What do you think is the best age to have kids, given a choice?

posted 1 year ago in Waiting to TTC
Post # 31
Member
915 posts
Busy bee

I think anywhere between 25 and 40, depending on your life circumstances and how many you want to have. I had mine at 34 and 38. I spent my 20s getting my PhD, and was married at 31, so my timeline worked well for me. 🙂 

Post # 32
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m glad I had my 2 children in my twenties (23 & 26). I’m 45 now and both of my children are out of the house and mostly independent. They both get some help here & there, financially and, of course, I offer motherly advice. 

Because I got married young & launched into adulthood young, I felt like I had adequate time to be an adult prior to parenthood. And I am super happy that I did.

As life has turned out, a car accident at the age of 33 left me with a broken back, which still infringes on my quality of life. I don’t know that I would have had children, if I hadn’t had them already. My kids were young when I got hurt, but most of the bending & lifting years were already past, thank goodness.

My husband and I are planning on being mostly retired by 55. And we travel often, now. It’s fun to contemplate the future, knowing that we’ve got so many opportunities and very few obligations ahead in our future. It’s incredibly freeing. 

When I encounter friends who are my age who have little kids, I am so thankful that I already went through that- when I had more energy. 

Sometimes, I think that early 30s would be the general “perfect time”, but I also know that if I had waited, because of injury & illness, I may have missed out on motherhood. 

Post # 33
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee

If you had asked me when I was in my teens I would have said I wanted my first kid by 25 and my last kid by 30. As I got older I realized how young 25 was and those ages started shifting up.

Then at the start of grad school I had a huge revelation. I could have kids never. Didn’t even cross my mind before. Best age for me is never because I get to travel and do whatever I want in my 20’s, in retirement, and every year in between. And once I establish my career I can use all that extra money on myself instead of working hard for someone else’s benefit.

Might sound selfish, but the balancing act of “when should I plan to have fun in my life” made it pretty obvious to me that the idea of kids was something I would just be planning to get over with. And no kid deserves to be so grudgingly created.

Post # 34
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

View original reply
@danijay:  I don’t think I was emotionally ready in my 20s. I’m nearly 38 and pregnant with number 2 and I’m TIRED man! So I do think pregnancy is a younger woman’s game, lol. I reckon early 30s would have been ideal from a physical perspective. 

Having said that, I would have had kids with the wrong man in my early 30s so I wouldn’t change a thing. Despite being an older mum, I’m completely in denial about my age and still feel like a girl. 

Post # 35
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I just had my second at 30 (first at 28) and I think it’s a good age. I have been with my husband since I was 18, married just before 25. I finished my master’s degree this year (technically graduated a month after #2 arrived). 

I would have been fine starting closer to 26, and have some friends who did so it seems reasonable. But my husband wasn’t ready and then we faced some fertility complications that pushed us back a bit. I’m glad I wasn’t much older, my second pregnancy was exhausting at 30 (maybe just because I have a toddler already?). But I know plenty of people who would prefer to wait longer. Neither of my sisters seem overly close to having kids (which is a little sad), despite both having solid careers and having travelled significantly more than me, etc. 

I’m super glad that I am done, and that at only 30 my whole family is here. Plus every day is one day further from having a newborn anymore 👌

Post # 36
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I was a pregnant teen had her at 16. Now I’m almost 29 hubby will be 30 and she’s an only child. My husband is not her biological father but has been there since she was 2. We have been together for 10 years now but we are not ready to welcome a child into the world just yet. If I had not had my daughter accidentally as a teen I don’t think we would have children right now. Since then I have watched plenty of my family and friends have children and it doesn’t  interest me in the slightest to go through it again just yet.and my husband does his best to not get me pregnant lol. I agree with many posters here 30 is a sound and good age. A lot of people tell me, but she can help you w the baby. It makes me cringe a bit because I don’t want her to resent me for making her responsible. “Oh she won’t feel that way” they say. I think to be “done” by 35-37 is cool. Lol Once you have them it’s up to you to go through a slow process of molding them into beautiful people of the world. Guiding them w the tools your parents  or someone gave you. it’s many times of self doubt and guilt as a parent but it’s also amazing and heart tugging to watch them grow and be good people. Like hey, ” I taught you that”  and watch them be individuals “where the hell did you hear that lol” 

