Post # 1
- Wedding: St. petersburg, FL
My Darling Husband and I just got married, and we’ve been together for 5 years. Starting our married life, we know what timeline we’d like to TTC, so we still have another year. However, now that we’re married and we will be TTC by the beginning of next year, what do you wish you knew prior to having your first (or second, or third, or whatever #!) baby? Anything people might not know that they should know/not super obvious like, “you will be HELLA tired” (btw, I believe it!!!)?
Post # 2
clipclop1023 : The first few years are hard, yea and everyone focuses on how you lose sleep, lose your identity, etc. There are real things that I am not trying to discount…
BUT, they grow up and you get that back. My kids are 16, 9, and 9 and we have weekly date night, weekly trivia with friends, I work out and am training for a half marathon. I can sleep in, etc etc. The first 5 years are a mental slog, but it doesnt last forever. You do get to be “you” again and it doesnt take 18 years. Give it 5-7 and you’ll have a lot more freedom again.
Post # 3
clipclop1023 : Pooping for the first time after the delivery is even scarier than giving birth.
Post # 4
You will always be worried about something. First it was getting rid of my daughter’s pacifier, after that it was weaning her and getting her to drink regular milk, then it was to stop co sleeping, now it’s switching over to the school district pre-K program because DAMN it’s going to be awesome to start saving and paying debts with her $1k a month daycare payment. But she loves the school she’s at now, so I feel guilty.
There is ALWAYS something to beat yourself up over, moms can be just so mean to themselves. And we don’t deserve it.
Remind yourself that you are doing the best that you can and that is all that you can do, and that you’re doing a great job. That no one else sees yourself the way you do in terms of your perceived shortcomings.
Be kind and forgiving of yourself
Post # 5
It’s a horrifying hell scape of constantly wondering what new and exciting thing may potentially kill your fragile baby today.
Post # 6
The sleep (can be) worse than you could possibly imagine.
Breastfeeding doesn’t always/usually come “naturally”, it’s hard and heartbreaking.
Your hair falls out in massive quantities about 4 months PP. It’s normal.
There will be babies “ahead” of yours, or maybe yours will be the genius. It all evens out. Don’t make it a competition or you’ll kill yourself stressing about it. Find a mom group and hold on tight with them.
Post # 7
LilliV : can you please elaborate?
Post # 8
clipclop1023 : you can be rougher with a boy’s nuts than you might think. Not saying go crazy on him, but my husband definitely had to tell me not to be such a wimp when changing diapers, lol.
Totally agree on the scary first bathroom stop…. maybe the first few, and showers as well.
Nursing isn’t necessarily easy and that doesn’t mean you’re wrong somehow. and if need be, tell the lactation consultant to go away. One of those that visited me just screwed it all up. I wish I’d had the stones to get rid of her.
Whatever pajama type you buy, that’s the type your baby doesn’t like. Get a variety.
Huggies smell awful when wet. We thought there was something wrong with our son. There are forum threads about it. Just pick another brand.
Everyone says you’ll pee a lot toward the end because baby does a bladder dance. You’ll always pee a lot. The whole time. Something to do with having more blood. I had a lot more rush situations during the first trimester and get up minimum twice a night now that I’m almost halfway through round 2.
The paranoia regarding whether things are going smoothly, at least for me, never goes away. Took ages to find the heartbeat at my last appointment – first I had a runner, now a hider. Now I’m waiting for it to move, which is not happening any faster than it did the first time (even though the net says you’ll notice sooner) And still nervous for my 20 wk ultrasound to make sure it’s growing properly and even then I doubt I’ll fully relax. Ugh. Mostly I choose not to think about it but it’s always there.
Then when they get mobile they hurt themselves constantly. And their arms are made of elastic. If you think it’s out of reach, move it even further. Nothing will make you drop what you’re doing faster than hearing the telltale sound of a knife being picked up when you’re the only adult home.
Post # 9
namsayin : I can elaborate: you’re all torn up, you anticipate pain, stitches tearing and all the rest, right after having gone through with birth. And you’re still bleeding anyway. It’s nerve-wracking and you have to make yourself do it, like actually put in the effort instead of your body just saying ‘tough luck, it’s happening,’ especially if constipated. At least you get a baby out of childbirth!
Post # 10
namsayin : skunktastic : pretty much nailed it. I had a vaginal birth with a 2nd degree tear so I was stitched up and it’s impossible to localize your pushing (which is why so many women poop during birth) and it feels like you are going to bust open a stitch. Plus your guts are all flabby and weird because your uterus is empty but hasn’t shrunk down yet so it’s kind of hard to control your pushing muscles anyways.
Post # 11
Clusterfeeding! No one warned me that babies can breastfeed for hours and hours non-stop in the first few weeks!
Also, the sheer quantity of spit-up/vomit (though I have a particularly sicky baby)
Post # 12
After you’re pregnant is not the time to be deciding expectations for how your partner should (or shouldn’t) be catering to your pregnant needs. After the baby is born is not the time to be deciding how you’re going to split up responsibilities including emotional labor. Talk long and hard about expectations and what things are going to look like before you reach those situations. When to share pregnancy with family? Find out sex of baby early? When to decide on a baby name? Sleep training? Is it ok for the baby to cry? Bottles? Screen time? Family visits? etc. etc.
Newborns do not need much. Getting a nursery set and all the purchases made before birth is generally not necessary if you plan on keeping baby in your room for the first part of their life.
Babies are picky and put very little wear on items. Unless you’re awash in cash, consider buying a variety of things used – that way you have many options and aren’t out a chunk of money if the kid doesn’t like the one fancy bouncer or carrier you settled on.
Post # 13
How much bleeding and how long it will last after delivery. I knew that it would happen (duh you just gave birth) but nobody really told me that it would be like the longest period of your life. Wear big pads.
Also, baby blues (hormones rollercoaster) is real. I cried a lot for the first few weeks. And it’s not just to the level of Postpartum Depression. So definitely have supportive people with you to help you out and cheer you on.
Post # 14
skunktastic : LilliV : wow. Thank you ladies. It is so crazy how little I know about pregnancy/giving birth, even though I’m a woman.
Post # 15
clipclop1023 : Your TTC/pregnancy/parenting experience may not be what you expect and that’s okay. You just have to take it in stride and deal with whatever drama you’re thrown along the way.
Other people will have all the opinions on everything you do. Learn how to say “thanks, but we’re doing X” without needing to defend your choices.