Post # 1
Okay, so I have a situation that I need disinterested people to weigh in on. My fiance and I need to find a new apt. for 8/1. His parents own a farm house and are looking to evict their current tenant, whose apparently always behind in rent and hasn’t paid for the last few months. They asked us if we would like to rent it. This house is right behind his parents and grandparents houses (a new development started by his parents). It is going to be a 35 minute commute for me and longer for my fiance until he finds a new job.
I think this is a bad idea. I don’t want to live so far from school. I don’t have a new job yet, but the options in my hometown of 3000 aren’t exactly appealing/wide so I will probably have to commute for that as well. My fiance has to commute quite a distance and I’m scared he won’t get a job offer for some time that would offer a shorter drive. This is a heck of a drive during winter too. Not to mention the fact that I think living RIGHT next door to his parents AND grandparents is going to be an issue with boundaries. (oh and his sister and hub are building in the area too). I really like his parents, but I’m not going over there everyday. Also the house needs work and I’m not going to be cool with renos because I know what sort of work schedule it will be (um 7 am on Sat & Sun). And I love the city we live in now and want to stay here (the thought of going back to my hometown makes me feel suffocated). This is one of those everyone knows everyone, nothing is open past 9, and there are less than a dozen places to eat/things to do. But my fiance hates the city we live in now and really wants to live there.
What do you think? (oh and I tried to rationally go by costs and the expense really isn’t an issue because the decrease in rent will equalize out with driving cost and added utilities.)
Post # 3
Oh and I’m concerned that they might have trouble getting their current tenant out, which would mean we would have to live with them if it took longer than this timeline.
Post # 4
Coming from someone who commutes 40 minutes to work everyday I’m going to tell you that the commute will put a huge stress on your relationship. Even if it was a mansion, I wouldn’t recommend living so far away! Also, the boundary issues are something to be concerned about but more concerning is the old addage: “Never put money between friends and family.” Meaning: Don’t rent from his parents. It’s not a good idea, in my opinion and coming from personal experience. It just isn’t worth the strain you’d put on your relationship with his parents. (What if you’re late on rent? What if something breaks, like the water heater, and they take a week to fix it? The what ifs go on forever…) I never advocate renting from anyone’s family…bad juju. If your Fiance doesn’t like the city, fine, but I would NOT rent from his parents. You’ll just need to find somewhere else, or else stay in the city.
Post # 5
It sounds to me like you’ve already made up your mind. Living in the rented house in your hometown is going to make you miserable, so why do it? The only problem I see here is that your Fiance wants to leave the city. Could you compromise and live just outside of the city? As a last resort, you could also rent the house until something else becomes available if his parents are alright with that (will you have to sign a lease, etc?).
If I were in your situation, moving to that house would be my absolute last choice. I can tell by your post that you really don’t want to do it.
Post # 6
If there is one thing that I’ve learned, it’s that sometimes a little space is an amazing thing with family. I know you guys wouldn’t do this, but Future Sister-In-Law & Future Brother-In-Law “rent” from the Future In-Laws (they are supposed to pay rent, but only pay utilities because they are right out of college and didn’t get more than a little over minimum wage jobs.) and it has really come in between them at times. Basically, there’s normally a business relationship with your landlord, but it gets weird when it’s family. I feel like something always gets awkward, whether it’s the tenants or the landlord. Even though we’re the opposite of Future Brother-In-Law & Future Sister-In-Law I still wouldn’t want to live there just because I feel like Future Mother-In-Law always want to help people out and give gifts, and makes it hard to say no. I have too much pride for that!
Post # 7
I would rather cut off my own ear than live near my in-laws.
Then again… you don’t really mention your relationship with them. If it was my mom, hubby and I would consider it because of the kind of person she is. But FI’s mom is so self-serving it would be more of a “we don’t want another sketchy tenant so let’s use you guys so I can be in your business and know we’ll get rent on time.”
If you are happy in your city, then live it up there!!! Maybe use this as a last-ditch resort in case you can’t find a place in August.
Post # 8
I would never get entangled in any sort of financial relationship (landlord-tenant in this case) with a family member. There’s too much risk that it would bring bad feelings into an important relationship. Plus, it’s not just that you would be living near them. The fact that they own the house would make them even more apt to just pop by whenever.
