(Closed) What do you think of housewives?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 46
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t really like to judge others for their choices if they are happy and not hurting anyone! Do what you wanna do and dont let others stop you

Post # 48
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008 - Toronto, ON

I was working for the past 8 years and then my mom got sick, she was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer and I took a temporary leave of absence to be with her/take care of her and then after she passed away, I still wasn’t able to go back to work, I was physically and emotionally exhausted and decided to resign! Fortunately my Darling Husband works hard and is the primary breadwinner now and my dad is into property management so I do the book-keeping for my dad but it’s not a full-time job! I do miss waking up every morning and dressing up for work and socializing with people but I also like now that I am on my own schedule and I can now focus on ME! I do not regret resigning, plus we are thinking about starting a family soon, so that will keep me busy!

Post # 49
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I didn’t read through all the responses, but here’s my take:

My worry is that your Fiance said he wants you to be a housewife…and then brought up the writing? In other words, it’s interesting that he said “housewife” and NOT “I want you to be a writer.” That doesn’t sound right to me because it sounds like he’s more focused on defining you in relation to him, rather than encouraging your own self-definition.

I AM a writer. And I work every day for 6-8 hours, six days a week (I generally take Sunday off), writing and doing the sundry things to sell my writing. In our family, I don’t consider myself a Stay-At-Home Mom or housewife and my husband doesn’t either. I make it very clear that my writing is my WORK and just because I happen to do it from home does not mean that it’s not work or that my time is worth less than my husband’s. We are very clear on the fact that I don’t do the housework and we pay for childcare. I do take on most of the childcare “troubleshooting”–ie, I will be the one to pick up our child if he’s sick or do the doctor’s appointments, but even that is more like I do it 70% of the time–my husband still kicks in on that the other 30%. I even have a separate phone line to my office and I don’t answer the home phone OR the front door when I’m working. For me, it is a bona fide job, and it’s important that both of us understand that.

So I would be clear with your Fiance and yourself about what you want. Being a full-time writer is NOT being a housewife who likes to write as a hobby. You and Fiance need to be on the same page about what you want and what he wants. If he’s envisioning a scenario in which you do the cooking and the cleaning and the house management while you write in your spare time, and you think that’s great, then fine. But you had better set him straight if that’s not your thing and you really do want to spend most of your hours working on your craft. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you can be a fulltime homemaker and successful author without figuring out exactly what that means in terms of how you spend your time. Even if you only want 2 hours out of the day, you make sure that your Fiance understands those 2 hours are yours and they are not up for bargaining or trading–they’re. just. yours.

Sorry to sound so carried away, but I feel that most writers and artists have to be overprotective of their time because others tend to devalue it.

Post # 50
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If you have the flexibility in income that you have the opportunity to stay home, why not!? If you would be financially straining yourself and your future husband by insisting on staying home, then there would be a problem, but if you are both in agreement, and can afford it, I see no problem.

Also, you said that you would still have your own business. Therefore, personally I wouldn’t call you ‘a housewife’ because you are a successful entrepreneur and you plan to pursue writing.  I agree with a previous poster. Just tell people you want to pursue writing. 

Post # 51
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Absolutely not selling yourself short!  I have fibro as well. That’s reason enough to stay home and that’s so incredibly caring of your husband to be thinking of your health like that. So many people don’t “get” what it means to be chronically ill. Quite frankly, if that’s what you and your husband wasn’t and can make it work financially, why is it anyone’s business what you do with your time?  

Post # 52
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle

Wish i was in your situation!. your family arnt you. do what makes you happy.

Post # 54
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I didn’t read through all the responses but coming from someone who also has fibro- I would give my right arm for that opportunity.  There are days that there’s very little left of me to have a life outside of work.  My guess is your Fiance sees that the extra income insn’t worth you not living your life.  Enjoy every second of it…other people will never quite get it

Post # 55
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Personally, I just do.not.get. the desire to be a housewife. I enjoy cooking and gardening and all that stuff as much as the next person, but staying home indefinitely, with no children to raise and no job to do? I would go completely crazy, and yes, I personally would feel like I was selling myself short. I don’t think I would ever feel fulfilled or satisfied in life if my responsibilities consisted 100% of doing chores for a man who was already perfectly capable of working full-time AND doing those chores before I ever came into his life. I need to feel more useful than that. 

With that said, OP, your mileage clearly will vary. You’ve got a health condition to consider, and you need to determine whether the extra income you bring in and the satisfaction you derive from doing your job are important enough to you to outweigh the difficulties posed by working with fibro. If not, then I don’t think it counts as selling yourself short, especially if you have career aspirations of being a writer and additional income from your business. It’s a personal decision, that’s all.

Post # 56
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

BelleEtoile:  Ignore everyone! If I could afford to stay home and write I would. Fiance is a writer and his career has taken a very positive turn. If we were at a point where I could stay home and work on my writing full time, I absolutely would. Non-creative types tend to not understand these things. I have heard comments like, “maybe I’ll write a book when I retire” like it is nothing. Imagine walking up tp someone and saying, “maybe I’ll take up nursing/teaching when I retire”. There are a lot of ways in which people in careers that are less creative, can be condescending to creative types. They don’t understand how much happier you will be doing what you love and what a great opportunity this is. Best of luck!! I’m jealous but hoping I will be able to do the same in the not too distant future 🙂

Post # 57
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

BelleEtoile:  not at all! You are not selling yourself short. You’re generating an income and it would suit your health and happiness to be at home so I think you should do it.

Post # 58
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

BelleEtoile:  Well if you are writing, you are a writer, not a housewife.

Post # 59
Member
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

First off, congratulations on being a successful businesswoman at a young age! It’s absolutely considerate of your husband to put this idea on the table for you. If your financial situation worsens as a result then don’t do it. It sounds to me like he will be able to financially support both of you, and that’s a great thing. For your health, I absolutely recommend doing it. I am envious of women (or men) whose partner’s income allows them to stay home. I would love the opportunity but right now it’s not on the cards for us. Also, does it really matter if you’re not going to be having children? Staying at home with no children doesn’t make you lazy. You’re both career-focused by the sounds of it, and that’s a good thing too. Don’t let the negativity stop you from what you really want to do, or what would be beneficial for your health.

All the best for you and your husband, whatever decision you make. 🙂

Post # 60
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

BelleEtoile:  I think they are lucky to be able to stay home with the kids. I can only imagine how hard it is with infants and toddlers but I think its great especially when kids  go off to school that mombis there to pick them up, drop off lunch, help with hoMe work. I think I could have it down to a science if I had the option of staying home With my twins.  Who knows maybe someday. Anyways I don’t at all think SAHMs have it easy or have the “luxury” to stay home. there are pros to both sides. But I also don’. Think it’s for everyone.  Some people can’t spend 24 hours a day focusing on family and household matters…there is something to be said for those hours away at work, especially if you work in a field you find interesting and part of you. 

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