(Closed) What does 'older mum' mean to you?

posted 7 months ago in Babies
Post # 16
Member
3726 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I live in the deep South, and I’m definitely one of the few left from my high school class who doesn’t have children (I’m 30). Compared to them, when I do decide to have a kid, I’ll be an old mom. Some of them already have kids in middle school. However, I don’t physcially feel any different now than I did in my early 20s, so the thought of me being “old” is mind boggling because I still feel like a kid sometimes.

Post # 17
Member
11447 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I didn’t meet my husband until I was almost 46, and I married at 47. Because I wasn’t even able to start trying until then, I was still hoping that I would be able to become a mother after I turned 50. I did not.

If I had become pregnant at that age, I definitely would have been an old mother. Instead, however, though my husband’s adult children, I became a fairly young Mimi and have amazing grandchildren. <3 

Post # 19
Member
2374 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I think this differs a lot by location. 

I’m from the midwest but me and all of my girlfriends are educated and want our own careers and want to travel before having children. I’m 26 and I only have two friends who have kids. The rest of my friends aren’t thinking kids for at least a year. I don’t have a single close girlfriend who had a child before getting married.

I think having a baby at 27-32 is probably average from where I’m from. Anything younger than that seems a bit young. Anything older than that is on the older side. But I wouldn’t say an “old” mom unless a women were maybe 40 and ttc for the first time? 

On the flipside, I know quite a few women who were pregnant at 37/38 years old with their second or third child and I didn’t find that weird at all. I think there’s a huge difference to people if it’s your first child or not even though it is the same age and there are the same risks involved. 

Post # 21
Member
11447 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

EllyAnne :  Thank you. It definitely is a very special relationship and one of the most rewarding roles I have ever had. My parents had my brother and me in the timeframe of their early 30s, and my brother didn’t have kids until he was about 40, so my parents were about 70 when they became grandparents. Since I didn’t get to have the Mommy experience, I am determined to rock the Mimi one. 🙂

Post # 22
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

sarandah :  interesting. I know at least five people who have had babies after 35 and all had healthy pregnancies and pretty straightforward deliveries.

Post # 23
Member
711 posts
Busy bee

I had my daughter at 34, shy of 35. Among my daughter’s classmates moms, I’m one of the youngest!  I’m now 38, and 31 weeks pregnant with my second. 

I live in the SF Bay Area, and all the moms around me are working professionals.. so people definitely tend to wait before trying. 

 

 

Post # 24
Member
6242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

They use numbers to determine an “older mum” or what age qualifies as “higher risk.” Just because that age is set at 35 doesn’t mean that many women in their later 30s will not have perfectly healthy babies. Nor does it mean that a woman in her 20s might not have fertility issues. But the numbers as a whole make age 35 that cut-off, generally speaking.

For example, the odds of having a child with Down’s Syndrome are about 1 in 1200 at age 25. The odds are about 1 in 350 at age 35 and 1 in 100 at age 40. That means that at age 40, you have a 99% chance of having a perfectly healthy baby, but there’s no denying that your risk is higher. Still, women in their 20s have more Down’s Syndrome babies, simply because women in their 20s have more babies overall.

I had my first at 29, which in the rural midwest is older than average. But women in my family typically do not have children until later. None of us (in recent memory) have known any great-grandparents, and grandparents are typically gone by the time a person in my family is in their mid to late teens. My oldest is 18, and my mum is 79, so I am grateful that my children will have a clear memory of her (and hopefully she will live until she’s 100), but there’s no denying she is aged at this point. 

You need to do you. Have children when and if you are ready for them, and if you don’t want certain tests, then don’t have them. You DO have a right to refuse them if you wish. As for older mums at school or on the playground, I was always pleased that I didn’t have a child at 18 or 20 because I wasn’t ready then. If people thought I was “old”, so be it, and I would take the label gladly.

Post # 25
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is simply not true. Maybe in your circle, but statistically the likelihood of  27 old woman and a 35 year old woman having a healthy pregnancy and baby are not vastly different. It’s a high probability that both women will get a healthy take home baby. Certainly the risk isn’t high enough to not try. 

 

OP, I became a mom at 39. I consider myself an older mom, but that’s normal in one of my circles. I say “one of” because the people that I grew up with popped em out before they could legally drink. My other circle which includes people I went to college with, are having them later. There have been 5 births this year alone from the people in my graduating class. Sure, I would have liked to become a mom earlier, maybe 32-35, life didn’t work out that way, and I’m grateful to have my daughter. When it comes to life in general, you get what you get and you don’t get upset. I’m making lemonade over here. Good luck on your journey. 

sarandah :  

EllyAnne :  

Post # 26
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sarandah :  “A woman having a healthy pregnancy after the age of 35/36 is an exception, not the rule.”

I have never heard this. Where did you get this factoid from?

Anyway, OP, as pp said it really varies by geographical region and other factors like religion/culture etc. I was 33 when I had my first, and dh 37. These ages are pretty average in our circle, but we live in an urban area. I grew up in the deep south in a heavily evangelical area. A lot of my friends from childhood started popping out kids in their early 20s and would probably be horrified by the idea of TTC in their mid 30s.

Post # 27
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

EllyAnne :  Socially speaking, there really isn’t an age around me that seems to trend.  I know a few people who had babies in their late teens, a small rush of babies in my early 20’s, a small rush of babies in my late 20’s and now I’m 27 it’s about 50/50 on friends and aquaintances my age having babies or not, but many who don’t are intending to have them down the track when they meet the right person or hit career/financial goals.  I also know many people who had their babies in their late 30s/early 40s.

It seems like it’s getting to the point where people really are doing what works for them as oppose to trying to follow some arbitary timelines which is great.

Medically wise, statistics are just statistics, my Nana had my uncle at 45, 50 years ago.  Personally though if I was trying after the age of 35 and it didn’t happen within 6 months I think I’d be more proactive in getting doctors involved than if I  was under 35.

As far as TOO old, I think after 45 is stretching it for Men AND Women. 

Post # 28
Member
5922 posts
Bee Keeper

While I don’t consider 35 ‘old’, I do consider it an oldER mom. I don’t think that’s always a bad or negative thing though.

Post # 29
Member
7715 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have 3 kids- I was 26, 34 and 40 when I had them. With the first two I was not “older”, at 40 I was. Even so, I conceived naturally and had a textbook pregnancy and easy vaginal delivery. “Older” doesn’t mean rare or dangerous. I disagree with a PP about healthy moms/pregnancies past 35 being the exception. That is ridiculous.i know plenty of moms in my circle who had healthy babies between 35-45. 

Post # 30
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

EllyAnne :  People look like older moms at “the school gates” when they dress like older moms, not because they are 5-10 years older

The topic ‘What does 'older mum' mean to you?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors