(Closed) What does a walk date mean to you?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee

@MariaW:  I think my walk date is similar to yours. He’s said that if there’s not an engagement by his birthday (end of March) then I could “get upset” lol, so he gave me my walk date without knowing it. I think that if nothing happens, I’ll be looking to move into my own place by April 1. I don’t think it’s going to come to that at all, but the way I see it, he’s had plenty of my time and it’ll be time to focus more on myself at that point if he hasn’t come through.

Post # 33
Member
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Ha!  Never heard of that before… I was seriously going to answer:  a date where you go on a walk together. 🙂

In my circle we call it:  “The come to Jesus talk” … or a “DTR” (define the relationship)

Post # 34
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

For me it’s the point at which it becomes clear that SO and I are on different pages where the relationship is concerned.  We’re 33 and 36.  We’ve been together almost 3 years.  At the 3 year point I think we should know that we’re right for each other or part ways.  

Post # 35
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@MariaW:  I think it will mean when I walk away from caring. Perhaps I’ll still casually date him but I would also start dating others again. I like smotth transitions where possible!

Not that I have one at all.

Post # 36
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I didn’t have a ‘walk date’ set because I didn’t have to wait for one; he proposed to me just shy of our 6 month anniversary (amazing, considering he had been adamant about never marrying before he met me..and no, I didn’t push him to propose lol). I do respect women that choose to set one though, especially if they’ve waited a decent amount of time and have discussed marriage and proposals with their SO over an extended period. If the man doesn’t know by a certain time that he wants to marry you, then you should be able to leave, move on, and find someone that cherises you. It especially makes sense if the woman is in her mid to late 20s or 30s and wants children; you shouldn’t waste your fertile years on a man that won’t commit.

I did set a walk date for my ex, though. He had 2 years after we began dating to propose; he didn’t (well, he tried giving me a ‘promise ring’ and telling me it was a precursor to an engagment ring…but then told me he didn’t know if he loved me after we’d been together 1 1/2 years) and I walked. Looking back on it, I’m glad I walked because I realized we were totally, horrible incompatible. We argued constantly and neither of us compromised in any aspect of the relationship.

Post # 37
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

To me, the ideal “walk date” (or thing like it) is at the very beginning of a relationship where it is established 

a) both partners desire marriage.

b) X amount of time is enough to know whether or not marriage is the appropriate action to take.

c) Y amount of time is allowed between X and P (if P = Proposal). 

While my method may sound totally crazy, I do think it’s at least important for these things to be discussed early in a relationship, before total emotional commitment sets in. 

If emotional commitment has set in, I think establishing a “walk date” should include telling ones partner that one’s needs have changed. The partner deserves to know that a change has occurred and that they too need to re-evaluate their situation. 

Post # 38
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

To me, a “Walk Date” is the date when I re-evaluate our relationship. It isn’t necessarily a date that I would walk out on our relationship, but I suppose it could turn into that. Basically, it’s the date when I have to figure out what value I put on our relationship. If marriage means more to me than him, then I’ll walk and try to find someone else. But if being with him means more to me than marriage, then I’ll stay with no questions asked.

Post # 39
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

What exactly is a “come to Jesus” talk???

Post # 41
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
@jennyinstereo:  A “come to jesus” talk is basically, where you sit someone down and you tell them how it is….a sort of wake up call! to here is what i want to see happen, or xy&z could happen, I dont want it to but, this is important and you need to wake up….type of thing….not do it now, temper tantrum style

View original reply
@MariaW:  To me, a walk date means, that i love myself and i have wants and needs and if my SO cant respect them or my time, then i need to reflect on the relationship, not necesarrily leave, but to beging to consider other options in life, based on values that he has known our ENTIRE relationship about….

Edited down immensly because it was a novel….

Post # 42
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I do have a walk date but it is purely mental and not something I have put over the relationship….by the way, walk date to me is the day I start making provisions to leave. It is the last day of my relationship.

