(Closed) what does it take to be an awesome daughter in law?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

i’d like to know the same thing!

Post # 4
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

Being myself has always worked.

Post # 5
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think there is nothing I could do to make my future mother-in-law think I’m “amazing”, but she likes me.  My fiance’s dad likes me, too.   I think this is more about personality than anything, but little things help, too.  For example, whenever we’re at her house for meals, I offer to help clean up.  Since her sons and their girlfriends/wives don’t do that, I know it goes far in her book.

Post # 6
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If I continue to make my husband happy, my Mother-In-Law is happy. When we got married, after my husband walked out of the room, she hugged me so tight and said, “Thank you for making my baby boy smile.”

It’s something that will always stick with me.

Post # 7
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Helping to clean or cook which I enjoy both with her. I dont “try” to be the best daughter in law I jsut find something we have in common and kind of stick to that. We both love baking and cooking so she shares a lot of ideas with me and I with her. I also do small things that she doesnt really know about like reminding my husband to call his parents every other week to see how they are doing. Even though I know shes thinking that I reminded him to call. She knows her son well! lol

 

Post # 8
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Make her son happy! :o) 

Post # 9
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Akbridezilla:  I don’t think I do anything specific to make my future in laws like me, but something I’ve noticed that my future mother-in-law seems to like/appreciate is the fact that I talk with her about a lot of different things.  I’ve also gone out with her one-on-one several times for meals … We even went to a yoga class together once.  I’ve also included her in some of the wedding planning stuff (including some dress shopping), and I know that meant a lot to her.  

Post # 10
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Parents always seem to like me and really, I just try to be myself but more conscious of how courteous I am. I was raised to properly greet people upon meeting, say thank you, as well as be genuinely gracious and humble. FI’s mom prbably is the most intimidating woman I know because she is very opinionated and is not afraid to speak her mind, but has told Fi he could not have picked a better partner which is the highest compliment. When in her home, I always try to help out even though she refuses a lot of times, offer to do the dishes etc. Also, because it is common in my culture, I usually (but not always) bring her something  whenever we visit – flowers, a small gift for the house, fruit, etc. Relationships with anyone go both ways.

As PP said, making Fiance happy and them seeing how happy he is is the most important 🙂

 

Post # 11
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m not a mom, but I grew up with two older brothers who married while I was still little, so I’ve had the chance to observe MIL/DIL relationships all my life. All I can say is this: different families will expect different things. Some women will really want to treat you like a daughter — this can mean both a warm relationship and/or seeing you as a kid rather than an adult. Other women will see you more as a fellow woman — more as fellow woman friends, or a mentor-mentee relationship. Other women are going to have all kinds of issues related to the fact that you are the woman in her kid’s life — “oh my God, I’m getting old!” type crazy crap.

I think the best thing to do as you’re getting to know her and to figure out who she is is to act how you would with a co-worker who outranks you, but who you’d really like to get to know. So respectful and polite, but also friendly and forthcoming. It’s hard to fail in the beginning with that combination!

Post # 12
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

When FH and I first started dating, Future Mother-In-Law preferred FH’s ex because she was the type of girl who always knew to say the right things to the right people, then would go behind your back. She was psycho, but Future Mother-In-Law didn’t know that. It took a few months of me baking things, spending time with her, and it also went far in her book that I made a cross-stitched design for her for Christmas. She also found out sometime the next year how terrible FH’s ex was, so she emotionally detached completely from the ex and now loves me! All MILs are different though. Mine has two boys and has always wanted a daughter, so she was really excited that I was a nice person that cooked and cleaned for her and treated her son well.

Post # 13
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

after my previous relationship i had given up all hope of having a tolerable mother in law. to make this short and sweet, my soon to be sister in law passed away mothers day of last year leaving behind a 3 year old daughter. she was the exact same age as i am…at her funeral my future mother in law hugged me and cried on my shoulder and said she was glad her son had found me, and please don’t ever hurt him. My future husband and i have been together for 4 years, and I can’t tell you how close his mother and i have become. i hope it never changes. mother in laws are just doing their job. being mothers. they love and care for their children like you would your own…99% of the time, don’t take it personal. i also agree with giving them a helping hand in any way possible. dishes, housework, etc, it shows you care too, and i also include her in decision conversations, if i’m thinking about buying a new……idk, front door, i show her what i like and get her opinion, and wether it affects my decision or not, that was at least 30 mins of good, no stress conversation 🙂

Post # 14
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My Future Mother-In-Law knows that I inspire her son to be the best man he can possibly be, that I support him in every way, and that I generally make him happy.

 

When Future Mother-In-Law found out that Fiance was volunteering in the 5th grade class I work in and helping me teach Sunday School every week, she was over the moon. He also eats healthier now and goes to the doctor on a regular basis. 

Post # 15
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I have four brother’s, 3 married while I was young.  I agree with what @village_skeptic said about treating her like a co-worker that outranks you.  I hadn’t really thought about it like but it fits.  Also, help clean up dinner or set the table, offer to bring things to dinner, or just grab flowers or something on the way over.  Talk to her, ask her questions.  Oh and my mother’s pet peaves …. wear a flipping bra, have table manners and participate in conversation don’t just sit there.  

Post # 16
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

i always send heartfelt thank you notes for christmas gifts, birthday gifts, or nice gestures. ALWAYS.

 

 

 

i also offer to help clean up every sunday whenever we to their house for dinner. i make an effort to remember things about FMIL’s life so I can ask her how _____ is going or how she’s feeling about whatever is going on in HER life. i send flowers when i know she’s having something major happening (a procedure or something). 

 

 

 

i also periodically email her during the week to see how her week’s been going. i also got to know her really well by inviting her to have lunch with me on random saturday afternoons (and vise versa). lunches eventually grew into full out day dates that i really enjoyed because i really got to know her and she really got to know me. i also really talked to her. i was open with her about everything…even me and FI’s relationship (to an extent) and i think she really appreciated that i didn’t just treat her like a Future Mother-In-Law but like a really trusted family member. i always offer to help with whatever they need…if they need the dogs to be picked up while they’re on vacation…feed their cat…etc…just the small stuff.

 

 

 

i think my Future Mother-In-Law just really appreciated the effort i made in including her in me and FI’s life. i didn’t want her to feel like i was just going to be FI’s girlfriend because i always knew i was going to be more than that…and in turn, she would always be more than just FI’s mom to me. and now, she’s literally one of the most important people in my life. i knew that she really felt so happy for me and Fiance after we got engaged because a day after, her and Future Father-In-Law sent me the biggest (almost embarrassing!) bouquet of flowers at work saying how happy they were to gain me as a daughter.

 

just always make an effort to be kind, be YOURSELF, be generous when you can, try to remember to be interested in their lives, and treat them with respect and love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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