(Closed) what do you think about open relationships?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m with you. I think it is fine if that is what makes other people happy, but there is no way in hell I could ever be in an open relationship. I love having my husband all to myself and sharing everything with just him. I don’t want or need anybody else. I think your friend needs to find someone else. That guy sounds awful to me!

Post # 4
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think if it works for the couple and there are no jealousy issues or abuse, it’s totally fine. But both partners have to be 100% on board with it, obviously. I would never call one couple’s decision selfish or inappropriate, because there’s no way I could possibly know the whole story or the relationship like they do.

FWIW, neither Darling Husband nor I could ever live with this kind of situation, but that’s just us. I’m not about to project my beliefs or desires on another couple–do what works for you!

Post # 5
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I wouldnt be able to handle it because I am crazy jealous.

I do think that it works for some people though. As long as they set out their boundaries before getting involved with it, it could be very beneficial for some people.

I think if your friend isn’t feeling it, I would say she should get out. Next time setting boundaries beforehand would make it easier for her. 

Post # 6
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

She needs to tell home her thoughts about it but me and my fiance have actually kinda considered it. Obviously we are committed to each other but it sounds a lil fun lol but our group of friends are like that. Most at least. And we are still talking about it but I’m not sure I could let him do it lol I don’t know if I could share him

Post # 7
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

If you’re going to have an open relationship you REALLY REALLY REALLY have to be on the same page. I don’t see any point in her continuing the realtionship she is in. He has made it clear he wants both girls, not one central relationship and one on the side. She will just be unhappy and I doubt his choices will change.

I think open relationships are difficult and mostly end up with someone getting hurt. I’m sure there are guys out there that enjoy open relationships in the same way your friend does.

I could never do that. It seems like such a hassle! One guy at a time is all I can handle! 😉

Hopefully it works out for your friend, but I really don’t see that guy changing his ways to fit her needs.

Post # 8
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think your friend was led to believe she’d be in an ‘open’ relationship, when in fact she’s in a polyamorous one.  Very different things, IMO.  I’d leave his ass ASAP for this as I would also assume they would have their ‘central’ relationship with dont ask, don’t tell on the side- not a whole other serious relationship going on.

I’m also in the “as long as everyone’s happy” camp and don’t care what other people do in their relationships as long as it’s good for both people.  Once it becomes one-sided, that’s just nasty stuff.

 

Post # 9
Member
14486 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hell no.  I could not handle sharing my SO with someone else.  Or do I think I have the ability to properly date another person while keeping a central relationship. 

Post # 10
Hostess
23602 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Okay, I must admit that when I saw that it was you posting this thread, my heart stopped!  I thought it was something that you were going through (Yikes!)!  Glad it’s not though. 🙂 Anyway, onwards…

I’m with you.  Although, one of my very good friends who just got married a little while ago struggles with that exact topic with her husband.  He’s been pretty good about it, but is frequently crabby because he struggles with being committed to her.  So all that being said?  Yeah, it’s not okay with me but it happens.

Post # 12
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I think it is a generally bad idea.  I me it is just impossible to maintain the health of a relationship while exploring other people.

 

Post # 13
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’m not comfortable with open relationships for myself. I especially wouldn’t be comfortable with the type of relationship your friend’s boyfriend wants and I don’t think he’s going to change his mind. Sounds like your friend has a lot of thinking to do. The open relationship your friend describes is the definition I am used to/have seen happen in real life.

Prior to meeting my husband I was in an open relationship for almost 3 years where I was the primary partner. I don’t think I could ever do that again, being in that relationship transformed me into a jealous and insecure person. I didn’t like who I had become. Your friend should think about not giving away or losing herself and settling just because she likes this guy.

 

Post # 14
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I personally believe that “open” relationships degrade the very definition of intimacy in a spousal type relationship. I’ve never personally seen one “work” either.

Post # 15
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Um, no.  I waited 40 years for this man and I will be damned if I am sharing the few years that we will have.

& @runsyellowlites: <- This.

Post # 16
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Not for me.

For your friend, the bf is upfront and honest about what he wants, which is different than what she wants.  (I wouldn’t call him selfish, in some ways, I think if you agree to an open relationship wanting to have a primary relationship could be characterized as more selfish.)  Seems a recipe for disaster.  They each need someone on the same page as them.

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