(Closed) What do you think of Opposite Sex Friendships?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you and your partner maintain close friendships with members of the opposite (or attracting) sex
    Yes. We can be friends with whoever we like : (84 votes)
    68 %
    Yes, but one or the other feels jealousy : (10 votes)
    8 %
    No, we see it as trouble and do not allow it : (5 votes)
    4 %
    No, we don't have the desire to be friends with anyone of the opposite sex besides eachother : (18 votes)
    15 %
    Other : (6 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Well, my fiance has told me that guys really aren’t just platonic close friends without a sexual *hoping* undertone. He said that the only real way that it may be possible is if it’s someone they have grown up with as a child, or someone they aren’t attracted to.

    But usually, an opposite sex friendship ends up turning into more for at least ONE of the parties.

    He doesn’t have female friends because he said he can’t relate to shopping, makeup, hair, girl talk, drama, etc. That’s a girl thing. He relates with men.

    He also let me know that it’s a HIGH probability that all my guy friends would have slept with me if given the chance. I agree with him on that.

     

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    1042 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Interesting question, SO and I started dating in high school (you know that place where most guys are jerks and lots of girls are petty/catty). So, during that time we didn’t have any opposite sex friends really. I think this has caused us, in general, to not really have any close frinds of the opposite sex; just out of habit. 

    That being said we are friends with eachothers opposite sex friends, and have fun with them, but would not hang out with them alone typically. 

    I would have no problem with my SO having an opposite sex friend, but neither of us really has a desire to. Generally, I feel I can be myself more around women and vice versa for him.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2702 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Yep. I have guy friends and he has girl friends. I have close guy friends and he had close girl friends. I think it’s possible. It doesn’t bother me that he has female friends and he loves my guy friends.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I think we are the same person!  All is good in my world. It would be silly for us to ” forbid” the other opposite gender friends. I am In a male dominated field ( and generally not a fan of women) and they see me as either one of the boys or “little sister”  . Fiance goes to a school were 89 precent ( literally that’s the actual statistic breakdown) of the schools population isfemale.

    We know who the other is comming home to so all is good.

    The olny time I might have an issue is if  I really don’t like them. And I like everyone untill you give me a reason not too

    Post # 7
    Hostess
    18644 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I have a group of friends at work and most of them are men.  We like doing the same things and usually go to the movies as a group every so often.  I don’t hang out alone with one guy though.

    Post # 8
    Member
    9650 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @MIBEETOWED:  Agreed. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    4416 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We have MUTUAL friends of both genders, and opposite sex coworker friendships (we hang out while on business trips when there’s no one else to hang out with), but if my Fi had a female friend that was just his friend or I had a male friend that was just mine, well, that might be weird. Only because they don’t currently exist, so it would be a NEW friendship, in which case why the hell aren’t they a mutual friend???

    So it’s not that it’s not allowed; just that it isn’t the status quo for us and I think we like it just fine this way! Any male friends I had before Fi have mysteriously disappeared.

    And by “mysteriously”, I mean I think @MIBEETOWED: is right!!!

    Post # 10
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    We can both be friends with whoever we like and no one feels jealous.  We both have many friends of the opposite sex.  Someone who was worried about me having a friend simply because said friend had a penis would be a definite turn-off to me.

    @MIBEETOWED: I totally disagree with your thoughts here.  I don’t have any desire to have sex with my guy friends and considering multiple of them are married, I’m pretty sure they have no desire to have sex with me either.  Plenty of girls love things that guys can relate to.  I can’t even count the number of sport discussions (primarily football and baseball) I’ve had with guy friends, for instance. I don’t talk to ANYONE (guy or girl) about shopping, hair, make-up, etc.

    Post # 11
    Member
    9650 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I also think this depends on your definition of the word “friend.”  What some people call “friends” I call “acquaintances” or “co-workers.”  Not the same thing to me.  A “friend,” to me, is very close and special and we share plenty of one-on-one time together.  What some consider or define as a friendship, I’d never consider to be a real or close friendship.  I’m very picky and exclusive about having friends. 

    And the only male person I want close to me, in a one-on-one relationship (besides my son) is my Fiance. 

    Yes, I have male acquaintances.  I couldn’t care less if they think of me as a friend or not.  In my eyes they’re just acquaintances or co-workers and nothing more. 

    I think these threads always have this “definition of friendship” confusion, every single time they happen.

    So, it depends on how you define friendship.  If you just mean the guys you work with (I also work in a very male-dominated sports-athletic-related field) then I guess I DO have male friends.  But to me they’re just the guys at work, nothing special.

    To me a friend is someone who knows me, up close and personal, and there are only a very few people in this world I allow (by my own choice) that close. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1475 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @PamelaBrit

    Very interesting question.

    I do believe that men and women can be “just friends” strictly platonic because I have that.  I only have two really good male friends.

    Now whether or not I think maintaining platonic opposite gender friendships AFTER marriage is appropriate is a whole other question.  And I also think it depends on the depth of the friendship (friends you see once in while, friends hanging out one on one friends, regulary phone conversations, etc.)

    Firstly, I would do whatever would make my SO/FH/DH most comfortable (as I feel right now), no male friend is worth jeopordizing our relationship/marriage.

    But, I think it depends on the couple.  In my opinion, any opposition of opposite gender friends stems from insecurity and perhaps trust reasons and probably with good reason!  However, final answer is platonic opposite gender friendships are definitely possible and can possibly be maintained after marriage IF it does not cause issues with your partner. I can imagine It would be difficult if one person really wanted to maintain certain friendships and were not “allowed” to simply because of gender.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2143 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I prefer hanging out/talking to/making friends with guys, more of my friends are male. I hang out with them alone, go out to dinner together, ect. and I’m sharing an appartment with my male best friend (plus 3 other people) next year. Fiance has several close female friends also who he spends a lot of time with, and we have mutual friends of both genders. Neither of us cares in the slightest who we hang out with, because we trust each other and aren’t controlling of each others lives. If we didn’t have that trust, I don’t think we would have a strong enough relationship to be getting married. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1475 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @Sunfire Exactly!

    Thanks for defining “friends”, thats kind of what I eluded to with my “depth of friendship” statement in my response.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1513 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Mrs.KMM:  this exactly!!

    if my Fiance ever tried to forbid me from being friends with someone for having a penis (or for any reason actually) i would have to seriously reconsider our future. and i am certainly not interested in telling a 30-year-old man who he can and can’t interact with… even if one of his female friends did have a thing for him, that would be her problem, not ours. i trust my Fiance 100% all the time no matter what. why would you marry someone you trusted any less than that?

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