(Closed) What do you ladies think of getting legally married before the wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It has to be whatever works for you.

Overall, I don’t have a problem with it. Marriage to me is when the couple defines it. For some peiole, it’s when it’s legal; for some people, it’s at a wedding.

I did have a friend in the Army who got divorced after a quick marriage. However, there were a LOT of red flags/problems/other factors in that relationship.

Post # 5
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree that it’s whatever you feel is right for you.  My Fiance wanted to get legally married almost a year before our wedding, so that I could get better benefits.  Somewhere in my brain it just took the romance out of the whole thing for me, so I told him I wanted to wait.  I’ve seen some people say they disagree, that we’d still be just as married, and the wedding would be just as special, but I just couldn’t do it.

Post # 6
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s up to you. The ceremony isn’t about being legal– the paperwork is filed separately anyhow. The ceremony is about binding you to your husband in a meaningful way that you’ll treasure more than legality. As long as it’s meaningful for both of you, there’s no reason to have it on a specific date.

Post # 7
Member
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I posted something very similar a few days ago (we’re thinking about doing that for health insurance reasons, but not telling people before our actual wedding next summer).  

I was really surprised how many bees thought it was rude / horrible / lying to your guests to not mention that you’re already *legally* married.  To me, the government involvement in your relationship is silly to begin with.  A wedding is when you pledge your lives to each other in front of all your family and friends, and then party your ass off!

In our case though, my fiance can’t get some medical tests done before he’s on my insurance due to a pre-existing condition on his individual plan.  It’s not life-threatening but it is fairly important.  If it’s just a matter of slightly better benefits, like it sounds like for you, then I’d probably wait too.

 

Post # 8
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you get legally married beforehand, then it’s no longer a wedding, but a vow renewal. Also, for vow renewals, you shouldn’t expect gifts, and shouldn’t have bridal showers, and bachelorette parties. 

Post # 9
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I totally understand where you are coming from and I in a similar situation and I am also getting married in Charlottesville. I have a good job with great benefits, but we’ve also considered going to a courthouse prior to the wedding. Personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal either way and you can celebrate however you want. I have been to other military weddings knowing the couple has been married for a year and they had a beautiful wedding and no one thought any differently about the event.

Post # 11
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@wubewe:  Me and SO are getting married before he deploys early next year. If your guy is not deploying, I can see why you wouldn’t, but if he is, I would suggest doing it for the information you would be entitled to as a spouse while he is gone, ability to go on base without assistance, ability to make decisions regarding his health if he is injured, and the other benefits. You never know what could happen.

But if he’s not deploying, then I don’t see the problem with waiting and doing it traditionally.

Post # 12
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I definarely agree with you. We have recently discussed getting legally married a lot more becuase he will deploy sometime during the next month!

I looked at a ton of wineries around the area and decided on Veritas Vineyard! I absolutely fell in love everything about it, but there are so many beautiful venues in and around Charlottesville. Have you decided on your venue yet?

Post # 13
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I have a friend who married her husband; he is in the Army; before the “wedding” I think this is more common the military community then elsewhere for the reasons you state. And there is nothing wrong with this. My friend is having their wedding next year and I wonder if they are excited about it or not?

 

I think If I was in the position, I would have a small celebration for family the day/night I got married and would pick somewhere really beautiful to get married at. I would throw a party on our first year anniversary, if I needed to do a big family affair.

Post # 16
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lolot:   To me, the government involvement in your relationship is silly to begin with.

I completely agree! We considered not signing any paperwork. Ultimately, it was going to make things easier for us (insurance, name changes, etc) so we just did it.

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