Post # 1
A friend of mine brought this question to me a while back, and I’m kind of on the fence about it. She was invited to a wedding, the invitation was addressed to “Jane Smith” and that was it. At the time, she was married (both she and her husband knew the bride from HS and remained friendly, but not too close) but she and her husband were separated. She hadn’t really told anyone about it back home, other than family, because she was unsure if they would reconcile (they separated about 3-4 times during their marriage and got back together each time, until she recently filed for divorce). She was still seeing her husband at least once a week or more, but they weren’t living together…and I don’t really know what he was telling people. In my friends mind, she was still married but they had hit a rough patch that they were trying to work through. When she got the invite, she was appalled that she wasn’t given a +1 at all, let alone including her husband, since she had never told the friend her marriage woes. I know that it’s tricky if someone is in that situation…you don’t want to risk hurting feelings either way, but I suppose I see my friends point. In the mind of the bride, the separation was merely gossip as it had never been confirmed. I would think even a phone call ‘I know this is awkward, but I heard about you and John…’ would be better. What do you bees think?
Post # 3
I would have err’d on the side of caution and invited her with her husband….that being said, if I had verbal confirmation that a friend was separated, I would invite her with a guest and not name the husband specifically because the last thing I would want was to add insult to injury and make the situation more difficult by inviting her as a “single.”
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I agree- whoever sent out the invites should, as awkward as it would have been, should have either called Jane, or sent the invites to both names. She could have RSVP’d just for one person, without anyone’s feelings being hurt.
Post # 5
I had a similar situation with a good friend – for the STD, I just included her husbands name. In the months after that, I had a separate conversation with my friend that was separated and she said she understood it was difficult and said she probably wouldn’t be bringing a date, but I still just added an ‘and guest’ instead of inviting the husband specifically.
Post # 6
Thanks for the input!! I can understand if you *know* a person is separated or getting a divorce, but since this was purely gossip…I found it odd that the bride didn’t at least add a +1 just in case.
Post # 7
I actually can see why the bride did it. Friend is separated, so may not want to come with husband. But a Plus 1 for someone separated seems so unnecessary and awkward. I would just invite the friend in that situation.
Post # 8
@MrsLulu: I can understand that if they were legally separated, but like I said it was just something she heard from someone else…the wife in question always acted and spoke as though they weren’t because they were working on their marriage. I don’t know, I guess I can see both sides…but I think it could be considered very rude to not have confirmation and assume because of a third party. Like the telephone game, it can’t always be trusted.
Post # 9
I had this situation with two of my cousins – there is talk in the family that they both live seperate lives from their husbands. I know Facebook isn’t the rulebook for the world but, one of my cousins is still listed with her husbands last name so I sent her invitation to Mr. & Mrs. XYZ. The other cousin is now on FB with her maiden name so I sent it to her and a guest. If FB weren’t around I would have either asked a family member how to send it or sent it to the both of them just to be safe.