(Closed) What do you think of this video (men hitting on woman)

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

j_jaye:  I disagree, to an extent. I personally think that if any action is unwanted, then it can be harassment, and that includes someone stopping me on the street to say, “Hello, beautiful/You look nice/You should smile.” All of those things make me feel uncomfortable. Quite frankly, if someone approached me at a bar and I didn’t want to talk to him/her but s/he kept talking to me, I’d feel harassed as well. 

I do agree that if someone says hello to everyone walking by on the street, then perhaps it’s different. However, I think the difference lies in the fact that person hasn’t isolated me and made me feel like a lone target.

I also think that it has to do with how the person comes across. If someone were to politely make small talk after we bumped into each other, I’d personally feel awkward but I would understand why it was happening. That’s totally different from a guy openly eyeing me up and down and then coming up and saying, “How are you doing?”

Post # 17
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

Why do you assume our partners approached us first? It was definitely the opposite for me.

I don’t think anyone is saying a friendly hello is harassment, but refusing to back down/go away when a woman (or anyone) shows they are not interested certain,y can be. Some men can be very aggressive when they aren’t getting the response that they want. 

Post # 18
Member
9586 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I liked the video. My Darling Husband watched it and was astounded at how brash most of the men were. We don’t live in a huge city where I have to deal with this sort of thing normally, but I’ve definitely had it happen when on vacation. It makes me very uncomfortable. There were times I didn’t even enter a store I wanted to go to because there was a crowd of men hanging out at the entrance making comments to me.

I’m sorry but there’s nothing flattering about men oggling you and making “hey beautiful” “how you doing baby” “are you having a good day sweetheart” comments. Heck if someone said that to me at work repeatedly I’d probably report them for sexual harrassment….

Post # 19
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

j_jaye:  I’m inclined to agree on many of those points. I think the difference comes from what they do after the initial comment. Saying “hello” or “you’re really beautiful,” while it may be annoying or make you incomfortable coming from a stranger, it’s certainly not harassment if they leave it at that. When they continue trying to talk to you or follow you when you are clearly not interested in engaging with them (ignoring them, avoiding eye contact, walking faster, etc.) then that’s not ok. I would say the same for someone at a bar or in a queue. This happened to me the other day while I was with my Fiance at a gas station, the attendant (a man) just stopped and said something like “wow, I’ve never seen a redhead with green eyes, very pretty” and left it at that, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, even if it did make me a little uncomfortable (any compliment would), I took it as a compliment. Obviously there is also a difference between saying “hey beautiful” and making grotesque sexual advances or comments, “I want to smack that ass” for instance. I think we live in a world today where we don’t do a whole lot of talking to strangers at random, so when it does happen it’s a bit uncomfortable. My Fiance does this all the time, he’s just extremely friendly, he talks to random people on the street or in a store all the time. The difference lies in the delivery and being able to guage another person’s interest in talking to you.

Post # 20
Member
9586 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I just found this video posted as a parody to the vid in the OP. While he’s still getting a lot of random attention from strangers, I didn’t find any of them sexual in nature which I think is the major issue.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaBfYo-XhgU

 

Post # 21
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

This happens to me whenever I walk anywhere. Honestly, the greetings don’t bother me. Even complimenting my looks doesn’t bother me all that much unless I’m in a bad mood, or it’s done in a really vulgar way. What really makes me feel objectified is when guys honk at me or shout at me from their cars. Like what does that even achieve? It’s not like it can even lead to anything positive for the man so why does he even bother doing it?

Post # 22
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I wanted to add the video series that I mentioned in my first comment:

http://www.cardsagainstharassment.com/stories.html

 

These are several videos where the girl approaches the catcallers and asks them why they are doing what they are doing. They’re obviously caught off guard and they’re responses are ridiculous and often incredibly sexist.

Post # 23
Member
9059 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

ClaudiaKishi:  I meant the general population most of us, as in either sex not just bee’s. In just about every couple someone made the first move. 

I was also commenting mostly on the video in that it was onesided and bias since it didn’t show what the individual’s did/said to other’s walking by. There were some pretty innocuous hellos and god bless you’s (one guy even looked like a homeless person that was begging) in that video which were counted as one of 100 plus verbal harrassment incidents. And there were a few posters that said even saying hello to them was harrassment.

