Post # 1
I’m the sister of the bride to be. First I’ll give a littel background. We have both been in a long committed relationship (>4 Years) and our boyfriends were starting to look for rings about the same time. Well her bf proposed first, so she is now the engaged one (younger sister) and my bf is still looking (and saving) for the ring, but we’ve pretty much decided we’re getting married next September (2012).
Recently, we went to a bridal show for my sister. She said she wanted the whole day to be about her and for her to be the only bride in the group. I said ok, though I’ve been to other bridal shows with my friends and everyone’s been the bride because you get more free stuff, but whatever. We’re visiting all the booths and she’s signing up for all of this stuff. We come to a wedding gown booth and she’s signing up for a discount and an appointment. I was just standing with her and a woman working the booth asks if I’m getting married. I say yes, but I don’t have a ring yet, but my bf and I are planning on getting married next year. She says, oh would you like this discount and an appointment to try on dresses? And I say, sure that would be good. I sign up for an appointment, and she notices that we have the last name and that we’re sisters. Would you like to go the same day as your sister? Sure, that would be good, since we’ll both be there…This made my sister very angry that I signed up for the appt. She said she wanted that day to be about her, and I couldn’t try on dresses the same day she tried on dresses, because that would take away from her day. I thought it would be fun to try on dresses together (even though my appt is an hour after her’s anyways, so we wouldnt’ exactly be trying on dresses at the same time). Was I wrong in making the appointment?
Post # 3
Honestly, I hate to say this, but I think I would feel the same way.
We only get married once (hopefully). We only get one day to be all about us. So to have to share all those special days leading up to can feel crummy.
I am not saying she is wrong or right, but I am saying that I completely understand where she is coming from. She may want to feel like the special one. And I get it.
Post # 4
I can understand your feelings and think it’s fine to book and appointment, but not for the same day. I think that the day you choose your gown, it’s okay to want it to be a little bit special and about you.
Post # 5
Somewhat of a same situation here.. Ill explain. My Fiance and I have been together 7 years and we got engaged at 4 and 1/2 years in 2008. My sister and her husband now got engaged at 5 years and have been together for 6 years now. THey got engaged just last year and planned for this May 2011 wedding. Well my Fiance and I set our date back in June 2010 for May 2012. Aannnd I started planning in January this year for our wedding next year. She got somewhat jealous and protective of my mother and the fact that it was her time to plan for her big day and it should be all about her.and when My mother would go with me to do stuff she didn’t like it but never said anything untilll like two weeks before her big day. I hadn’t even done that much just booked the chapel in advance like we were supposed to and we had been dress shopping a few times but she never wanted to go. If it were me , I’d probably cancel my appointment just to make her happy, and lose the drama. I don’t think you did anything wrong at all!! Im very much a people pleaser so I’d go back and cancel probably !! When is your sister planning on getting married???
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s wrong for you to make an appointment to try on dresses, but I can totally understand she wouldn’t want you to do it the same day as her. Let her have the excitement for that day, and then go another day when it can be all about you!
Post # 6
The phrasing of the poll choices is…not neutral. I didn’t vote because of that.
Why you are wrong: It’s tough when two sisters are planning weddings at the same time. It’s reasonable for her to want some things to be just for her. You knew your sister didn’t want to share the limelight, so signing up for the same day dress trying was not right. You should have respected that and selected another day.
Why she is wrong: Asking you to hide your relationship on a vendor-hunting day, when it does no harm. (That said, you did agree to it and you could have refused or chosen not to join her…)
It really seems to me that you are upset that she is younger but engaged first. I’m getting married 6 years after my younger brother (by 4 years) got married. People’s timing goes at different paces. You need to learn to accept that. (She also needs to appreciate that you are wedding planning without a ring.)
Post # 7
honestly, i’d feel the same as your sister.
while you have “pretty much” decided to get married september 2012… you do not have a proposal yet, you aren’t concrete in your plans yet, and (yeah this part isn’t fair) she got there first. And… she IS making concrete plans and getting married sooner.
it’s fine if your “pretty much” and “maybe” stuff turns into real stuff and you want to start making real plans… but do your wedding planning seperately. you did kida barge in on HER wedding planning and she wants this time to be her very own special time.
if she wants to be the center of attention, let her be. and you can make your own appointments and plans and be the center of attention then.
Post # 8
I’m normally in the “You get ONE day” camp but in this case I can totally understand her not wanting to try on dresses on the same day. Picking out a dress is supposedly one of the more special parts of planning and it can be really stressful. What if she can’t find anything and you love the first dress you try on? She’s going to feel like sh*t. Just avoid all the drama and pick a different day.
