(Closed) What do you do when your BMs don’t agree on a dress?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
42 posts

I decided to avoid the whole dilemma by picking a colour and length, and letting everyone pick their own style. And I *still* had complaints.


In-laws… It sounds like the two of them are just happy to be unhappy – to be criticizing everything you suggest.

What I would do – tell SIL that all the other girls really like that dress and so they are going to go with it, and so long as she stays in the same colour she can pick whatever she’d like to wear. Pick your battles, and this one’s not worth stressing over. If you give her the choice to do soemthing else, then she will either a) cooperate and find something else to sriticize, or b) spend your wedding looking like look like the odd one out who obviously threw a temper tantrum like a three-year old at the dress shop, in front of everybody πŸ™‚

I feel like you and me (and plenty of other girls on here I bet) should form a support group – just to survive our future inlaws!!!



Post # 4
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Um, I hope I’m not alone when I say that you need to ignore her opinion.  Ok, not exactly.  But nicely explain to her that with 7 people its almost impossible to please everyone and since this is the dress you (the BRIDE) likes, and the other girls like so its the one your gonna have.  Seriously, you can’t accomodate everyone, don’t even stress it- she’s gonna get over it!

Post # 6
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We had my SIL stand on his side…she wore a black dress with a colored matching sash and it looked really pretty!

Tell them if she doesn’t think the dress looks good on her, a) too bad and b) maybe if she slimmed down her “bulges” she would be less inclined to complain about it on herself. Wedding’s not about her in case she didn’t notice. Unfortunately it is incredibly out of line to make such negative comments about the OTHER girls. I mean, really, that’s just rude. One thing to say “oh it looks bad on me” but another to say “it look bad on her, too!”

Move her to FI’s side…=]

Post # 7
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I haven’t had this problem, but you can deal with it by having them order it anyway. “I’m sorry you don’t like it; you can put me in a sackcloth at your wedding if you want” usually works. πŸ˜‰

You’re the bride. It’s your choice. I don’t usually say that being the bride gives you a blank check for anything, but honestly? Unless it’s that the dress is totally not affordable or embarrassingly revealing, I think the bride gets what she wants and that’s the end of the story.

Post # 8
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was in a friend’s wedding recently as a bridesmaid. She honestly picked the ugliest dresses ever (color, fabric, style – just bad across the board), but we all bought them and bit our tongues. I’d suggest they do the same. πŸ™‚


Post # 9
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I avoided that kind of drama all together by picking a color and letting my BMs pick whatever dress they wanted in that color.  I went through David’s as well.  I didn’t bother ordering them all at once- I let the BMs do it all on their own.

I was really glad I did, because they all chose something that they felt comfortable in- that they thought flattered them and the pictures looked lovely even though they were all in different dresses.

Post # 10
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I would just order the dress. I mean, I’ve been in a ton of weddings where I didn’t particularly care for the dress, but I shut up and wore it because it wasn’t about me. Sure you want everyone to be comfortable, but if all the other girls are OK with your choice, go for it. She’ll get over it.

Post # 11
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@ ejs4y8 thank you.

I have not had a problem with this. I gave them a length and a color and told them to pick their own.

If I were in your shoes (and I am not and I suspect I am a lot more bit*hy than you) I would tell her: “you like it” in a tone that doesn’t brook discussion. Or “you don’t have to be in this wedding as my bridesmaid. we can find something else for you to do”.


Cheers. I normally wouldn’t be difficult but it sounds like they don’t care about your feelings I don’t see why you should look out for theirs.

Post # 12
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I took my pickiest girl and let her pick out a few suggestions.  We shopped it around to all the girls and got their input.  They all decided that if the pickiest liked it, they’d be willing to give it a go.  It honestly looked great on all of them, and the one who was most likely to complain couldn’t say anything, because she picked the dress.  It all worked out pretty well, and the complainer also did a great job of selling the dress to the others…

Post # 13
900 posts
Busy bee

I think you need to be considerate of how she feels.  This is her brother’s wedding and I am sure she wants to look nice since her brother’s wedding is important to her.  If you can accomodate her in anyway, it would me extremely nice.  Plus, it is difficult picking out a dress when you are on the bigger side and so much more difficult when someone tells you what you have to wear.  That must induce so much anxiety.

However, she did not handle herself property.  The appropriate thing to do would have been to support your decision in front of the group but then later express her concerns to you in private rather than making a stink about it and implying that it looked bad on people who genuinely like it.

Post # 14
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ultimately girl, you have the right to put all the girls in the same dress, whether or not they are thrilled about it.

Do you want to go separate dress/same color routes? Or not? Totally your call. Are pashminas an option since it’s a Sept wedding if she’s concerned about shoulders?

Post # 15
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Yeah, she wasn’t that nice about it.  But if she really hates it, is there another dress she can suggest that you like?  I would hate to know that someone had to wear something that made them so self conscious.

I had my girls all vote on the dresses and everyone had veto power – because I didn’t want anyone to be forced to wear something they woul be really uncomfortable in.  I then picked the one I liked the most out of the top 2.  However, this works pretty well when your bridal party are your best friends because I knew they would really only use veto power if it would make them self consious (vs. not loving the dress;s style)

If your SIL is just difficulat and demanding, then maybe including her opinion is not going to be easy.  I love the idea of having her be on her brother’s side – that way she can pick any black dress she likes! 

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