(Closed) What does it all mean?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
694 posts
Busy bee

Do you ever make him feel like there’s a reason you’d dump him? Maybe something you’ve said or a way you treat him that would make him feel like it’s crossed your mind?

If not, it may just be one of his insecurities. I am in the “don’t-read-too-much-into-what-guys-say” camp though. When my husband and I started dating, he would say that I was too good for him or he was lucky to have me, but it was sweet and not in a concerning way.

If you’re freaked out by what he’s saying, next time he says it, just ask him if he is really afraid of breaking up? My guess is that you’re putting more thought into it than he is 🙂

Post # 3
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If those things are really word for word what your BF says then I’d say he’s really strange and creepy.

Post # 4
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

The “if you havnt dumped me yet” talk sounds like maybe he thinks your too good for him? and hes scared you’ll realize it and dump him so he expresses his fear by joking about it? just a guess

Post # 5
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

The “if you haven’t dumped me” comments just sounds like his own insecurities.

It may be time for you to have a serious conversation with him about your future. All of these vague comments mean nothing because they could mean anything. The only way to know for sure is to talk to him.

Talking from personal experience, about 10 months in or so, after already talking vaguely about how our wedding would be and how his mother would want to plan everything and so on, my then-boyfriend just asked, “So when do you want to get married?” And we discussed timelines at that point.

For you, it doesn’t sound like you even talked about marriage in the future. You should probably just be direct, and say, “Hey, so I was wondering if you’ve thought about marriage in our future?” Or something along those lines. Then you can both me on the same page in regards to your future.

My Fiance and I started out with just hypothetically talking about our future. Like talking about how we’d be as old people. Or me saying that his mother was going to want to control everything about our wedding. Or how we’d act as future parents. That sort of thing. It just naturally went from vague, random comments to a definite thing that we would get engaged, marry, and eventually have kids. And so the “When do you want to get married?” conversation was natural and not forced or nerve-wracking.

So if it makes you feel more comfortable, you can feel him out with more comments that hint you definitely see yourself marrying him someday and growing old with him. BUT keep in mind that you can never know for sure what he is thinking until you actually ASK him.

Post # 6
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee

Well it’s hard for us to know 100% what he means since there’s not just one reason he’s saying these things, it could be a lot of different reason. To me, it sounds like he wants to be more serious with you and maybe talk about where the relationship is heading and he’s hoping these comments will inspire a discussion.

Post # 7
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like he is insecure about your relationship and is fishing to see if you picture a future with him.

Post # 8
Member
569 posts
Busy bee

I think he wants more of a commitment from you but he’s afraid of getting shot down again (like when he asked you to be his GF).

Post # 9
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think you are giving him mixed signals leaving him confused and he’s testing you by these comments 

Post # 10
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

With no other context, it sounds like verbal abuse and I’d disappear from his life. No joke.

Post # 11
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

Can you not just have an actual conversation with him? You keep saying a year is not that long, but I was engaged after nine months to my husband. I was 30 and he was 36, so we both knew what we wanted and had no issues talking about it. How old are you? Because this sounds like high school/college crap.

Also, the “Your parents got you for 25 years, I get you for the next 25” is really unsettling to me.

Post # 12
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

It sounds like he’s extremely insecure about your relationship and your future together and in his passive aggressive way is looking for you to re-assure him. Have you talked about your future at all?

Post # 13
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

I would just ask him what does he mean with what he is saying and if he is envisioning a future with you (were marriage is included). DH and I dated for 6 years before getting engaged, yet he asked me such things around out 1st year of dating. I was surprised at first, but it was nice to have such conversation. It doesn’t need to be too serious, but deep enough to get you both on the same page.

Post # 14
Member
13649 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I do think he’s testing the waters and that some of these things, if they are said in a joking or teasing kind of way, are his way of gauging your reaction. If you tend to come across as fiercely independent he could doubt your intentions.

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