(Closed) What do you feel guilty about the most by having a DW?

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
  • poll: What do you feel guilty about by having a DW?
    Elderly relatives that can't come : (21 votes)
    31 %
    People are spending a lot to attend who may not have the money : (41 votes)
    60 %
    Other, please explain below : (6 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7295 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    pretty much i felt guilty for the same things. my aunt couldn’t come because she had had a knee surgery and just couldn’t travel at that time. And the money factor i felt bad about for some people (like our parents) who felt obligated to come – we compensated by choosing a budget resort (as in, not my first pick for where i wanted to get married) so it wouldn’t be too expensive.  And in the end, everyone certainly had a fabulous time.    I like to think that one day we will pay our immediate families back for their travel expenses.

     

    ETA: i didn’t feel guilty about my close friends that i knew felt they had to come, because if they really couldn’t, then they wouldn’t have (as a couple didn’t come in the end).  But i did feel a little conflicted when one of my BMs got pregnant long after we booked. I told her i would totally understand if she chose not to come anymore, but she insisted she wanted to and she came and had an awesome time.

    Post # 4
    Member
    501 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    We had a Destination Wedding. We were worried about the things you talked about. After the Destination Wedding, we have no guilt or regret.

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    6123 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I was WRACKED with guilt when I had a Jackson Hole wedding planned (was to be July 14).  It was awful, as in sleepless nights awful.  I didn’t invite any elderly relatives.  My 95 year old grammie could have cared less about a wedding.  Our parents are all 60 years old and were invited.

    I had one sister who lives with her boyfriend.  Together they have 2 small kids, and he has 4 kids from a previous marriage.  She is unemployed and he pays child support up the wazoo.  She was telling me how she wanted to take all SIX kids out West for a family trip while they are out for my wedding (like go to Yellowstone after Grand Teton park).  It was going to cost her $5000 with flights/hotels/van rental.  I could not believe this!  I don’t want anyone who is unemployed spending that much to see me get married!  She would have charged it on a credit card I’m sure.

    Then FI’s sister’s husband lost his job, THEN broke his leg.  We’re talking cast up to the thigh.  She is a teacher and together they have two small kids.  It would have been a big burden on them to come out as well since they were living on one teacher salary.

    So those two sisters I felt the MOST guilty about.

    Then the fact that I didn’t want to have to play hostess at my own house before and after the wedding.  I had 7 people asking if they could sleep in my house before and after.  I had to tell them not this trip.  The actual wedding was going to be 4 hours from my house, but my house was closer to the cheaper airport.  There was an airport at the wedding site, but it is much more expensive.

    Then my mom was mad that I didn’t want to have her in my home, and would say crap like, “What do you expect me to fly our for 2-3 days and then fly home?  That’s a hell of a long way to go for just a wedding.  What else is there going to be?” 

    MIND YOU – I had a 3 day wedding event planned for Jackson Hole – Friday night welcome dinner, Saturday wedding/reception, Sunday white water rafting.

    The guilt was awful.  Everyone is relieved that there is no more wedding for them to attend.  Hell, I am relieved I cancelled that wedding.

    Post # 6
    Member
    84 posts
    Worker bee

    I feel guilty that more of my husbands family couldnt make it..  And although its not my fault that they wern’t in a situation where they could make it, i still feel guilty that he didnt have everyone there that he wanted.

    Post # 8
    Member
    789 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    We’re getting married in 3 weeks in the Bahamas. We felt a little guilty that FH’s brother & his family can’t go, my mom is too old to travel and so we just invited my life-long friend & his partner (they are wealthy and would have come anywhere we’ d have a wedding) FI’s dad & date (no money probs there either) and Fi’s mom. My daughter will be with us too. It may be a tiny stretch for his mom but we rented a large house with 4 bedrooms and anyone who wants to can stay with us. She’ll just need airfare & food $$. We solved the rest by planning an “at home” reception for a month after the wedding. The remaining friends & family can come to that. We get our wedding the way we really want it and have a chance to celebrate with others.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    It’s definitely refreshing to read these posts and realize so many brides to be have the same feelings, so thanks all for sharing!

