(Closed) What do you wish you could\'ve told yourself right before you got engaged?

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

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trianglecoast:  I don’t understand the enjoying the engagement period either. It wasn’t necessarily a more magical time, we just had more stuff to do. Towards the end I remember thinking I wasn’t going to do this again so to let go and enjoy the wedding and honeymoon. I didn’t want to extend the engagement period (not even a little) but I wanted to be aware that I had this opportunity and all my family and friends were celebrating with us and I wouldn’t get that chance again. Similarly I wouldn’t get the chance to go on honeymoon again, I wouldn’t be able to say ‘it’s our honeymoon’ and have everyone randomly congratulate you (and then proceed to give you their tip for a healthy marriage), any other future holiday is just a nice holiday or an anniversary holiday. Definitely a no to extending the engagement period, it was long enough to plan, long enough for us to determine what marriage meant to each of us and what we were signing up for and long enough to start getting on my nerves.

I think I would tell my pre-engaged self to not hype it up too much. Don’t expect anything because your partner might surprise you or be too nervous to do anything spectacular, it doesn’t mean they love you any less if you proposal doesn’t make it on to YouTube/buzz feed.

Secondly, you might not feel excitement all the time. You might not even feel excitement a couple of days after the engagement. We got engaged on the Friday, by the Sunday night I just felt down. This was because we’d been away for the weekend and we were returning and I was sad about leaving and the phone calls hadn’t stopped. It was quite overwhelming. So actually on that thought, if you want to give yourself a few days before you tell anyone, that’s fine. You’re allowed to be happy and sad and everything in between.

You will start to receive an awful lot of unsolicited advice from everyone, they will tell you about venues or what went wrong for them. They will want to know when the date is and where it is more or less straight away (don’t worry you don’t need to know straight away).

Finally, work out with your partner what is and isn’t important to the two of you before anything else. Include things that family might want (e.g. a religious ceremony may be wanted by your parents and not upsetting them is more important than getting married on the top of Mt Everest), the family will probably surprise you but at least you’ll know where each other stands and what is important for you two. Agree how much family involvement/persuasion is allowed and the rest should then start to slot into place.

Post # 17
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Edson Keith Mansion

I felt a little bit negative because one of my friends informed me that it wasn’t possible to have a decent wedding for under $40,000. I knew that I wasn’t spending that much on my wedding. I wish that I could go back and enjoy those first few months without feeling like I needed to impress everyone with something grand…we settled on something much more “us” than a traditional country club wedding, and I could not be happier now.

Just have fun! 

Post # 18
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Now that I’ve had a little time to think there are two things I would tell my pre-engaged self.

As someone else stated don’t start planning too early. Unless you’re getting married in the next six months and time is a major factor relax. Do some fun online browsing, play around with color schemes and gush over all the gorgeous dress photos. Light stuff! Its been a little less than one month since we got engaged and one half of me is happy to have dived right in and checked off a couple major items but the other half wants to kick myself bc I could have put this stress off for a few months.

Don’t necessarily expect your Fiance to be as openly excited as you are…my feelings have been hurt a couple times and he honestly doesn’t intend to do so its just that in his mind his role is to pay the bills, get a suit and show up on time. He could care less about color schemes, venues, indoor/outdoor, decor, dress etc., He’s said this at least half a dozen times, “Of course I’m excited to marry you but its YOUR wedding.” Ok, but it really isn’t so that’s a bit hurtful bc in my perfect world this would be a team effort not me doing every bit of research and planning on my own. Went to our venue tour on Tuesday (gorgeous place) and he walked around half paying attention like he wanted to be elsewhere. Wish I had brought my Maid/Matron of Honor instead. 

So in hindsight I truly understand why some couples choose to elope bc my previous excitement is now turning into feelings of simply wanting to get this over with.  

Post # 19
Member
2918 posts
Sugar bee

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slomotion :  Haha this is what I’m scared for! Everyone says proposals fly by because you are so excited and shocked and crying haha.

Post # 20
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

OMG Elope or do a very very small wedding – its so not worth the cost throwing a big wedding!

Also, slow down and take it all in 🙂 

Post # 21
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

Relax. Don’t stress. Take in the moment and remember as much as you can from it. Really enjoy just being engaged and being content in that. Don’t plan a wedding to please others. Do whatever you and your fiancé wish to do 🙂 

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