So yeah, find a different place- any place- but don’t live there if you can avoid it. But don’t tell your inlaws why, just make it about the commute and nothing else.
Post # 9
I didn’t see any benefit to moving in with them. Now, if you had kids and it came with free child care maybe 🙂
Otherwise, it won’t be cheaper (when accounting for commuting) and it will definitely be far away from your jobs. I’m not seeing any upside.
Post # 10
Ok first of all this is EXACTLY the way I am living currently. haha BF’s parents own the home his Grandmother used to live in. It is about a mile down the road from his parents and it is an older home. His uncle lives directly across the road, there are 2 cousins with farms within a half a mile and also many other relatives in the immediate area. I commute 30 mins a day and Boyfriend or Best Friend commutes 50 min. I do not enjoy it but for the amount of rent we pay right now it does not make sense to move. In terms of paying his parents they are pretty good about it but that is a situation you would need to personally gauge. If you get along with them well and discuss how much rent would be and at wheat time they would expect it, it can work. It’s not ideal but it could possibly save you some money. I would say the biggest issue is the personal boundries. This house was the communal home before we moved in. Everyone was welcome and now many times they forget that grandma doesn’t live here anymore. Of all the people who have been the most trouble it would have to be his father. He walks around our yard and checks up on us when we have people over and gets very upset if things are not in the order he see’s fit. It is definately something you and your Fiance should talk about very seriously. For now it is what works for us be we are hoping to be moving sooner rather than later.
Post # 11
i live next door to my parents, and also they are my landlord. It works well for us, but our main reaosn for moving in was because it seems everytime the news goes on about the rental crisis in Australia the landlords jack up the rent another 20 bucks. Seriously in our old place our rent went up $20 every 3 months over a 12 month period.
So we moved into my parents rental, we still go through an agent and signed a lease. There havent been any problems at all. We even had the hot water system die and they had it replaced immediatley.
We also make a point of not living in each others pockets, and give each other plenty of space. So we are really happy.
As for commuting, my partner commutes an hour each way for his work. He gets home by 5pm everynight. I work two parttime jobs. One is 2 minutes up the road, and the other is a 2 hour drive each way to Sydney. 2.5 in peack hour. But I love that job so much and wish it was fulltime!!!
And our commute is in opposite directions. I go South, he goes North.
In the words of Tim Gunn “Make it work”. If its something you want you will make it work and be happy. If you don’t really want it, then you will be miserable and it wont work.
Post # 12
I’m sort of confused. Do either of you have jobs now? Would moving to this place mean that you will have to quit those jobs? I wouldn’t move there if you aren’t sure of where you will be working and how you will afford the rent out there and additional driving.
Post # 13
Thanks for all the feedback. Yeah, I’m set in my opinion, but I feel like maybe I should try just because my fiance wants to live there so bad. His parents are good people, just not used to the idea of boundaries. And I guess I think their feelings will be hurt if we turn them down. We did have a conversation about him making sure there are boundaries, but I’m still worried they just won’t get it.And I guess the advantage he sees is being in a house versus an apartment (which at this point in our lives I really don’t care about…maybe if it was actually ours, but to me a rental is a rental. A house is just more sq. ft to keep up).
Either way, one of us is going to be disappointed…
Post # 14
Missasb: He has a job, but is currently searching for a different one. I just had my last day of work on friday and am currently looking. But I’m not going to be too picky because I just need a job that’s flexible enough around my classes.
Post # 15
I guess I’ll be an advocate for moving in…I live with my soon-to-be in-laws right now and it’s just fine. To be honest we talk fairly often and get along just fine normally. If the rent is going to be cheap enough to offset the amount in gas you’re going to be paying then sometimes the commute is worth it so that you can save up money for a downpayment on a house or whatever else you want to spend it on.
Oh and our neighbors are FI’s siblings and their families and we honestly don’t see them that often even though they live very close to us. Almost all of FI’s family lives within a few miles of us, so I wouldn’t worry too much about ALWAYS seeing them. And if nothing else, just dont’ answer the door/phone or let them know that you need some study time for your classes or so you can do laundry/clean, etc.