travel wise we started w road trips w her as a baby. 3 hour to visit family members and she didn’t like the car seat :/

when she turned 7 we went on her first flight and we didn’t stop flying. Last year we took her and my parents to Italy and it was our longest flight yet. 12 hrs from California. We like to take my parents w us (beside we get along well) because they provide support and entertainment where I gues siblings and such would go. Plus they get tired early and want to call it a night early and thier first and only female grand daughter  follows happily. Byyeeeeeee. We carry out the night on mini vacation dates.

 

 

Post # 37
Member
559 posts
Busy bee

i’m 34 and expecting my first any day now.  i feel like now is a great time in my life to be pregnant.  when i was in my twenties i really enjoyed traveling and going out with friends, and i would have resented being home with a baby all the time.  now i feel like baby or not, i spend most of my weekends home with my husband either way, so i don’t feel like i’m sacrificing anything or missing out on anything when i will be staying home with baby. we are also in a good place financially/career wise that we weren’t in our twenties, as my husband and i both have graduate degrees and therefore started our careers later than some.  

Post # 38
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1999 - Tacoma, WA

If I were to plan the ideal timeline: graduate college, start career, married at 25, buy a home, kids starting at 26.

As it actually happened: married at 19, first baby at 19, second baby at barely 21, bought house at 21, started career at 34. Would NOT recommend, but thankfully it worked out wonderfully. 

 

Post # 39
Member
254 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@danijay:  I had a surprise pregnancy at 22, my little boy was born when I was 23. 

I was already married but we planned on waiting a few years. I was actually set to get a IUD when I found out I was pregnant. 

Given I choice, I probably would have wanted to have our first after about 5/6 years of marriage, which would be when I’m 27/28. 

My mom got married late and had my brother and I at 37 and 42 years old respectively. She passed away when I was 6 and as unfortunate it is that she passed away while still fairly young, I still sometimes wish she had had children younger so that they would have had more time with her (I know these hypothetical kids wouldn’t have been my brother and myself). 

Post # 40
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee

I just had my first at 27 (got married at 24 and my husband is a year older). If it had been up to me, I would’ve had my son about a year earlier but it took us awhile to conceive. I have 2 master’s degrees and my husband and I are a year away from finishing our PhDs. I actually didn’t have to take a sabbatical or any mat leave (yay for summer babies!). We’re homeowners and have 2 dogs and it felt like the right time for us.

Our lifestyle is such that I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything by being a parent. I am loving being a mom and it’s the most fulfilling role I’ve ever had other than being my husband’s wife. I would like to have my second (and last) child when I’m 29 or 30. 

 

Post # 41
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2002

I think before someone has children they should be settled in a career, have a home a loving relationship and just be stable both mentally and financially. The age that happens is different for everyone. Now, if you are just speaking about physical reasons my personal opinion is that I didn’t want children past the age of 35. I have a heart condition that gets worse with pregnancy, which is why I didn’t want to push the age too far. I had my first two children in my 20’s. However, I had my 3rd when I was 37. There is no right or wrong answer for this one, it is different for everyone. Just listen to what your heart is saying is right for you.

Post # 42
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

Knowing that women are supposed to be at peak fertility at 19, I think my ideal age would have been 22-25. I’m not 28, and not planning on having a kid for at least a couple years. I don’t think I would have ever been ready emotionally or financially at 22, but I would have preferred to be a “young mom”. I also think about the effects taking maternity leave would have on my career, and though it might not have a significant negative impact, it would have been nice to just have the child earlier than later. 

My husband and I travelled quite a bit when we were younger, so I don’t think we would have felt like we were missing out on that. One thing I thought a lot about was finances, and as a healthcare provider, my husband would make more than enough to cover everything cost related with children. But as both of his parents were doctors as well, I realized over time that the money doesn’t matter as much as time, attention, and care do. He was raised by nannies, and never grew close to his parents, which is something I don’t want to happen for us. 

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