- 6 years ago
So this past Tuesday my boyfriend of almost 3-years said we needed to talk. I of course was freaking out because no one likes hearing those dreaded words. I got to his house that evening, and he said that he had done a lot of thinking, and that right now he just couldn’t be in a relationship. At this point he started full on sobbing saying that this was the hardest decision he’s ever had to make in his life, that he still loves me so much, and cares for me so much, but that right now he’s not happy in his own life. He just moved back home after getting his degree and started with a new organization. He’s highly pressured at work, and he has a lot of stresses at home.
Before dating me, he was in a relationship for 6 years. One which he says was extremely toxic, unhealthy, one in which his ex was very immature, and he never really learned how to communicate or really grow. It was a few months after leaving that relationship that he started up with me, but he essentially has never been single to “figure himself out.” He was saying he has no clue who he is, he doesn’t even know what his hobbies are. He said that he needs to be single right now, and he needs to just fix his head, and just get out there and “do.” He said he shouldn’t be with anyone right now.
He said that he’s always wanted us to work, he always saw the future with me, and being with me for the long-haul. He said what we have is so amazing, that I’m the closest person to him in his life, and that he couldn’t even imagine telling other people some of the things he’s told me. He’s said he’s never loved anyone the way he loves me, I’m his best friend, he doesn’t want to burn bridges, etc etc.
I did stumble across some threads about people who have broken up before getting engaged and it doesn’t seem to be an all too uncommon theme. I think I can relate by saying my ex is going through the guy “freak out mode” right now. Maybe he doesn’t want to feel he’s ever missed out on anything in his youth. (BTW he’s 26, I’m 27.)
At the end of the break up conversation he did say he could see us reuniting in the future, and that he would like that. But right now he really needs to sort himself out. I’m obviously not going to sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting for him to come back, I’m moving into my own new apartment next month, plan to see my friends more, and have a great time just refocusing on myself.
I did leave him off with this one final e-mail:
“Hey, I hope you’re doing OK today. I just wanted to tell you that I’ve done some thinking about everything you said on Tuesday. You asked if I had anything to say to you, I guess it was a lot to process at that moment and why I was kind of stoic and silent, it’s not that I didn’t care. I do agree with your decision and I think we both need some time apart. I realize that I have upset you in the past, and understand that this played a part in things not working. This will be a great opportunity for me to acknowledge those things and fix those things in myself.