won’t happen, that he’s only this way now because of how shitty his home life is.
I seem to be the only exception. There is nothing I do that he ever complains about. I don’t know if there’s even anything I do that annoys him, except when I get in a scrappy mood. But that doesn’t last very long.
Sometimes I do wonder what life would be like with someone else. Whose head is screwed on right, who has their shit together, who loves himself and loves life.
But then I remember this is the man I was dying to be with. Who is PHENOMENAL with my son. My son adores him and looks up to him and he showers my son in love and affection. He will be a fantastic step-father to him. He loves him like he is his own son. And seeing that love in them is so beautiful it makes me wanna cry.
I’m sorry this is so long, but it’s something I’ve been chewing on for a while and wanted the hive’s thoughts and advice. I guess I half needed to vent, too.