(Closed) What do you expect of your bridesmaids?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Well sounds like my promises. I really didn’t expect anything from them. I just asked and that was it. We actually went for dresses and they picked them out. They were $135 at DB.  My Maid/Matron of Honor (sis) ended up pregnant and I was just excited that DB let her exchange it for a bigger size πŸ™‚  One threw me the shower and bachlorette and the other one didn’t contribute at all (it only made me upset, because the one with the money didn’t help or show which I thought was a little nasty).

Overall it’s been alright, but there has still been drama and I think anytime women are involved there will be.

Post # 4
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I expect them to show up πŸ™‚  At the wedding I mean.  And lend me some emotional support if I go a little crazy.

Post # 5
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Haha good post… Except you didn’t really write what you would expect of them… You kinda did the opposite!

I expect them to:

– Buy a dress of the length and color I choose by a certain date (TBD)

– Come to the rehearsal so we all know what the hell is going on for the day of

– Get their hair done, I don’t care who does it, but I do expect them to get their hair done

– Show up on time the day of the wedding (for photos, etc) and support me!

That’s it really… Sure there are things I would love for them to do, but I don’t really expect it of them (i.e. showing up to my bachelorette party) and would never kick them out of my wedding party unless they couldn’t handle any of the above things.

I *think* I’m pretty easy going!!

Post # 6
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Honestly…not much. I am a micro-manager so I already know that I am going to try to do everything myself anyway =)

  • I want them to buy the dress and make sure it fits properly. I am picking the dress but I will listen to their input. They will be cheaply priced and HOPEFULLY something they will wear again.
  • I would like for them to go to a dress shop or two with me b/c I am thinking about a different dress (it has to be soon though b/c April is fast approaching)
  • I want them to show up on time and ready to roll for the rehearsal and the wedding

That’s the extent of my list. I only have 2 BMs though FIs sister and my little sister and one jr Bridesmaid or Best Man…my daughter (after much begging and pleading on her part). I actually plan to take THEM out instead of having a bachelorette party. I don’t care about a bridal shower b/c I have plenty stuff already. As far as kicking them out….it’s not an option b/c Fiance has only ONE sibling and that’s his sister. As for me…I planned my little sister’s wedding and was her Maid/Matron of Honor as well….if our relationship survived that…my wedding shoud be a piece of cake…LOL



Post # 7
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Buy the dress– I ended up choosing it because I decided on gray and many of the stores with a variety of style options didn’t have a gray that I liked. The dresses were about $170 after tax so I paid the amount over $150 for each of my ladies. I bought them jewelry (not their gift) and they could wear any silver shoes that they wanted.

Show up at the wedding– we all met at my parents’ house beforehand so that everyone could get their hair done (I paid for this). I fed everyone too πŸ™‚ I would have been fine if someone decided to join us at the chapel though.

Help my parents after the reception– we had a few things to gather up at the end of the night so I asked the bridesmaids/groomsmen to just see that my parents were not left trying to pick up all of our extras. The restaurant where we had our reception did all of the actual clean up though.

Post # 8
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Lets see

– Buy the dress I select (done) and accesorize however they please. I did ask for silver sandals of some kind.

– Read my emails with crazy wedding ideas once in awhile. I’d say I send something I’m super excited about once a month.

– Attend the Rehearsal Dinner

– Get ready with me at the hotel

– I’m prob going to change my voicemail so guests know to call the Bms with wedding day questions

I don’t care if they attend/plan my bachelorette/shower, stay at our hotel, help me with DIY items, get professional hair/makeup.

Post # 9
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I expect them to:

-Want to be in my wedding (if they didn’t want to do it, I would have been perfectly fine with it!)

-Buy their dresses–but I let them all choose their own style πŸ™‚  I don’t want my girls thinking that all they are good for is looking like clones in pretty dresses.  They are not accessories to my wedding, they are my best friends and I want their uniqueness reflected in their styles!

-Try to go to my engagement party, bridal shower, and bach. party.  If they can’t make it, it’s ok.  But I will try my hardest to plan the dates around their schedules, so I really hope they can all come πŸ™‚

-It is up to them how they want to do their hair, makeup, jewelry, and shoes.  All I asked was that their shoes be white and that they look and feel beautiful πŸ™‚

-If they want to help with anything, I am more than happy to have them help.  Other than that, I am just glad they want to stand with me on my wedding day!

