What does a serious conversation about marriage sound like?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Sounds like you should be asking him.

Ours-

Me-“I need health insurance, sooo we should get married”

Him-“Sounds great, lets start planning”

Post # 3
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Engagment month(s), wedding year and season. When kids will come.

Post # 4
Member
3730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Maybe he means you aren’t having “serious” conversations because everything has been hypothetical thus far. I would say serious conversations would include some sort of timeline, even if it were a couple of years out. 

ETA: just realized you said he asked about a timeline. What was your response? If you were vague then maybe he still doesn’t see it as a “serious” discussion, which doesn’t necessarily mean the isnt taking it seriously. 

Post # 5
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Talking in depth about your expectations and values for marriage, ideas on family values, how you’d raise any future kids, if you’ll even have future kids, where you’ll live, where you see yourself in 5, 10, 20 years, what religion or faith means to both of you, how you’ll manage money, what intimacy looks like and means to both of you, what your careers will look like, what kind of wedding you want, how long you want to be engaged for, and so on. You really should know the other person inside and out before committing your life to them. A serious talk on marriage is not about the wedding itself, it’s about what comes after the wedding that is most important 🙂

Edit: I think I see what you’re saying now. I guess I would talk about a timeline and start looking at rings together and saving specifically for a wedding. Honestly, ring shopping together and saving for that was something that counted as “serious” for my fiancé and I because we were taking the steps to get there, not just talking in hypotheticals 

Post # 6
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

I don’t think there’s a right answer for this.

Shortly after Fiance and I started dating, we knew we wanted to get married. I asked him one day when he wanted to get married, and he said maybe in a few years. Then a few days later, he told me he had been thinking about a timeline and really wanted to get married before turning 31. So we’re getting married a week before he turns 31. 🙂 At the beginning of last year, I told him that if he wants to stick to the original timeline, we’d need to get engaged that year (because most couples take a year to plan). He asked me to send him links to rings I wanted since I knew I wanted a ring from MoissaniteCo. By March, he had talked to my dad, purchased the ring, and planned the proposal for April 8.

Post # 7
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee

When we started dating I told my husband that I was only interested in a relationship that was geared towards marriage and that I was looking to be engaged in about a year…so we were fairly open from the beginning about discussing topics related to the longevity of a relationship.

…if we wanted children, where we wanted to live, how we manage our finances, any debt, household responsibilities, expectations for intimacy, career goals, conflict resolution techniques, desired relationships with family members, care of our parents in the future…

Post # 8
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

Him: “We should get married.”

Me: “How’s this fall?”

In all seriousness, we had all the “big” talks (hopes for the future/marriage/children, politics/religion/ethics, finances, lifestyle, etc. etc. etc.) and knew we aligned on all of them so his saying we should get married just made sense.

I think if he’s asking you for a timeline then that’s what he needs for the talks to feel “serious”; that you’re working toward a specific goal date in mind. 

Post # 10
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

What was your timeline conversation like?

Like if you are 25, was it along the lines of “well I’d like to be married and have a baby by the time I’m 30”.

Or was it more like “we’ve been dating for two years now and I’d really like to be married to you. I’d like to be engaged within the next six months so we can plan a wedding for 2018.” 

Two very different timeline conversations. 

Post # 11
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

When my family asked about my plans for marriage before I was engaged, I’d give them the same answer (“we haven’t really discussed it”). I am always very vague about my plans for life because 1) I have this idea that I might jinx things 2) I’m afraid of disappointing them if things don’t work out 3) it’s none of their business. Maybe your partner is the same way? 

Currently, being engaged, I speak freely about my wedding plans. My answer to the baby question however is always “I don’t know. We’re just taking it one step at a time” even though in truth, we will start TTC in another year. 

Post # 12
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

We had always discussed hypothetically getting married a year or two after graduating from college, and doing it over the summer since he’s a teacher and would be off. So 8 months after graduating:

Me: So do you think you’d want to get married this summer? 

Him: Yeah, sure! What do we need to do?

Me: Well, you could propose.

Him: Oh let’s go ring shopping! 

And we literally walked right out the door and went ring shopping.

Post # 13
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I didn’t feel like it was a serious discussion until he told me he wanted to go to the jewelry store with me. Before, we did lots of talking and discussing all of the details about what we wanted for the future and I knew it would happen eventually, but it wasn’t an immediate/about to happen thing. 

Post # 14
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Maybe he just doesn’t want his family in your business?

I considered all of our talks about marriage to be serious. We dated a long time before getting engaged (7 years) but we were always very serious about each other and knew that we would get married eventually. We however are pretty private couple so most people probably think we didn’t talk seriously about it overall because when they asked about it we would brush it off because it was none of thier business.

Post # 15
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I considered all of our talks about marriage and timelines to be serious. Ours was basically a chat about our relationship and where it was going and what would make us both happy.

Him: so let’s get married

Me: ok. let’s start booking stuff. 

That was that.

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