    As a travel fiend I’ve always, always known if I got married it would be destination. I’m starting to get really excited about my upcoming ceremony which will be in about 4 months in Mexico (we’re based in NYC).

    That being said, it took me months to get over all of the “oh-my-lord-this-is-so-expensive-logistically-challenging-for-guests-expensive” guilt. I think it’s natural as sensible people to have these feelings. I’m lucky enough to have a super supportive family who was on board with it, but this oddly made me feel even guiltier…as in, am I taking advantage of my nice, supportive family by having a wedding requiring everyone to travel miles and miles?

    However, ultimately I truly believe every destination wedding is so special. That rush and wonder you feel at discovering a new country, city, culture adds such an incredibly special feel to a wedding. Having attended wedding both in Brazil and Spain and here at home, I have to say personally just nothing beats a destination wedding. 

    At the end of the day, we only do this once. So if a destination wedding is what you want and in your means to do it, do it and enjoy it, guilt be screwed! 🙂

    Post # 12
    Member
    199 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @ChaeC:  I’m also from NYC and having a destination wedding.  I feel so guilty that my grandma and aunts won’t be there – but we’re skyping the ceremony for them and making sure they have champagne while they watch!

    I feel a little guilty about the $$ too – but we made it very clear that we didn’t expect everyone to come.  And that if they WERE going to take a vacation, and wanted to come to our destination, we’d be thrilled to have them. But if they wanted to spend their time and money somewhere else, we would not hold that against them. 

    I’ve never been away with my family, so I think this will create a great memory.  But I do wish my grandma could be there…

    Post # 13
    Member
    478 posts
    Helper bee

    So, as Fiance and I are from 2 cities very far apart and neither of us currently lives in either city, our wedding was bound to be a “destination wedding” for at least one side of our families.  That ended up being primarily my side, as we’re getting married in his home town.  I feel really bad that so many of my relatives simply can’t afford the ticket and hotel room out there.  But my hometown is even farther away from where we currently live than his, and while planning a wedding in Chicago when we live in Maryland was hard enough, planning a wedding in California would have been worse!  We drove to Chicago once, I was able to visit 2 more times because I had 2 business trips out that way, and Fiance just left there recently.   So we were able to take care of wedding stuff during those trips.  No way would we have been able to do that much if it had been all the way in California.  But still, I feel bad.  I’ll have fewer of my family members there than he will, and my remaining set of grandparents won’t be able to come.  and for those who are coming, I’m sure it’s quite an expense.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1643 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    I do feel bad that my two nan’s (and his one) can’t come. 

    But I’ve had a massive talk to both of them, and they both said we have to do what’s right for us and what makes us happy.  And a Destination Wedding is and does!  They have both said they want to see lots of photos on return, and we’re going to make them up a photo album.  Both would obviously come if it was in England, but have no intention of flying to NYC.

    His gran on the other hand would definately fly to NYC, but she can’t.  So she is really sad she can’t come, her health is the reason she can’t fly.  So for her it’s a double edged sword, the doctor has said she definately shouldn’t go.

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    199 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @traveller:  yes, i wrote that on my wedding website, and even included it in our invitations as well, saying we know everyone can’t make it, but we are honored that they’ve even considered it.  we’re getting married out of the country, so I sent everyone who responded yes a handwritten airmail letter letting them know how excited and honored we are to have them. 

    as far as skyping, we’re bringing an ipad, and my grandma and aunts will hook up my aunts computer to her tv screen and “watch”.  I’m making sure they have champagne and we are inviting my FI’s family to join if they’d like.  My friend is going to hold the ipad, making sure we’re always in frame.  i don’t think you’ll be able to hear much, but it’s the best we can do.  i’m going to bring the ipad to the reception as well.  knowing me i’ll probably get drunk and make funny faces in it all night, even if there is no one watching on the other side.  LOL!

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