(Closed) What do you think of parentless couples by choice??

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 62
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I read through the message board that the OP linked to. Here is a sample of what is on there:

<<Finally, having children teaches you, once and for all, that it’s not all about you all the time. Sure, I know that couples without children believe that on an intellectual level, but I’ve yet to see one who understood it on an emotional level. And pets just aren’t substitute children, either.>>

Talk about lack of respect and understanding! There are parents who don’t give their kids the time of day because they are too busy being selfish. You can’t just lump everyone into two groups!

Post # 64
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow! The whole bit about skanky 15 y.o. is just ridiculous. I don’t think “mature adults” refer to children as skanks and then assume their parents are to blame. And everytime you post you contradict yourself. You say you don’t want praise, but are frankly annoyed that childless people aren’t constantly saying “I’m in awe of you and your family and am so so grateful that you are raising a child. You are so wonderful, selfless and awesome”.

Post # 65
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hmmm.  This has been a very interesting read here.  Most of what I feel has already been expressed by PPs, but I feel like I still want to say that I don’t think saying “I don’t want children” is synonymous with any of the following:  “I am selfish.”  “I am too irresponsible.”  “I don’t like kids.”  “I would be a bad parent.”  “You are stupid for having children.”  “My ‘childless’ life is better than your life with your children.”  “I don’t truly understand love, compassion, trust, joy, etc. on an intellectual or emotional level.” 

@rachaelrobin:  lol Yes, and I see what you mean!

Post # 66
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

My husband and I have been married for many years.  So far, we have not been blessed with a child.  People do seem to judge us.  Parents often assume that we don’t want children, and they are jealous of us.   They think we have more freedom than they do.

If you have been blessed with a child, love that child and give it the best that you have.  Don’t spend your time being jealous of people who don’t have children.  Don’t think about what your life would have been like if that child hadn’t interrupted it.  It’s your life and your child.  Enjoy the blessings of being you and of being a parent.   Help the child to grow into a loving person — not a person who is riddled with jealousy and judgment.

While couples without children do not encounter exactly the same challenges as parents, life is not easy for anyone.  Don’t assume that you know what life is like for someone who doesn’t have children.  Don’t assume that you know what they’re experiencing along the journey.   Use the joy that you derive from being a parent to brighten the path for everyone.

Post # 67
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t understand the question, because as someone else posted, you may as well be asking “what do you think of lefthanded people” or tall people or anything else of that nature. In the case of choosing to not have children, it’s their choice and should be respected whether you agree with their logic or not. Some people love kids, some can’t stand them, and others don’t like kids but they have them anyway. No one has the right to judge anyone but themselves. Worry about you and let them worry about themselves.

Post # 68
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think maybe the original post should have been posted on that other website?

For myself, my FH and I plan on having children years down the road, but I can totally understand and respect why some couples choose not to have any children.

Post # 70
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I do agree that it is a personal choice on wether or not to have children. I am somebody who really wants to be a Mom someday, I can’t imagine living my life without kids. I understand that people chose not to have children for different reasons. It was interesting to read the posts. I grew up with an Aunt and Uncle who did not have kids and they were selfish people in many ways and I do think that a lot of childless couples are selfish according to the definition but there is no judgement from me in using that word.

If at the end of your life you are happy with what you’ve accomplished and with the choices you’ve made that’s all that matters.

Post # 71
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ummm, what? I… don’t even know where to begin. This is by far one of the strangest posts I’ve seen pop up in a long time. There are so many aspects to this judgy, rambling, preach-fest that I want to address, but it’s been made clear through PP’s attempts to do so that it would be pointless for me to try as well. Obviously the vast majority of us agree that the decision to start a family (with children) is a very personal choice that should not be looked down upon by outsiders, no matter what the couple decides.

 

This human bean is moving on. lol.

Post # 73
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m confused about the phrase “parentless” couples. Isn’t “childless” more appropriate? 

Post # 74
Member
40 posts
Newbee

I have told people I dont ever want kids and they say that I will change my mind because I havent met the right guy or that Im an evil and selfish person for not wanting kids. I like kids I just want feel that kids use up a lot of money and time. I cant imagine how expensive things are going to be in the future especially college. I have always wanted to do a lot of travelling and helping out others, so I dont want kids. I have also read various articles that said couples with kids are happier and live longer. 

Post # 75
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Hmmm…a sensitive topic and I see how this thread might spiral out of hands very quickly.

To understand the OP, I went to her profile and read almost all of her original posts and some responses. I want to get a feel for who she is, where she’s coming from, how different is the OP from me, etc. Here’s my opinion, which may/may not be correct but here goes nothing:

I’m in my 30’s whereas the OP has just turned 21. I’m a newlywed, the OP is a newlywed. I’m done with grad school, have worked for over 10 years(!), the OP is still young (in age) and is currently in school. I have no children, the OP has her first child at 19 and expecting a second child. Obviously, the OP and I have vastly different life experience. My self-identity is based on my 30+ years as a single person, and I’ve spent those years learning who I am, which led to me knowing that I do not want to be a mother. The OP has chosen to be a teenage mom, which is a courageous thing to do in my books, and her personal decision which is no one else’s business.

Being a mother will change anyone, at any age, but especially an 18 year old who hasn’t had much time on this earth to experience other things. (Note: I’m not judging unmarried teenage mothers, I’m merely pointing out the lack of years of life experience compared to the old-me). I am a wife, a CFO, an artist, a mentor, plus many more, and all the roles contribute equally to my identity. The OP is a wife, a mother, a student (and many other things I’m sure), but not one role will ever compare to that of her role as a mother, and therefore, her self-identity. From some of her posts, I conclude that the OP feels judged for being married young, having children young, and is juggling school, children, finances, etc – that must be difficult at 21. So, the OP read that article she mentioned and took offense, without realizing that a lot of the unconscious biases are rooted in her own personal life. She put in efforts to solidify her thoughts but as so many PP pointed out, the arguments didn’t make such sense.

So yes, I find the title a bit off-putting. I too, didn’t get the “respect the next generation” bit, I agree with most of the PP’s comments. But I see where the OP’s coming from. I have 10+ years of life ahead of her, I ought to know better. So I’m choosing not to take offense to her original post and subsequent comments.  

Much love to all the PP’s for your mature comments, for having the guts to express your honest opinions with class. I love WB because of all of you! 🙂

Post # 76
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m not going to get into the childless couple/couple with children argument.  All I want to say is, if you want to have children, if you have children, please review your finances.  Everyone I speak to seems to think, “You just make it work” when you have a kid.  One friend even said, “All I do is give up my pedicures and coffee and we can afford him!”  Meh.

I guess I’m coming from a family who put me through college and has supported me in my life.  They are paying for my wedding.  Someday, if I have a daughter, I want to do the same for her.  I also want to retire.  It’s not going to be easy for anyone in the generation of us that are 40 and under.  Please make sure you put your needs first – your financial needs.  Make sure you can afford your necessities and that you can afford a child’s necessities, as well as planning for all of your futures.

Random statement, complete.  😀

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