Post # 1
So all of my BMs went to the store today when I found my dress (I already had one in mind, but they all wanted to see me in it), and so I had them try on the dress that I wanted them to wear. (David’s F12732)
I have seven bridesmaids — six were there. One is FH’s older sister. She is the only one who didn’t like it. She didn’t feel it flattered her on the bottom (she was wearing spanx and didn’t like that the dress still showed her “bulges” [her words, not mine]). She’s probably a size 16. My other BMs range in all sizes, from 4-20, so she’s not the biggest, but she’s the one who complained about it. I talked to all of the girls, and they are of the opinion of if it’s the one I want, they’re good for it. I really do think it is flattering on all of them and they all said it’s comfortable.
So, what’s the problem? FH’s mother was there, and she was telling FH’s sister how she looked like she was wearing a potato sack, and she went on how the dress looked “horrible” on all of the girls who had shoulders (meaning all of my larger girls). FH’s sister and mother were both vocal about how they didn’t like this dress. I offered FH’s sister another option, but she didn’t like how that was either, so ultimately, everyone is ordering this dress.
I am annoyed that both are being so vocal about their distain for this dress. FH’s mom already asked if FH’s sister can change into another dress once pictures are done. I have a feeling regardless of what I think, that she’ll do that.
Have any of you had issues with BMs liking the dress, and how did you deal with it?
Post # 3
I decided to avoid the whole dilemma by picking a colour and length, and letting everyone pick their own style. And I *still* had complaints.
In-laws… It sounds like the two of them are just happy to be unhappy – to be criticizing everything you suggest.
What I would do – tell SIL that all the other girls really like that dress and so they are going to go with it, and so long as she stays in the same colour she can pick whatever she’d like to wear. Pick your battles, and this one’s not worth stressing over. If you give her the choice to do soemthing else, then she will either a) cooperate and find something else to sriticize, or b) spend your wedding looking like look like the odd one out who obviously threw a temper tantrum like a three-year old at the dress shop, in front of everybody 🙂
I feel like you and me (and plenty of other girls on here I bet) should form a support group – just to survive our future inlaws!!!
Post # 4
Um, I hope I’m not alone when I say that you need to ignore her opinion. Ok, not exactly. But nicely explain to her that with 7 people its almost impossible to please everyone and since this is the dress you (the BRIDE) likes, and the other girls like so its the one your gonna have. Seriously, you can’t accomodate everyone, don’t even stress it- she’s gonna get over it!
Post # 5
We are now thinking of having her stand on FH’s side of the aisle, more like a groomswoman. I just don’t want her to be a bridesmaid. I think those women should be women who stand behind you, which she obviously doesn’t do. (Both SIL and Mother-In-Law have called FH today to complain about the dress).
Post # 6
We had my SIL stand on his side…she wore a black dress with a colored matching sash and it looked really pretty!
Tell them if she doesn’t think the dress looks good on her, a) too bad and b) maybe if she slimmed down her “bulges” she would be less inclined to complain about it on herself. Wedding’s not about her in case she didn’t notice. Unfortunately it is incredibly out of line to make such negative comments about the OTHER girls. I mean, really, that’s just rude. One thing to say “oh it looks bad on me” but another to say “it look bad on her, too!”
Move her to FI’s side…=]
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I haven’t had this problem, but you can deal with it by having them order it anyway. “I’m sorry you don’t like it; you can put me in a sackcloth at your wedding if you want” usually works. 😉
You’re the bride. It’s your choice. I don’t usually say that being the bride gives you a blank check for anything, but honestly? Unless it’s that the dress is totally not affordable or embarrassingly revealing, I think the bride gets what she wants and that’s the end of the story.
Post # 8
I was in a friend’s wedding recently as a bridesmaid. She honestly picked the ugliest dresses ever (color, fabric, style – just bad across the board), but we all bought them and bit our tongues. I’d suggest they do the same. 🙂
Post # 9
I avoided that kind of drama all together by picking a color and letting my BMs pick whatever dress they wanted in that color. I went through David’s as well. I didn’t bother ordering them all at once- I let the BMs do it all on their own.
I was really glad I did, because they all chose something that they felt comfortable in- that they thought flattered them and the pictures looked lovely even though they were all in different dresses.
Post # 10
I would just order the dress. I mean, I’ve been in a ton of weddings where I didn’t particularly care for the dress, but I shut up and wore it because it wasn’t about me. Sure you want everyone to be comfortable, but if all the other girls are OK with your choice, go for it. She’ll get over it.
Post # 11
@ ejs4y8 thank you.
I have not had a problem with this. I gave them a length and a color and told them to pick their own.
If I were in your shoes (and I am not and I suspect I am a lot more bit*hy than you) I would tell her: “you like it” in a tone that doesn’t brook discussion. Or “you don’t have to be in this wedding as my bridesmaid. we can find something else for you to do”.
Cheers. I normally wouldn’t be difficult but it sounds like they don’t care about your feelings I don’t see why you should look out for theirs.
Post # 12
I took my pickiest girl and let her pick out a few suggestions. We shopped it around to all the girls and got their input. They all decided that if the pickiest liked it, they’d be willing to give it a go. It honestly looked great on all of them, and the one who was most likely to complain couldn’t say anything, because she picked the dress. It all worked out pretty well, and the complainer also did a great job of selling the dress to the others…
Post # 13
I think you need to be considerate of how she feels. This is her brother’s wedding and I am sure she wants to look nice since her brother’s wedding is important to her. If you can accomodate her in anyway, it would me extremely nice. Plus, it is difficult picking out a dress when you are on the bigger side and so much more difficult when someone tells you what you have to wear. That must induce so much anxiety.
However, she did not handle herself property. The appropriate thing to do would have been to support your decision in front of the group but then later express her concerns to you in private rather than making a stink about it and implying that it looked bad on people who genuinely like it.
Post # 14
Ultimately girl, you have the right to put all the girls in the same dress, whether or not they are thrilled about it.
Do you want to go separate dress/same color routes? Or not? Totally your call. Are pashminas an option since it’s a Sept wedding if she’s concerned about shoulders?
Post # 15
Yeah, she wasn’t that nice about it. But if she really hates it, is there another dress she can suggest that you like? I would hate to know that someone had to wear something that made them so self conscious.
I had my girls all vote on the dresses and everyone had veto power – because I didn’t want anyone to be forced to wear something they woul be really uncomfortable in. I then picked the one I liked the most out of the top 2. However, this works pretty well when your bridal party are your best friends because I knew they would really only use veto power if it would make them self consious (vs. not loving the dress;s style)
If your SIL is just difficulat and demanding, then maybe including her opinion is not going to be easy. I love the idea of having her be on her brother’s side – that way she can pick any black dress she likes!
Post # 16
I did have her try on another dress but she said she had the same problem in it. We are ordering from David’s, so I suggested we look at the build your own dress option, and she said that she’d look the same in the bottoms of those. Basically, she just wanted to b.tch and moan.
The way she handled herself was completely inappropriate, and I’m annoyed that she didn’t even consult with their seamstress to see if there was a slip she could try or a lining she coluld have put in. She is 35 and acting like she is 5.
I figure if I make her wear this dress, then she’ll be a miserable sow the day of the wedding. If I stick her on FH’s side, she doesn’t get to carry flowers, and I expect that she’ll wear a jacket to fit in with the men. Plus, then anytime she or my Mother-In-Law complains, I can remind them that I didn’t rip their ugly heads off at this wonderful, magical time in my life.