Post # 1
…. My momma taught me better.
I will start
Dear boy next to me,
I have a test in an hour and I have Asked you three times to turn down your phone. You have headphones sitting next to your bag, so I do notkinder stand why you feel the need for the entire liberay to listen to nyan cat with you. Stop it before throw your phone out the window.
Post # 3
… I “shouldn’t”
You’d think since you’re planning your own damn wedding and collecting RSVP’s that you would understand you need to respond to mine by the deadline, which has passed. You idiot.
Post # 4
Dear “well-intentioned” family,
I’m spending $1K a month of my hard earned 24-yr-old money to fund this wedding that YOU, not I, want, the least you can do is stop acting like a raging pack of bridezillas and finally understand that I am a person who just started out in their career and not a money tree. You’re lucky I have better manners because I’m fully prepared to send you all “You’re welcome” cards instead of thank you cards if you don’t shape up and grow up. Oh, by the way, no one is stopping you from offering to pay for all these extras you keep requesting. Oh, and stop with the “we’re so broke game.” Multiple properties across the states and multiple vacations a year…yeah, you could help if you were so inclined.
…..Yeah, I’m a tad bit angry.
Post # 5
SO not in the mood to have another meeting about the same questions you ask me every single day. Do you have anymore updates? From 2 hours ago…. NOPE! BLAH!
Your stressssed out worker!
Post # 6
Dear my friends controlling piece of s^*& boyfriend,
Post # 7
I’m not an idiot and even though you said that with a smile, I know what you are trying to say. There can only be one person in control and you are extremely disrespectful and wish you would give me SOME credit. Im quicker than you think.
Post # 8
I know it’s not a PERSON, but still…..
It’s 11:00 pm again. Can you stop your catterwailing? Thanks for waking me up you little furball!You have ALL day to do that, and I am home all day so I know you wait until 11:00 ish at night to do this! You KNOW we will be getting up at around 1:30 am to go to work so can’t you wait until then? We do this EVERY night, it’s a routine, but stop MEOWLLING, do it before we go to bed or after we wake up okay? You are turning me into a b**ch!
I wish there was someway I can teach you TIME, oh yeah, you already know time, because it’s always around 11:00 pm! Sheesh.
your loving but sleep-deprived mommy
Post # 9
Dear all I know on f*&%book,
Stop putting all your trivial crap on there. Nobody cares that you can take a picture of yourself,in your bedroom/bathroom and then put a soppy song lyric as the caption. Equally,no one cares what you had a for dinner, what you are going to have for supper, or about how you just scratched your own a&%.I will save a slow clap for all of you special little snowflakes later.
And no,just because I havent updated my status a million and one times today already does not mean I “want to talk?” or appreciate all the messages of “are you ok?seem pretty quiet” I have at least four different lots of sh*&% going on and each one makes me want to pull my hair out!
*and breeeeaathe* This makes me sound like a person with an anger problem,I swear I am not lol.
Ps, dear sis-in-law,
Puuuuussshhh!I wanna meet my new nephew/niece soon!!
Post # 10
Do not touch my case files when I am gone. You file motions and petitions in them that I would never file, and then I am left to deal with the aftermath. Keep your sticky fingers out of my files, and I will do the same for you.
Please do not assume you know better than I do!
Post # 11
Dear bridesmaid that is on the fence about coming to my wedding because you just got engaged and definitely didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid but made a big deal about not telling me just everyone else,
Post # 12
Dear landlords advertising apartments:
It’s not a loft, it’s a room. Not a very big one.
If it’s in the basement, tell me, so I don’t waste both of our time.
If you aren’t going to respond by email, don’t tell me to email you.
If cats are allowed, why don’t you just say so?
‘Two bedrooms’ should mean ‘two bedrooms’ – not one bedroom and a ‘double’ living room, which is in fact no bigger than a normal living room.
It’s not “cute”, “charming,” or “lovely” – it’s cramped.
PS – It’s illegal to say you won’t rent to a family with children.
A very frustrated apartment-seeker
Post # 13
Dear Smelly Coworker–
Will you please shower? You have some unidentifiable B.O. that I know is coming from you because I only smell it when you are in the room. My candles and air fresheners are not enough and, quite frankly, I’m sick of spending my money on them! BATHE PLEASE!!
Your annoyed coworker
Post # 14
Dear Soon-to-be-ex Bosses and Colleagues,
I’M OUTTA HERE, BITCHES!!!
Someone who is way too over qualified for this dead-end job.
Post # 15
Dear crisps and biscuits – I know I bought you but I don’t really want to eat you. I mean I do, but once you’re in, I feel bad. Please stop putting yourself in my mouth. Yeah that’s right, it’s your fault. Not mine.
Dear Co-Worker – We’re all on holiday this week. Yep, that’s you too. So please stop f**king e mailing me questions about trivial bollocks and asking me to reply asap.
P.S. You’re annoying.
Dear FI’s potential new firm – Please get back to Fiance asap. I’m bored of waiting and FI’s bored of me asking him if he’s heard. You’ve interviewed him via e mail. If you just ignore him now i’m probably going to send you an anonymous, bitchy bitcherson e mail commenting on your lack of bloody etiquette. It won’t be friendly.
Ahhhhhhh…that feels a bit better!!
Post # 16
Dear stupid neighbor,
Jumping in your suv and running your windshield wipers for 30 seconds is not an effective way of brushing your car off after we got 5 inches on snow!
It really sucks to get stuck behind someone like you on the highway. I CANT SEE ANYTHING because all the snow you refuse to wipe off is now blowing right at me.
No, a book is not an effective ice scraper… this is COLORADO. Go to Wal-Mart spend $10 and buy an ice scraper… its a worthy investment.
ahh, i feel better now lol