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Looking at the thread Why are mothers so judgemental of other mothers? as well as various articles of mothers judging one another over things like breastfeeding vs. formula, organic vs. non-organic foods, cry it out vs not, etc. I wonder what sorts of things DADS would argue over regarding parenting.
MemberModerate Mouse: I think Dads are more focused on raising their own kids than how other dads raise theirs’. As long as the child’s well-being is not in danger they pretty much refrain from judging.
MemberSome I’ve heard debated are philosophy on how to handle bullies, whether or not to insist that a kid works for money, degree of permissiveness, tough it out or nurturing when injured.
MemberDads come more into play later when the kids are involved with sports, etc. Than mom can get a break!
MemberMy husband is probably guilty of judging other dads based on how involved they are with taking care of their babies. He can’t believe some men don’t change diapers or don’t help out at night. He also usually feels like he isn’t doing enough to help me with our son so he’s hard on himself as well.
MemberI find dads are super judgey of how involved dad is with an infant or young baby, especially the nighttime stuff. And ditto with toddlers now that our baby is older.
MemberI think dads might judge each other over how their kids behave–if they are out of control, one dad might think the other dad doesn’t have good leadership in his household or something. I think they also judge each other over whether they “provide” for their family the best way. Or whether they have the correct fatherly values–one father might emphasize his kids being good at sports, another might emphasize religion, another might emphasize reading and education, and they might judge dads who do things differently. Just some dynamics I’ve observed in DH discussing his buddies who are also dads!
MemberMsKeee: I think you are right though like with moms, they take opposite sides right? Some dads take pride in being really involved in that stuff, and others take pride in how they are far too busy and important to deign to get up at night with a screaming baby. Ha!
MemberIn my circle of friends, there’s a lot of dad-judgement based on what a true “manly” dad is like while raising kids. Whether or not he values financial success to be crucial to raising kids and being a “real man,” his hobbies and activities that he introduces his kid to, etc.
MemberMy H judges dads who are absentee, unengaged with their kids or workaholics at the expense of their families. He especially judges deadbeat dads or fathers who prioritize their children with the second wife.
MemberI don’t know what it is but men are so different than women on judging people and the whole gossip thing. I never thought I was one to gossip much or be judge mental. I only express my opinions and relay things to my husband because he’s my husband. But he always points out when I am doing either and I realize how different we are. Here I am thinking I’m just telling him about my day and venting about someone we know who has put me in a difficult situation but he sees it as gossip and judgmental.
I just don’t think guys notice other guys unless they have the locker room mentality. Otherwise I just don’t think they care or notice.
MemberI know my husband judges other fathers if they aren’t hands on with their little ones. Other than being downright negligent with them that’s it really. But they don’t have all the hormonal rollercoaster that women do, which is bound to leave women feeling a bit insecure and getting competitive and judgemental. Rightly or wrongly.
