(Closed) What do you think of using sex as a reward?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you use sex as a reward in your relationship?
    Yes, all the time - it works : (8 votes)
    11 %
    No, I would never do that : (53 votes)
    76 %
    Other : (9 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    352 posts
    Helper bee

    I picked “other” because I don’t think I would ever INTENTIONALLY use sex as a reward (like the example of “you earned a blow job” that you gave) but if my SO does something that I like (which could be doing “chores” or something) I’ll probably be happy and thankful and WANT to have sex with him, especially if he asks nice 🙂

    I think that sex is kind of naturally a “reward” for “good behavior” either way, right? 

    Post # 4
    1193 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Yeah, I don’t like that idea.  I have sex with my husband because it’s part of a healthy marriage, not because I’m trying to teach him to act a certain way.  That’s sort of twisted to me.  

    Post # 5
    6361 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Newp. We have a very healthy sex life with no fears of rejection and I’d never mess with it as a control tactic. We discuss things as equals. We do not “reward” or “punish” each other’s behavior.

    When one of us gets the other one a surprise gift, it is not because they did something good recently and this is meant to bribe them to keep doing it. It’s just to see them happy, that’s it. I’d know if he was trying to manipulate me like that, and I’d resent it. I’m sure he’d feel the same way.

    Post # 6
    1408 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I dont think sex can really be a reward when its done often. its a way to show our love to each other. However say you want to reward your husband with a BJ (say if he never gets one or asks for one) then that would be a good reward. I just dont think sex can be a reward if hes getting it anyway. 

    Post # 7
    3555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I use ridiculous amounts of praise as a reward, sometimes I’ll also use special food eg: if you do X I’ll make you pie (FI is obsessed with pie). We have sex because we feel like it and want to be intimate, not because someone did chores.

    Post # 9
    405 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    It seems like a slippery slope. I feel like if you were constantly using sex as a reward you would eventually stop thinking about it as an intimate act and instead think about it like a form of payment. Eventually one person would do things solely to get “paid” with sex, and the other person would become resentful b/c they would always be “paying” for things with it. I think sex should be an act of passion and love. Your FI doing all the dishes because you are tired from a long day of work might lead to sex, not because you want to trade dish cleaning for sex but because the act of service itself made you feel love and therefore want sex.

    Post # 11
    11760 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Not a fan. Sex isn’t something to manipulate/bribe/coerce someone else. I also don’t feel the need to reward my man for doing things he is supposed to be doing. I do believe in positive reinforcement via words, not sex or any other physicial object – he’s an adult, not a dog or a child.  For example, my DH used to be less than helpful around the house.  Ever since I started verbally recognizing the things he does that help me out and show him how thankful I am for it, he was over time begun doing more and more things.  

    You should have sex because you want to, not because you told him you would if he did something for you.




    Post # 12
    8469 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think it depends on how you view sex.  I agree with other bees that this would only work if you have limited sex (otherwise it is no longer a reward).  I personally love having sex with my husband, so denying him sex for poor/bad behavior would be punishing myself too.  I suppose if sex is a chore, it would probably be easier to use as a “training tool,” but I don’t think it would ever work for us.

    Post # 13
    7492 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Nope. It shouldn’t be used as a bargaining chip.

    Post # 14
    4528 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @laughs:  exactly this. I’d never purposefully manipulate the Mr. with sex. But, if he’s “good” as opposed to “bad”, he’s much more likely to get some.

    Post # 15
    352 posts
    Helper bee

    I guess my point is that sex is kind of naturally a “reward,” because it (usually) happens when both parties are feeling loving/romantic/passionate towards each other… which probably happens when both people are “doing the right things.”  So like, it’s a reward for both people because you’re both feeling good about each other!

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