(Closed) What to do when you receive an engagement announcement?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
770 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Isn’t this what facebook is for? Cool

Post # 18
1695 posts
Bumble bee

Engagements are fragile things: true love is being tested by the pressure of permanence, but without yet the fear of the divorce-courts to hold it together against the pressure. They are therefore properly treated delicately: one makes adequate announcement so that hostesses do not commit the solecism of inviting one fiance without the other; but avoids showy or formal announcements. A simple notice is put in the society section of the local newspaper or — for these modern days when most locales do not have their own newspaper, or the newspaper doesn’t have a society section, or people don’t read the newspaper anyway — one changes one’s facebook status.

Similarly, substantive recognition like gift-giving is inappropriate for engagements: their very fragility makes them too ethereal to withstand much materialism. But they need to be bolstered. So it is the obligation of every gracious friend, upon hearing about a new engagement, to send a note to the bride wishing her every happiness, and to say a firm “congratulations” to the groom, accompanied by a clap on the back or a light fist to the tricep (or a firm handshake) the next time you see him in person.

So yes, you should have responded. But she should not have sent the announcement in the first place, and mentioning it three months later if it is the first time you have seen them since, is de riguer.

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