Post # 1
My husband and I got married last New Years Eve so have been married about 3 months now.
Due to circumstances we were forced to semi-elope. However all of my husbands close friends and family made the effort to send us a congratulations wedding card, some people also gave us gifts and money towards our honeymoon.
I am feeling miffed and confused because I recently realised that quite a few of my very close friends have not even bothered to send us/give us anything.
This is also after my husband and I spent a lot of time and money sending out wedding announcement cards to all our friends, family and aquaintances. So extra disappointing that so many of my closest friends have not bothered to send us a card.
Do they not care? Could some of them be bitter and jealous that I got married and many of them are still struggling to get their boyfriends to even propose? This makes me feel so overlooked which is just adding to the pain that our wedding was ignored by my family, and also no one in my family gave us anything.
Post # 3
Maybe it’s nothing personal but they just didn’t think about it? When you elope a gift isn’t necessary and a lot of people group cards into that. And, a lot of people don’t really care about cards in the first place.
Post # 4
@ibiza1987: If many of your friends are not even engaged, they probably don’t know the etiquette/traditions. Honestly, before joining weddingbee I had a TON of family/friends who eloped and it never dawned on me to send them anything at all. I mean, I just assumed it was like a birthday- no party=no gift.
Post # 5
I doubt it’s because they are bitter or jealous. If you elope, you really can’t expect gifts from people who weren’t invited. It would have been nice of them to send a congrats card, but if they weren’t invited to the wedding, they aren’t really under any obligation to get you anything, from an etiquette standpoint. It probably just didn’t occur to them to get you anything since you didn’t have a “wedding” from their perspective. I wouldn’t take it personally.
Post # 6
@ibiza1987: I think it means that they got the announcement, put it somewhere and promptly forgot….with the holidays, the New Year and everyone running to get a jump on 2013, it’s easy to have something like that fall on the wayside…getting upset about it is not going to do any good, they aren’t making a statement, they’re just busy….
Post # 7
I wouldn’t read too much into it. I personally hate receiving cards, and only send them on a rare occasion. I would probably give a card with a wedding gift, but for a couple that eloped the thought probably wouldn’t cross my mind.
Post # 8
Anything from “They’re forgetful people” to “They don’t really believe in cards and gifts (particularly for elopements)” to “They hate you” to “It got lost in the mail.”
By itself, I wouldn’t take it as a sign of anything in particular. It doesn’t mean they’re not happy for you. If it’s one sign of many they they’re miserable that you’re married though…. then they probably are.
Post # 9
It doesn’t mean anything. I’m not sure how old you are, but we were young when we got married and got almost no cards – my friends didn’t know the etiquette and didn’t take the time to mail us a card. That doesn’t mean they weren’t excited for us! It’s not super typical now to send snail mail anyway (again, depending on how old you are).
Post # 10
I agree with PPs. They either don’t know the etiquette or that you’d care about receiving a card or gift. They may also feel that since you eloped and chose not to celebrate with family and friends as guests, that there’s really no reason or need to send a card. I’m not saying that your friends shouldn’t care, if they love you and of course should be happy for you. However, you’re basically wanting attention and are miffed that your friends didn’t acknowledge something that you never really celebrated yourself. You had every right to elope, but without the traditional ceremony and reception and overall “wedding” thing going on, less people in your life may take the time to acknowledge it.
Post # 11
@MrsWrangler: But I have seen these friends in person and they gave me nothing, so its not like they were relying on post. Also, my friends and I are not super young either – we’re late 20’s/early 30’s.
Post # 12
I think it just means they forgot or maybe don’t know that they should have if they didn’t actually attend an event. I wouldn’t take it personally.
Post # 13
@SweetWildflower1: We were actually forced to elope due to my family being nasty at worst, indifferent at best. When I say elope though, it wasn’t quite that – we still had some of my husband’s family and close friends around on the wedding day.
Also, it seems strange that all of my husbands friends/extended family/work colleagues, pretty much everyone he knows, sent us a card and/or a gift yet hardly any of mine did.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t have known to send a card in this situation… I’m not a very good card sender! I’d hate to think of any of my friends agonising over whether it meant anything!
Post # 15
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
They probably just didn’t think about it very hard, most people don’t remember to do stuff like that unless they’re actually invited to something. It sucks but I don’t think it’s a personal slight against you or anything.
Post # 16
It indicates that sending cards isn’t really their top priority. Some people like to send cards for things, some don’t. It’s becoming increasingly less popular and common, I think. I only send cards to my two best friends and to family members. I’m in your age group, and really, giving gifts without an occasion isn’t something I would have known to do.
Don’t overanalyze it! I’m sure they’re just not even aware that you’d be expecting anything, and are very happy for you!