(Closed) What do you know about adoption?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Friends of ours just went through this!  First, you need to decide what kind of adoption you want:  international or local adoption.  Decide on whether you want to adopt an infant, a toddler, or what age you’d like to go up to.  If international, which country? If local, open adoption or closed adoption?  And, you have to decide if you’re willing to accept a biracial child, if you are ok with adopting a special needs child, etc. 

Once our friends made that decision, they found an adoption attorney.  That’s the best place to start.  He/she will be able to direct you to good, reliable adoption agencies, already have birth parents that have contacted them looking for families, and can help get your resume out to places you might not think of!  The attorney will also put you in contact with a social worker who will do your home study.  The attorney will also help you get your start and explain what needs to be done.  S/he will also be able to tell you what your state’s laws are re. adoption, and what the costs are (their fee, birthmother’s attorney fee which you’ll have to cover, hospitalization information, etc.).

Our friends, who did a local adoption, put together an adoption resume to be given, by their attorney, to prospective birthmothers/parents.  It was really cute, filled with each of their biographies, why they chose adoption, photos, and other pertinent information.  It was like a little book about them!  They also informed EVERYONE they knew that they were looking for a baby to adopt.  They took out ads in the local paper and waited for calls.  They blanketed college campuses with their info.  She let her OB/GYN know she was looking.   They went to their church to let people know they were interested in adopting a baby.  They worked their asses off to find a baby.  It took them 5 months and they had their baby in their arms!  They found the birthmother through an ad they placed in the local paper. 

Good luck to you!  If you have any questions, I can give my friend a call and ask her! 

Adding:  you will have to show that you are financially stable and able to afford a child, too.  They live in an apartment, so you don’t need to have a house in order to adopt. 

 

Post # 4
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

There’s a lot of information, I’ve read several articles on adoption.com.

Keep in mind that there are tax credits to assist in adopting.  From what I read, it’s eager to throw your whole heart into it but you have to be cautious because it’s a trying time for everyone (going through the process).  Also, it would be good for you to start writing a list of want you think you want and what you know you can’t handle (behavioral issues, medical conditions, etc) so you don’t go in unsure.  Are you thinking strictly adoption, or going the path of fostering and maybe adopting through that?

I got a lot of great responses from both perspectives in one of my threads: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/anyone-considering-adoptionfostercare-or-have-adoptedfostered

 

Post # 5
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Oh, our friends also found an adoption support group that was open to anyone interested in adoption or who’ve already adopted.  The folks there were a great source of information!  You can see if there’s anything like that in your community! 

Post # 6
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Thanks for posting this! Very interesting. We’re looking to adopt too but much further down the line. 

Post # 9
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Unfortunately, I don’t have much to add except to say that I am a child of (local) adoption and how wonderful the process is.  I grew up in a stable family situation with a family who made sure I never had a need and made education and career a #1 priority.  My situation would have been far less stable if my birth mother had kept me (though I recently tracked her down, and she seems like a great person). 

My family went through a lawyer for the whole thing and it was a very easy process for them.  Of course, that was 24 years ago, so times have changed.  I’d suggest going through a lawyer rather than an agency because of their experience, but again, I only know about the process 24 years ago.

Post # 11
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

BanditGirl pretty much got all the details in there for you.

As far as personal experience, both of my parents were adopted. And my youngest sister was adopted by them. I was 18 when her adoption was finalized, so I saw a lot of what was going on. An agency was picked, applications and home visits were conducted. They made a choice about age range, whether they were okay with disabilities, etc. Background checks are done. The home visits occur every few months and then once after the child has been adopted. (Maybe more, depending on the agency.)

The agency they went through had a website with profiles of children. (Since they were not going the newborn route). My sister was 4, from China, in a foster home when adopted. I’m not sure the cost but I’m aware that it was NOT cheap. Add the airfare, etc, to that and I would guesstimate $10,000 or so.

If you have specific questions I’m sure I could answer some or get you in contact with my mother. She has all the knowledge you could dream of.

Post # 13
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

China prefers couples to be in their 30’s or 40’s as it shows signs of maturity and fiscal responsibility! 

If I remember correctly, the combined age of the parents cannot be over 90?  Not 100% positive on that, but you can do some checking!

Post # 14
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Mrs.Firefly1: My mother was 37 or 38 and my step-dad was in his early 40s. He’s now almost 50. The thing with international is that it definitely keeps it a closed adoption. Most of those children are true orphans and no one has any idea where their parents are. My sister is special needs, but only because she has spina bifida (it doesn’t affect anything but her balance now and possibly reproductively later on). So if you are willing to go the special needs route, it’s not always full-on issues. I think poor vision is considered a special need. It will help your adoption process go faster – as in, you would be priority, if that is not an issue for you and your FH. That goes for both local and international. One of my mom’s friends adopted twins from Kazakhstan (sp?) and their process was fairly quick as well, as they had fetal alcohol syndrome. You can’t tell, developmentally. They were quite young, I think around 1 year old.

I’m not all that familiar with local adoption – both my parents were locally adopted, but this was 40-ish years ago. One has a closed adoption and one has an open one.

Post # 15
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@BanditGirl: They do prefer older couples. But over 45 is a no-no. My step-dad was 44, I think, and they questioned that. However, they had three other children so the agency didn’t feel it was an issue as much.

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