Post # 9
Could you find a way to compromise with your sister? I’m an only child and I think it would be so fun to get to try on dresses with my sister as we both prepare for a wedding– but I can totally understand the sentiment to want a special dress day! What if you went before your sister, so that she could leave the shop feeling special and the center of attention? (Of course, I’d ask her if that would help, she might have the exact opposite opinion!)
If it’s really important to her, I don’t think this is worth a fight this early in the wedding process. If it’s not a huge trouble, I would say “I’m sorry, I totally didn’t see it that way and I’ll reschedule my appointment, but would you still come help me try on dresses on my day?”
And then maybe after each of you have had individual days, you could go try on some together!
Post # 10
In the specific case of making the appointment for the same day as your sister’s… I agree with her. It takes away from BOTH of you to try on dresses the same day; I think you should both have your own separate days to have everyone focusing on just you and what dresses look best on you. I would see if you can reschedule your appointment for another day. It’s in both of your best interests.
Post # 11
I personally think she is being a brat. I would have loved nothing more than to share my wedding planning with my sister as a bride. You get ONE day – your wedding day!! Now of course, I wouldn’t say schedule events (bridal shower, bach party) for the same day, but there is no harm in trying on dresses the same day. You can help her for her hour, and she can help you for yours. This should be a FUN experience, not a selfish bratty one. I don’t really see how you are stealing any time from her, and just because she has everything set (I think) doesn’t mean she is any better than you or deserves any better treatment.
I would ask her if she were in your shoes, what would she have done? How would she feel if you got engaged sooner, and she was waiting for a ring? Wouldn’t she want to be included?
Post # 12
My younger sister and I were engaged at the same time (she got engaged and married first, with our weddings being about 3 months apart) and at times it was really difficult. My sister was initially not very happy about our wedding date and so we had to have many conversations about this kind of situation.
I have to agree with the ladies above. I don’t think that you were wrong to sign up for a dress appointment, but I do think that it was wrong to sign up on the same day. Honestly, dress shopping is difficult and special and you’ll want some of that “me” time too. It isn’t like a normal shopping trip because it’s so emotionally fraught.
Here’s what made things okay for my sister and I: we decided ahead of time who was the “BRIDE” at particular events. That didn’t mean that I couldn’t say to people “yes, I’m engaged too”. It just meant that on that day, at that event, I wasn’t looking for things for my wedding and vice versa.
Post # 13
It could be a good time to share, but it really depends on the situation. My older sister and I are both getting married. I planned my wedding first last summer, she just started a few months ago, and chose a month after my wedding. In the beginning tensions were high for me because I wanted my time to be special, and everything was being piggy backed, such as her choosing my colors, and our other sister (both of our maids of honor) trying to make my Out of Town bachelorette party with all my friends a joint one (last minute)..
Anyway.. I agree with most posters here, just make it another day.. I know you mean well (and she will realize it too like I have) but it just doesn’t come off the right way. Also, cut her a lil slack – we all get a little bridezilla-y at this stressful time, so try not to take it personally.. 🙂 Good luck!!!
Post # 14
I agree with @kay01, you’re poll isn’t neutral.
I went through the same situation, but with my mom instead of a sister. My mom has been engaged for 3 years with no real intention of marrying. Then when I got engaged she decided she would get married. 3 months before me! So a lot of our wedding planning overlapped. But we would plan out our days and say “ok, today is going to be all about you, and tomorrow is going to be all about me”. It worked really well for us.
I’m sure it’s hard that she has a ring and you don’t (yet), but you have to think about her feelings in this situation too.
Post # 15
Thanks for the comments everyone. I guess I’ll cancel my appointment.
I just don’t understand where this transformation of the “me” generation began. My wedding has to be about “me! me! me!”. Is it due to the extreme commercialism and marketing of weddings now? I thought weddings were supposed to be a happy time, celebrating the union of the bride AND groom, not just all about the bride. It’s supposed to be shared and fun, not everyone walking on eggshells around the bride because we’re all afraid to upset her. Or doing something she doesn’t like, because she feels we’re going to ‘steal her spotlight’ at every event leading up to the wedding. I totally get what LGenz is saying, and didn’t think about that before, so that’s why I’m cancelling the appointment. I would feel really bad if I found the perfect dress and she didn’t on the same day of trying on dresses. That’s the only reason I’m going to cancel though. I don’t agree with this whole “you’re going to steal my spotlight, and every event we do has to be wholly about me and whatever I say goes, and you can’t say anything otherwise, or you’ll be upsetting me, which will ruin my whole experience as a bride to be”. Maybe I’m just different, but when I’m planning my wedding, I want others’ opinions and help, and I want it to be a fun and shared experience between us all. Not just a fun experience for me, at the expense of everyone else. And besides that, because she got in such a tizzy about the appointment, she let it ruin the rest of the day and did not have fun at all at the bridal show. Does that sound like a special and fun bride to be event?