I clearly said that there were clear instances of harrassment in that video, no arguement there, but there were also dubious examples which makes the video questionable. It is hard enough to get the justice system in most countries to take sexual harrassment seriously without putting out a video with questionable editing/inclusions. I also wasn’t arguing that repeated attempts after being shut down wasn’t harrassment.

 

Post # 24
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

catpeaches: When I first saw the video I had some similar feelings about why almost all of the men calling out to her were people of colour, but I assumed it was something to do with the locale of the video. Then I read last night that apparently they edited out a majority of the white men that were catcalling. http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/10/29/catcalling_video_hollaback_s_look_at_street_harassment_in_nyc_edited_out.html

“At the end they claim the woman experienced 100 plus incidents of harassment ‘involving people of all backgrounds.’ Since that obviously doesn’t show up in the video, Bliss addressed it in a post. He wrote, ‘we got a fair amount of white guys, but for whatever reason, a lot of what they said was in passing, or off camera’ or was ruined by a siren or other noise. The final product, he writes, ‘is not a perfect representation of everything that happened.'”

Post # 25
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

j_jaye: “I meant the general population most of us, as in either sex not just bee’s. In just about every couple someone made the first move.”

Ah, ok. I misunderstood you then, sorry- I thought you meant “us” as in women/weddingbee posters, especially in the context of women being approached by men, sorry! 

I  definitely agree that a friendly hello is not harassment but unfortunately many women, me included, have become jaded because it seems so often that friendly hello turns into aggressiveness when you don’t respond the way they want. But yeah, I also agree that throwing in those dubious examples kind of devalues the video. I think a video that has maybe 40 strong instances of real harassment would be way more powerful than one with 100 examples that were not all valid. 

Post # 26
Member
10650 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I live in an area where people tend to great others, and it doesn’t look like what mostly occurred in this video.

I’ve seen this shared by a few people on facebook, men and women.  I would like to believe most of the men I know would see something wrong with this.

Post # 27
Member
6441 posts
Bee Keeper

allyfally:  I grew up in an area where it’s odd for people to not say hello which is probably why this doesn’t exactly phase me, I still think these men are lewd and disgusting but I can understand it to a point.

Post # 28
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I just saw this video this morning and emailed the link to my husband because this happens to me A LOT and I’m always telling my husband about it. And it annoys him that guys do this but there’s really nothing we can do about it. 

It is beyond annoying and it is sometimes scary. I’ve literally had two guys drive beside me for a good 30 seconds once as I was ignoring them and their “hollering”. Another occasion there was only one guy in his car who did the same thing. He was even beeping at me as if he actually thought I didn’t see him. I’ve had someone else actually step in front of me and put his face literally a millimeter away from mine (and not in a friendly manner) so that I would look at him because I was ignoring his advances. I literally was shaking after that one because of how mad I was that he did that. And once I had a guy actually put his hand on my shoulder for a split second but that was long enough for me to want to kick his ass!! 

If someone told me none of these are forms of harassment, I’d laugh at their ignorance and stupidity. 

Post # 29
Member
2120 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

j_jaye:  the point of the video is not to show what it’s like for a catcaller (“I was also commenting mostly on the video in that it was onesided and bias since it didn’t show what the individual’s did/said to other’s walking by“).

The point is to show people what a typical walk down the street is like for most women. Something that should be innocuous is full of unwanted stares, comments telling them to smile, coos of “hey baby”, following, catcalls, etc, etc, etc.

Post # 30
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

mrs.joiner:  “most of the men hollering at her looked kind of like low lives themselves… but it really depends on where she lives as well.  Where my family lives, you just don’t see that kind of cat calling and lewd behavior.”

Hmmm, stereotypical much? What does a low-life look like? Maybe take a look in the mirror before condemning others. This “behavior” happens in a lot of cities, in a lot of different neighborhoods and socio-economic environments. I’m not excusing it– I think it is disgusting. But let’s not characterize it to a select group.

 catpeaches:  ding ding! You are correct. I’ve read that there were white men and also men in suits who hit on her as well, but they were edited out.

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