(Closed) What does it mean?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Do you know how he feels about marriage? He may want to live together and never get married. Buying a house with you and your child in his mind means that he is serious in sharing his life with you, however that means different things to different people. I would have the talk to find out where this was going. You may be thinking he marriage and he thinks moving in is a big enough committment. Unfortunately this is something that needs to be discussed before you more any further. You don’t want to move yourself and your child into the house and then realize his intentions. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

You could always bring up the fact that you don’t want to make such a huge more without a commitment first. I know I would be a little hesistant moving in with a guy especially if there was a child involved without their being some sort of committment. What if you two break up, it will be his house.

Post # 6
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I will say that IMO, before you move in it is essential to clarify where you stand on the whole cohabitation vs marriage issue. If you are someone who is happy to just let things happen and go with the flow and truly not care then it is fine. When I was in a similar situation, i.e. my Boyfriend or Best Friend wanted me to move in, I told him I would not be comfortable living together without a timeline on engagement. I told him I would prefer to be engaged within a year of us moving in and he was fine with that.

I think sometimes it really is just better to be very clear about where things stand, that way you don’t get into a situation where you feel like you are pressuring him of he isn’t ready and you are.

Post # 7
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

Have you read any of my posts LOL!!!! Read “I’m just plain sick of it” and then tell me how you feel about moving in without a committment 🙂 I don’t mean to sound like I’m lecturing but men tend to get “to comfortable” when you move in. I don’t know the two of you but my SO and I were like a fairytale “perfect” couple and now he’s “to comfy” and there’s been no proposal. Do yourself and your son a favor and really weigh the pro’s and con’s before leaping into something. It may seem hard to fight the temptation to move in but in the long run may be well worth the wait. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Not all men get too “comfy.” although most do. Sometimes it is true that you have to discuss a timeline. My SO and i have been living together for almost two years and I told him a couple of months back that I would not be a waiting bee. So what did he do? finally go his stuff together and got me an e-ring… sometimes men need the extra push. But depending on the guy, it may back fire. You knwo your SO and you know how he is and what he wants. Talk to him but nonconfrontationally ( i dont know if this is even a word) so that you get your feelings out there before you make a BIG mistake.

I’m sure he’ll understand by the looks of how you say that he talks about marriage all on his own.

Post # 9
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I agree with pp… If living together without being married/engaged is not comfortable to you, tell him. My husband always tells me: men usually like things the way they are, so if you don’t voice your concerns, he may not even think that you need more.

I thought I was being very clear with my husband when I was telling him that I would not move in with him without a commitment. To him, “commitment” only meant that: being committed. To me, it meant getting engaged. It was only when I used those specific words that he got it. We got engaged – right there on the spot. It wasn’t because he wasn’t ready, or that he doesn’t get it when I speak; men are just like that – they can’t guess if we’re not clear…

To your SO, buying a house with you and your kid in mind shows how committed he is. If you want more, you have to be very specific. Be open with him, he’ll probably just be glad you were. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

as a waiting bee who has a child?( lives with my mom in another country,yes we are working on changing that?) i think u should set a milstone for engagement.he might actually have a closer date in mind than urs.but its best to have somthing set.

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