Post # 10
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

-Tell me if they hate the dresses I chose (I picked 4 and let them choose which one they wanted)

-Order dress on time

-Show up at rehearsal and wedding

-Make sure I have champange in my glass at rehearsal dinner and wedding

That’s it. Anything else is extra.

Post # 11
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

-Buy a dress of the length, color, and (possibly) style of my choice – after I’ve listened to their thoughts on style and price – by the predetermined date.

-If at all possible, it would be really cool if they could go bridesmaid dress shopping with me so we can all see what looks great on them.  If one of them can’t make it (and I plan to have a few days when we go, likely with different girls each time), I expect her to hold her tongue about how much she hates the dress that was chosen in her absence.

-I expect her to be happy for me.  She doesn’t have to be uber-excited about the wedding or even talk about it at all, but I want to know that she’s excited that I’ve found the man of my dreams and that I plan to marry him.  She can accomplish this with a simple smile and “Congratulations!”  Any more than that is just icing.

-I expect her to be on time to the rehearsal dinner and to the wedding setup the next day.

-I expect her to look groomed and dressed up for the wedding.  I will likely have a pro hair stylist (and maybe makeup artist) available; whether or not she uses their services is up to her.  Plenty of girls can make themselves look gorgeous on their own.

-I expect her to have a great time at my reception with all the good food, alcohol, and friends!


All the extras would be great, of course (especially if some of them would come wedding dress shopping with me…  my mom lives nowhere nearby, so I’m afraid I’m always going to be alone), but I really don’t expect anything else.

Post # 12
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I expect the following of my BMs:

-Make an effort to attend wedding related events like Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping, shower, bachelorette party/weekend, the rehearsal and wedding (the last one is not optional).

-Buy a dress in the fabric/color/length I choose, under $200

-Wear some color gray/pewter shoe

-Plan the shower/bachelorette weekend and don’t make me do anything for them planning related (I will of course contribute to pay for hotel or food or services or stuff like that if needed)

-Keep in contact with me via email/text/phone when I need to know if they want hair appointments scheduled

-Be generally supportive when I have a bridezilla moment, usually realted to my mother or Future Mother-In-Law doing something stupid or asking me to do something stupid

-Help with random DIY tasks if necessary and they are local(paining windows, stamping placecards, etc)

-For the super tall one, wear low heels or flats (I’m 5’0 and she’s almost 6′ tall)

Post # 13
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i expect my B’Maids to

-buy their dress by the deadline which is 2months from the wedding date
-wear the dress I chose for them [it is a knee length cocktail dress and they all love it]
-wear their hair up in the style I choose, with the hair accessory I give them
-Wear their own shoes but within the color and style guidelines [no flip flops or flat shoes]
-Show up for rehearsal and help decorate the church the day before
-Help me on the day of with my train, veil and bustle.
-learn the simple dance routine we agreed to do to walk into the reception
– Be my shock absorbers for any less than perfect things that happen on the day
– Enjoy themselves and hopefully wear their dress again

Post # 14
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@Miss Tattoo: Tell me any problems they have upfront or if anything comes up. (money, family, work, life) I’d rather a bridesmaid tell me that she can’t afford the dress upfront so we can work something out.


Post # 15
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I expected them to:

-buy their dresses on time

– wear shoes in the color that I requested

– spend the night before the wedding with me in the hotel suite (although my sister didn’t sleep with us, she was in a separate room)

– if they were getting their hair/makeup done, to  have their money ready on the day-of

– put up with my ridiculous indecisiveness over everything (they were all champs at this!)

– keep me calm on the morning of/night before

– give me opinions on song choices, dresses, etc.

Basically, I wanted them to be a sounding board for my ideas. Which they were all great at πŸ™‚ I DIDN”t expect them to actually help me with any planning stuff (calling vendors, organizing the wedding, etc). I think it’s a combo of 1. that’s not really fun for them, and 2. I’m too much of a control freak to let someone else do that stuff.

Post # 16
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with arclee, i just expect them to show up and be my friend in the meantime. lol. I have a girl who basically called dibs on being Maid/Matron of Honor without being asked but we’re not even really friends anymore – I’ve seen her once this year. I don’t want her in the bridal party unless we plan on becoming better friends again, which seems unlikely.

The topic ‘What do you expect of your bridesmaids?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors