What do you wish you knew? (Prior to having a baby?)

posted 3 months ago in Babies
Post # 16
Member
7442 posts
Busy Beekeeper

namsayin :  you’re not alone! Since most women give birth in hospitals with doctors they don’t experience a birth usually until their own. That’s why I think it’s so great to have girlfriends who way overshare. Besides the scary pooping I felt like my friends had warned me about most things. 

Another weird one I experienced was feeling compelled to tell my birth story. Whenever someone saw me pregnant they’d tell me about their labor/delivery and I was like “omg why would you tell a preggo these things?!” and then about 3 weeks post-partum I caught myself doing it to a pregnant friend of my husband. I was able to pull back and stop myself but it really is like a compulsion! 

Post # 17
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

namsayin :  I took stool softeners and it was no sweat. I was terrified of pp poop, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought, lol. 

 

OP:

If you have a drug-free labor, “The ring of fire” doesn’t mean you’re tearing, nor will you likely even feel tearing if it happens. I was certain the horrendous burning sensation was the feeling of tearing…but it turns out I didn’t tear where I was even feeling that pain. I wish I had known this, because I was terrified of tearing which made me reluctant to push. I did end up with a tear that needed a stitch, but it was waaay less of a deal than I thought it would be, so I’m not even scared of that anymore. So yeah, ring of fire is harmless, don’t be scared of it. 

I didn’t know my breathing technique would make me hyperventilate. Feeling my lips tingle and limbs go numb was the last thing I wanted to feel while dealing with labor pain. I’m definitely going to prepare with better breathing techniques for next time. 

Now actually baby related…

I didn’t know there was only one right way to raise a baby. 🙄 That’s sarcasm, obviously…but I was really flabbergasted by how passionate and angry internet moms can be about parenting methods. Some will even suggest you’re abusive if you don’t do things the way they do. So I wish I had known that I know my baby best, and that I can trust my instincts, and I don’t need the internet’s approval. I stopped going to Google for advice after the first 3 months. I’m a rational, educated adult, backed up by another rational, educated adult (hubby)…There’s no reason I shouldn’t trust myself. 

I didn’t know how resilient babies are. They learn extremely quickly and can tolerate more bumps, bruises, and crying, than you’d think. That’s not to say don’t try to minimize such incidents, but they’re inevitably gonna happen someday, so don’t beat yourself up when it does. 2 minutes later and smothered in kisses, they won’t even remember. 

 

 

Post # 18
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

namsayin :  i’m not sure if this is what she meant but I was scared I’d pop my stitches pooping. I had an episiotomy and hemorrhoids after giving birth so I dreaded that first poop but it wasn’t as bad as I anticipated. 

Post # 19
Member
7442 posts
Busy Beekeeper

kiram :  I’ll tack on that many people tried to dissuade me from a drug-free labor because of the ring of fire, but I didn’t experience it! My daughter had a tiny head for which I am forever grateful. Definitely plan on doing future deliveries drug-free as well. 

Post # 20
Member
9662 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

For the PP poop. They have cold packs on Amazon that you break like a glow stick and they get really cold. Hold it over your lady bits before/during when you go so that you don’t feel anything.

Post # 21
Member
1984 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

clipclop1023 :  The first couple weeks after delivery, and especially the first few days, are INSANE when it comes to hormones and mood swings and emotions.  We were also dealing with some really stressful infant health stuff, but yeah, I was constantly crying and freaking out.  I kept telling the nurses and my husband/parents that “yeah I’m upset, but I’m not THIS upset!”  Even with people who have no complications or issues, the hormones and emotions are wild.  Just be prepared and hold on… it will pass.

Post # 22
Member
290 posts
Helper bee

1. How tired, tired, just so TIRED you will be at first.

2. How you wont have 5 minutes to brush before you sit like a cow at a milking station for hours.

3. How you will have to wait for your Darling Husband to come home so you can eat without cramming food in 2 minutes or to take a nice long shower.

3. How you get used to the smell of poo and baby vomit. Like you’ll do that and get right back to eating food again. lol

4. How you find reserves of patience you never knew you had that you can rock baby to sleep whilst battling industrial strength migraines that induce nausea, sensitivity to light and shakiness that an earlier, pre-baby you would have taken to bed for but now you’ve gotta keep going so you do

5. How you will lose it, really ugly lose it, far more times than you’d care to admit or remember

6. How much time you’ll spend taking endless pictures because baby WONT stay still for one hot second

7. How much time you’ll spend admiring little feet and baby rolls of fat

8. How it feels like your heart has jumped out of your body and for the first time, you’re vulnerable for the rest of your life because where that soul goes, your heart goes.

9. How you eventually get used to it and proud of this little human being has actually thrived under your care and reached milestones according to doctors when earlier you couldnt even grow a seed in a pot

10. How you will love and respect your Darling Husband in a new way for giving you the best gift and then helping you through good and bad, the really really tough night feeds whilst he also goes into work looking like a train wreck but comes home to do it all over again and he’s the only person who loves your baby exactly the way you do.

Aww… its been 8 years since my last and I have to say, I’m SO glad i’m done, LOL. I’ll think of you when I tuck myself in tonight hahahah you’ll get there Bee, and tell others what you wish you’d known.

Post # 23
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Agree with everyone! As a two (soon to be three) time c section mom- agree on the poop situation. Haha. Stool softeners for the win. 

Yes to the challenges (and rewards) of breastfeeding, but also the major Mom guilt you can feel if it doesn’t work out and you switch to formula. Spoiler alert- they still turn out just fine. 

Yes to both the bonding with your partner, and the complete irrational post partum behavior that can totally stress your already fragile and sleep deprived relationship. Turns out, babies are hard- especially at the beginning. 

For me, I was surprised at how sidelined I was by post partum depression- and how common it is once I started talking about it. I am NOT normally a person who struggles with depression and with my son, it hit me hard and lasted for months. It was better the second time around and this time I’ve preemtivly started some anti depressants. 

I laughed out loud at the birth story sharing- it’s true. I’m not a vet but I liken it to combat war story sharing. You literally can hardly help yourself.  I also agree about identity loss (and hair loss). It’s hard. You’re not yourself for a while- but it does come back. Slowly. 

I think the biggest thing I learned was to cut myself some slack. To echo others- there’s no perfect way. However you do it, however you survive, that’s the right way for you. Turns out- everyone will be just fine. 

Post # 24
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

TTC is and can be a long, hard emotional rollercoaster. It took us a year and a half to conceive with the help of fertility drugs. And during that time it will seem like everybody and their mother is getting pregnant before you. 

The post delivery poop was a lot more of a prolonged painful experience then I thought. 

You might rely on your SO way more then you thought during recovery. Post c section with staples D.H. was my rock, I was basically useless the first 7 days on my own. 

My hormones were crap the first month, I cried over everything…

Breast feeding can be hard. I had difficulty with my LO latching on and staying on. Once we figured it out I realized I just didnt produce enough milk to breastfeed and had to give it up for the most part after only a few weeks. I was pretty upset over having to stop. 

The lack of sleep that first month made me and d.h. a-holes, we were moody and fought over the dumbest things, we wanted to kill each other sometimes. But It does get better, it took us about two months to become a well oiled machine of a team when parenting. 

Post # 25
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee

I second stool softeners and being kind to yourself if breastfeeding doesn’t pan out like you hoped. Fed is best.

Post # 26
Member
4756 posts
Honey bee

mel2 :  OK thank you for posting this. All I hear is the negative and I was getting freaked out. 

Post # 27
Member
6734 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

-Everything they tell you in the hospital is worthless because you won’t remember because the nurses/doctors come into your room at all hours of the night to tell you very important things and you haven’t slept because the baby is clusterfeeding your boobs are the size of watermelons and you’re all doped up and in pain and you have no clue what’s going on and WTF just make sure they write it all down! 

-C-sections aren’t the end of the world.

-Water retention after birth (especially c-sections) is NO JOKE. I couldn’t see the bones in my feet for a good 2 weeks! 

-Postpartum depression doesn’t look the same for everyone. Those questionnaires they make you fill out asking how often you cry and if you want to hurt yourself or your baby…yeah no. I didn’t want to do that at all and I wasn’t crying constantly. But I definitely also didn’t want to be anywhere near my baby most of the time.

-Breastfeeding can make you feel like you’re a slave to your own baby. It can be incredibly lonely and isolating. And it’s NOT FOR EVERYONE! If you can do it: great! If you can’t: isn’t science wonderful? 

-It gets better.

-It is impossible to describe the overwhelming feeling of happiness and love I have when I look at my son and he smiles at me. I’m crying now just thinking about it. I never in a million years thought I could love another person as much as I love him. It’s incredible. 

Post # 28
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I was fortunate to only experience a brief stint of baby blues (a couple of hours of unexplained crying when milk came in), but I do feel like my emotions have changed forever. These days, nearly 7 months since I gave birth, I cannot watch anything even slightly sad about children without crying hard. My friend with school aged children says the same thing, so I’m thinking it’s something that may never change back to how it was before my son.

Also, hair loss, like a PP mentioned.

Post # 29
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

sweatergal007 :  Glad it helped! I think all the moms of young kids talk but theyre all in the same part. The moms of older kids are in a different season of life so the young kid moms dont hear from them.

Im a weirdo. I had a kid at 18, another kid at 25. Now Im getting remarried and having another one at 35/36. I LOVE the freedom I have now and kind of loathe the “locked” down lifestyle of a baby. But I love babies too and I know its only for a little while 🙂

Post # 30
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2016

The best advice anyone ever gave me was “don’t worry about creating problems further down the line, deal with the problem at hand”. I worried about intruducing a dummy, about cosleeping, about rocking to sleep etc. Everyone tells you that you will make a rod for your own back. But you know what, the problem at hand is the most improtant thing and you don’t know if it will even be an issue later.

For example: my daughter doesn’t ever co-sleep now but in the past she would occassionally need to. It never became a big deal like I worried it would.

 

The biggest thing is that nothing stays the same. The good and the bad. So even during the poor sleep, the tough spells, the reflux, the colic etc they all go away before you know it. While you are in it, it is tough! But it won’t last forever.

And lastly, the love you feel for your child is the most amaxing thing you will ever feel.

 

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