(Closed) What do you think of Opposite Sex Friendships?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you and your partner maintain close friendships with members of the opposite (or attracting) sex

    Yes. We can be friends with whoever we like

    Yes, but one or the other feels jealousy

    No, we see it as trouble and do not allow it

    No, we don't have the desire to be friends with anyone of the opposite sex besides eachother

    Other

  • Post # 17
    Member
    13943 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    One of FI’s best friends ever is a girl, and it doesn’t phase me in the slightest.  He’s known her since middle school…if he wanted to get with her, he’d had his chance.  Plus, she’s awesome. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    2721 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I don’t really care who DH is friends with but neither of us hang out with our friends of the opposite sex like we use to. Granted, many of them are married now. I also have no desire to spend time with anyone but my ladies and DH.

    Post # 19
    Member
    4413 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think there also needs to be some differentiation between single friends and couple friends. Fi and I are close friends with several couples, and on various occasions Fi has ended up alone with the girl or I’ve ended up alone with the guy. But I would never say “he is my friend”; I would say “they are our friends.”  I think me ending up hanging out with the other half of a couple we’re very close with is completely different than me hanging out with a single guy I (but not my Fi) am close with. Does that make any sense? I haven’t been able to vote because none of the options seems right for me!

    Post # 20
    Member
    668 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I see nothing wrong with it. I like you (only child, grew up close to male cousins click better with men) have several very close male friends. It bugged DH at first when he was first meeting every one and getting to know them because I tell my guy friends, just like my close girl friends I love them and hug them good bye just like my girl friends. But these guys have been my friends for 13+ years and once he got to know them, and met their spouses and saw me interact with them his fears and doubts were gone.  Now we fight over who gets time with them and who they are going to come over and hang out with (jokingly of course) because we have all become very close friends.

    Some people cant be friends with the oppitise sex with out having some kind of attraction to them, and I could see that being an issue for a lot of people. But if you are in a commited realtionship you need to be able to and trust your partner, and their friends.

    Post # 21
    Member
    9940 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Ok – I also have to say this.  On the Bee we’re all at very different stages of our lives, although we have a lot in common as well. 

    When I was as young as MaybelleBliss, for example, I would have said the exact same thing she just did.  I’ve had a gazillion male “friends” in my life.  I understand the male gender quite well.  I adore men – always have and always will.  I’m also more cautious with them now. 

    As we grow older (and become crones like me, lol) we begin to learn that things change.  Depth of emotions change.  What you define as love and trust will change and grow.  And we learn more about boundaries and relationships as we grow, as well. 

    There really is no right or wrong answer.  What works for each person and each couple is different.  The most fascinating thing about the Bee is hearing everyone’s varied ideas and opinions.  I love it!!

    Post # 22
    Member
    3318 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    One of my very best friends is a guy and it’s always been JUST that on both ends. I also had a group of bar buds I’d hang out with on Tuesdays and SO had no issue with them at all. He doesn’t have any female friends that are close, mainly because he finds them all dramatic and bitchy. I’m an exception apparently.

    Post # 24
    Member
    9940 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @PamelaBrit:  I think since your Fiance is fine with what you’re doing and he also has opposite sex friends that you have no problem with, then it works for you and is ok. 

    I’m never one to judge anyone else.  My Fiance and I just happen not to have single opposite sex friends.  We’ve never “forbidden” each other anything because that would be highly disrespectful.  We don’t control each other and we’re best friends.  We trust each other with our entire hearts, souls and lives.  We know we’ll love each other to the death.

    Honestly, we enjoy spending our time together so much we rarely even want to hang out with anyone else.  When we do, it’s either him with his male golf buddies or me with my girlfriend shopping buddies (out for drinks, chick flicks, whatever).  Any other time we’re with our sons or couple friends, or family members. 

    But mostly we like being alone together, more than anything else.  We can’t get enough of that, anyway; we don’t even have time for anyone else, lol.

    Post # 26
    Member
    5667 posts
    Bee Keeper

    We’re both friends with whomever we choose, regardless of gender. I would never ban him from being friends with someone and he wouldn’t do that to me. I have mainly guy friends from years of internet gaming and working in a male dominated industry. He has girl friends who date back 10+ from when he was a professional ballet dancer.  We also have mutual friends of both genders.

    Post # 27
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @Mrs.KMM:  THIS. 100%. 

     

    View original reply
    @bostongirl27:  Also this!

    I am a grown ass woman and he is a grown ass man. Neither of us is going to tell the other who they can or can’t hang out with. 

    I am CLOSE friends with quite a few men and I even go on vacation with them without SO. Our last big trip together was to Vegas and a mutual friend made a comment about thinking it was weird. He told us he would be upset if his Fiance ran off to Vegas with straight men in the group. My SO’s response? He laughed in his face. His exact words were, “Who the **** cares? Shes having some bonding time with her friends and I’m glad she has such good friends she can spend time with. For me to feel otherwise would be be disrespectful to her as the woman that I love and trust. I don’t really care whos going on the trip. What I care about is whether or not I trust HER. And I do.”

    Post # 28
    Member
    402 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2020

    You can be friends with anyone of any gender any age as long as you didn’t sleep with them. Then it’s either:

    A: “friends” but live far away and/or seldom see each other.

    B: “friends” by association only. Like if a cousin or friend is still friends with a person they slept with.

    I personally prefer no association or contact with people who’ve slept with but no longer sleep with, period. My Fiance is on the same page. I’m happy for that! 😀

    Post # 29
    Member
    9940 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @DeadlyNightshade:  It’s so cool he trusts you that much, it sounds like you have a healthy relationship.  What was he doing while you were on vacation with your male friends?

    Post # 30
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @Sunfire:  We do and I didn’t think it was possible for me to fall in love with him anymore, but in that moment I did. 

    He helped his dad move into and fix up his new home, decided to be even more spectacular by taking my dog to the vet, the groomers, the dog park and a play date. He also cleaned my mess of a room and did all of my laundry. And somehow managed to squeeze work in there lol. He’s ridiculous. And amazing.

    Im just very glad that we see eye to eye on things. I think that’s what’s important, talking things out and doing what works for you as a couple. 

    Post # 31
    Member
    9940 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @DeadlyNightshade:  Wow, he sounds amazing and very sweet.  😉  I agree with you that it’s really what works for each couple that is most important.  If both people are happy with how things work that’s the only thing that matters.  There really isn’t just a one-size-fits-all rule that works for every couple.  (I also love that he stood up for your honor, so romantic!)

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