(Closed) What does he mean?? lovers quarrel inside :(

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

That’s tough…but maybe it is just stress. I know Darling Husband and I had some major blowouts and said some things we never meant. It was usually due to stress. I would give him a bit to calm down and relax and have another conversation. At that point, if his view hasn’t changed then you’ll know for sure. 

Post # 4
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry you guys are fighting.  I agree that it can be pretty stressful for him that he isn’t bringing in income and add to the fact that the only household income is unemployment which won’t last forever and I would be stressed out too!  Guys aren’t very good at communicating their stress so he might not know how to bring all of this up with you so I think that counseling session is a great idea.  Hopefully that can help him to open up.

Post # 5
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m really sorry that you are having to go through this 🙁 Unemployment can cause a lot of stress in a relationship for sure. I would doubt that he is ready to just “throw in the towel” though if he is looking forward to the counseling session with your preacher. I think that is a really good idea – the preacher I’m sure will allow both sides to be seen so hopefully he will understand more how he is making you feel at that point. *hugs*

Post # 6
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Stress will totally do that to you.  Give him some space, but don’t shut him out.  Maybe he just needs a little wedding detox.. or some time to calm down.  There are days where I am jumpy and moody.. but they pass.  Hopefully things will be better soon!

Post # 8
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Oh, I’m so sorry!  If your Fiance is anything like mine (and they do sound like they handle fights similarly), I think you need to give him space and time.  If you continue to ask him questions and talk to him, he’ll continue to get frustrated and say things to push you away and make you mad and hurt.  He doesn’t necessarily mean them, but he just has so much anger and frustration built up and he needs to process it in his own way, but he can’t do that when he has to answer to you.  This is always so difficult for me, because I’m the type of person who needs to work out whatever is wrong NOW.  Fiance just can’t.  He needs time to cool off, think, process, and then he can come back to me and talk like the man who loves me.  So, my advice is to leave him alone.  Let him do whatever he wants.  Don’t ask him to answer to you, don’t ask him questions about what this means or what’s happening.  Just give him time.  This is going to be hard for you, so in the meantime, go to a movie, meet up with a friend, keep yourself occupied.  But I think it’s the best thing you can do–otherwise he might be pushed to say some really hurtful things, and those are always difficult to forget once the fight is resolved.  I’m so sorry you’re going through this!! ((HUGS))

Post # 9
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I second mrsmdphd…
Men and women fight differently. He can talk you out of a bad mood because this is how we are wired: talking, listening, expressing ourselves and working through it. Men need their alone time; when he feels he had enough, he’ll talk to you again, probably as if nothing happened. Only then you should bring it up again, in a very “this is how I feel when you say that” kinda way – not arguing, but explaining the effects of his behavior on you.
While he’s like that, don’t push him to see when he’ll be ready to talk… occupy yourself, let him be. He’ll be fine later.

It does seem like he’s stressed out and the things that happen do seem minor compared to his big reaction… It is odd that he’d reconsider everything for that. Either there are other underlying issues, or he’s being really unfair, threatening your relationship when the smallest things don’t go his way. One way or another, it should be clarified as soon as he’s able to discuss.

Post # 10
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I hope everything’s going better, esp. with the help of counseling.

My Fiance and I have been goign through similar issues (he was behaving similarly to how it sounds like yours was), and we’re 3 months from our wedding. We started counseling the other day, and it has been a weight off of me. Keep the faith that the counseling can help, *espeicallly* since your Fiance is so in favor of it.

Post # 11
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would back off. Tell him you are there if he wants to talk, but will otherwise respect that he doesn’t.

TRY not to bug him about it. It will only make it worse. Men aren’t like us- when they say they don’t want to talk about it, it actually means that they don’t.

Post # 12
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

oh, ya- and after a couple of dyas, offer him a massage:)

Post # 13
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Aw just give him some space to cool down right now. I know it is hard because if you are lik eme I always want to talk it out here and now, but that adds fuel to the fire sometimes.

Post # 14
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I haven’t had a fight that bad with my Fiance, but I think it comes more from the stress of being unemployed and not being able to provide whatsoever with the unemployment claim being challenged.  My Fiance has been unemployed for over a year and it is SO tough.  He deals with depression and just grumpy moods and sometimes they need a big reminder that you’re there to be supportive and not to be an emotional punching bag.  Good lukc to you!!!

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