Post # 1
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
Just off the top of your heads…without a ton of background, I’d like to ask a question. What do you ladies think about an SO who says this when I finally told him my expectation/wish/goal was marriage? After a little bit of a ‘struggle’ he did say that yes it was his ultimate goal. We are planning/working towards moving in together as we speak.
So – at one point I said: “listen, if a relationship doesn’t grow and move forward, it becomes stale and goes nowhere.”
His answer: “you’re right – we need to move forward.”
What do you think about that answer?
Post # 3
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee
That he wants to move forward?
Post # 4
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
I think it’s basically a non-answer. With no background (as you wished) I’d think he was putting me off, and making no definite commitments to propose.
Post # 5
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee
Sounds like either he sees your point and wants to move forward or he’s pacifying you.
Post # 6
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
I agree with @Tunacupcakes… without more detail it can only be one or the other.
Post # 7
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee
he’s just parroting back what you say probably to get you to drop the subject. Without any other information, that’s what I think.
Post # 8
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
True – one or the other of those.
I also flat out asked “is your desire and plan for us to end up married.” His answer was YES.
Post # 9
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
That likely means we are, we’re moving in that’s “forward”.
Post # 10
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
You’re right guys – it’s very non-commital. Sometimes when you’re in the middle of something, it’s hard to really “see” or you don’t want to “see it” or refuse to “see it.” I think talking it through even though I’m doing so on a message board with strangers is helping me think through this.
I get confused at times. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves me. I know this with all my heart and I love him. He is definitely a commitment-phobe. It was his idea to move in together and we both own homes. I’m NOT giving mine up and it makes more since for lots of reasons to live in my house versus his. So, he’s selling his house (with no equity) or either renting it whichever comes first/makes sense.
He’s putting lots of money into fixing up my house. I mean LOTS. I told him in a very nice, polite yet stern way how much I appreciate it but that I am unwilling to put his name on the “deed” or give him any ownership in my home until we’re legal. He said, “duly noted.” Yet he continues to spend money on the house.
He’s a great guy – but a divorced guy ( and I’m a divorced woman ) who had a very bad experience with his marriage. As did I.
He’s said: “i plan on spending the rest of my life with you.” He’s spending money as I said and he’s a TIGHTWAD. He says “Yes, to my question “do you want to end up married to me?” But yet there is a non-commital side…
I’m just confused ladies. I haven’t given a timeline REALLY – like a hard and fast date but I’ve eluded to a year.
lawdy mercy….this is stressful!
Post # 11
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
@prshadow: I think it is a really good sign that he is putting time and money into your house. Would you feel comfortable sitting him down and establishing a timeline with him?
Post # 12
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
That’s a good question. I think so, I don’t want to push it too hard at this point because believe me when I say this “he’s come a long way baby!” But I think after a couple months of living together and him seeing that it’s not the same awful experience as he had before, I should definitely establish a timeline with him.
I feel it’ll have to be a slow process discussing the “M” word. LOL!
This is really hard and confusing – so glad I have you bees so I can vent and throw theories and ideas out there. Waiting sucks.
Post # 12
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
The first thing I thought of was – define forward but that could be law school brain speaking..
Post # 13
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
LOL – he did go to law school. Didn’t become a lawyer but he did go to law school. Oh my gosh. Actually, I was the first to use the “forward” term. He was “spitting” it back perhaps like another poster suggested.
Who knows. I’m getting worn out worrying about intentions…
Post # 14
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
Depends on the context. With my ex – that comment would have been made to get me “off his back”. With my DH, I would have taken him seriously and expect the relationship to move forward.
Post # 15
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
I don’t know what that means so my next question would’ve been, “what’s forward?”
Does moving in without a marriage license mean the relationship is going forward? If I was dating a big commitmentphobe I wouldn’t move in without being married. I know a girl who thought moving in = progress. They’ve been dating 10yrs now and fight about the same thing every so often. Also, I’d take measures to protect myself and the house. With him putting in so much $, and if he plans to live there for some time, you might have problems kicking him out in the future, if it becomes necessary. Not trying to be grim, just telling you what I’ve seen of others’ relationships.