I find the ones who say that walk dates are ridiculous are generally the ones who were never actually waiting and do not know the heart ache. I absolutley adore my SO and have not imposed my mental walk date lightly but i CANNOT compromise on my own beliefs and desires. I know in my heart that if I am eternally waiting, bitterness will breed and I will feel like I made a huge sacrifice in order to please someone else. For me, love is not enough and I would ultimately question the entire relationship. My SO would not be the man of my dreams if he didn’t want to marry me and I would regretably have to move on. 

Post # 43
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@MariaW:  I don’t have a walk date as marriage isn’t a dealbreaker to me. but, if it were yeah, i’d begin preparing to leave the relationship. but, to me, a simple signed peice of pAper doesn’t define the relationship. marriage or no, we’re in this til our dying day. thats what you want right? someone to stay with you & be beside you thru thick and thin.

Post # 44
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

to me, my walk date is decided. only decided it this weekend lol

ive decided my walk date is the date i move into my own place without bf. we are currently saving up for a home 🙂 ! a lot of saving needs to be done lol and if he doesnt propose before we sign the dotted line on the mortgage then im not going to buy somewhere with him. we live together already i just dont want to commit to a mortgage with someone who wont commit to me if that makes sence ? so i dont have a spresific date, but the less money i spend the sooner mariage may come hopefully! and he knows that i want to be engaged before we buy but he doesnt know that i will move out on my own if it doesnt happen.

Post # 45
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I decided that it was important to get married. .. I’m too old to be called girlfriend. .. i have never called him boyfriend ever.  I want him to say.. this is my wife. .i am not comfortable going places where we have to introduce each other so that’s the main reason for me. .I’m ready and I told him… no romantic proposal. .. well if I didn’t he never would have thought of it. ..I want to be wife… I’m already a granny. .. so we aren’t starting out like young people. . He is very good to me and we live together. . Go on vacations. Eat. Sleep together. .. I was married for 24 years. Divorced. .. me and husband to be together exactly 6 years on the wedding day. ..he took some time to get used to it. I told him i would get resentful it wasn’t an ultimatum it was a choice. Initially he said no. . But he loves me. . And wants me to be happy. .. he is now excited. I. Have. My first engagement ring we are having small wedding … I am so excited I am having a hard time waiting.  

Post # 46
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Reading through everyone’s responses, there are so many bees here that I agree with. I think this is a great topic to be revisited!

To me, a walk date is something personal that I have not shared with my SO. He knows I’m on some sort of a timeline and he’s even hinted that he knows when it is. But I will not say anything to him about it. I have set this date because I do not want to be a “Forever Girlfriend”. When I first start dating someone, I have a walk date too. After 6 months I have to stop and reevaluate the relationship, I’m too old to waste my time with men who don’t want to commit. Fortunately, it only took a few dates with those guys to know they weren’t interested in what I was haha. As far as a walk date for my guy, I’ve set it for March. I want to get married and have kids and that is very important to me. I’m 29 and I’m really not young enough to date just for kicks. When I met my SO, we both knew early on that marriage and children was something that we both wanted.  Now when March comes around and he hasn’t proposed, I’m not going to leave him, but I will have to reevaluate the relationship and figure out what the problem is and fix it or prepare to end the relationship.

I have seen too many  people get stuck in relationships going nowhere and they both know it but can’t get out. My best friend has one of those relationships and every day she feels terribly sad knowing this guy is giving her no hope of marriage or a future, but she stays with him hoping she can change him. This is not for me, marriage and children are much too important to me.  I look at them as goals I want to accomplish in my life. And even though I love my guy more than anything, I would never let anyone stop me from accomplishing my goals. I know if I stayed in a relationship and there was no hope of marriage or a family, I would be miserable and only resent my choice and my guy. Hopefully my internal walk date is not needed and everything goes smoothly though!

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