(Closed) What does 'older mum' mean to you?

posted 8 months ago in Babies
Post # 46
Member
9123 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

watch Adam Ruins Everything, season 2, episode 1 : Adam Ruins Babies.  It talks about how a woman’s fertility seriously declining at 35 is based on very old data.

Both my children are IVF.  I had my 1st at 34, 2nd at 36.  I do consider myself an older mom.  I mean there are women in their 20’s who have children.  My son’s preschool teacher just turned 30 and already has 5 kids. 

When I was pregnant with my 2nd, one of the OBs in the practice didn’t get IVF.  I was considered AMA but my embryos were not.  They were from when I was 33.  I happened to be seeing her around the time you get appt for the NT scan.  SHe made me see the genetic couselor.  Even the genetic counselor was like, why are you here.  Your embryo isn’t AMA.   

Post # 47
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

My mom had me at 36, and my younger sibling at 41. She was always an older mom, especially in comparison to some of our friends’ moms, but she was happy and it all worked out just fine.

I plan to start trying for kids around 27-28. Reasons for this include: I found my husband at a young age (17!), we will be financially stable (student loans all paid off) by then and possibly own a house, and I don’t want to go through some of the struggles my mom did. I want to have energy for my kids, have enough time to possibly have 4 (the amount she always wanted but grew too old to have), and I know there’ a strong possibility of fertility issues and/or miscarriage due to family history.

I live in the Midwest, so it’s not uncommon to have moms on the younger side, and starting at 27 will have me be at an average age for a first baby. 

Post # 49
Member
9325 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I guess I would say 35+ is an “older” mom, but there’s nothing wrong with that. I had my first at 31; we’re TTC again now and I’m 35. 

I see a MFM specialist for other reasons and he was like “oh you’re so YOUNG!” This guy sees like the toughest pregnancy cases so if he wasn’t worried about my age, I’m not going to either.

My mom had my brother at 39 and had a totally normal pregnancy.

Post # 50
Member
3532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 29th, 2016

EllyAnne :  For me, older parents are first timers in their 40s because the norm is 20s and 30s in my area. We are currently TTC our first child and I am in my 20s but hubby is in his 40s, so he is going to be an “older dad”. His sister and her husband conceived their first child this year at 42 and 45. Maybe as the trend becomes more common, the terminology will catch up. 

Post # 51
Member
710 posts
Busy bee

To me, I would consider 35+ for a first time mom as “older”. But as PP have said, I don’t mean “older” in a negative way. In my area (large city in the midwest), most first time moms are 27-32. I prefer to have my first at 27/28. Hubby would be 30. 

Post # 52
Member
9813 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I still find 35 a normal age to have children so “older” mom to me would be more like 38+. I would say under 25 is young.  25-37 just seems more “standard” to me.

I live in the midwest and I would assume the average is around 25 years old for first time mom.  It really depends on where you live exactly (city/suburbs vs. rural) and your economic background.  For my group of friends, around 30 is about when most had their first children (give or take).  In the rural area where my husband is from it is probably quite a bit lower.

I had my first at 29 (2 months shy of 30) and my second at 32.  My mom had me at 31 and twins at 35 (much more unusual for someone that got married at 24 in the 70s to wait until 31 to have their first).

Post # 55
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

The average age in my area would probably be late 20’s, early 30’s. 

I would say 35+ in my area would be considered an “older” mom (nothing wrong with it clearly). 40+ is pretty unheard of where I live, I don’t think i’ve known or heard of anyone personally who has had a kiddo past 40. 

I had my son at 22 (young mom), and will have my 2nd at 27 (probably average in my area). 

Post # 56
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s all relative. There was a time when a woman in her mid to late twenties was considered an “older” mother particularly if it was first baby. 

People also have their own perception of what an older mother is normally based on their personal experience i.e. I’ve noticed women who had babies in their twenties tend to refer to mothers in their 30’s as older. 

I’m also pretty sure I read somewhere that the medical age for older first time mum is going to pushed to 40+ but don’t ask me for a quote on that because I can’t remember where I read it !

Post # 57
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

In your 40s starting out. 

I don’t think anyone is getting old till mid 60s personally. But I think of it more of how old you will be by the time they are moving out. 

I wasn’t planned but I am freshly 30 and my mom 49 and dad freshly 50. So that might be why I feel its an older mom if starting out in your 40s… when my parents are just now leaving theirs. *Shrug*.

I HOPE to start soon and be done before 35. But not everything goes as planned.  

Post # 58
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

I’m in the camp that 35+ is an “older” mom. I don’t know if it’s because my mother was finished having all 3 kids by 28, but that’s just how I feel. To be honest, it really stresses me out because I’m very much a fence sitter and creeping up on my 30th birthday, and I DON’T want to be an old mom. Ideally, if I 100% knew I wanted a child, I would have it by 33, but with that number right around the corner and the fact that I can’t seem to be swayed into a decision, I don’t see that happening. I feel like if I haven’t made a decision by 35, then it’s a sign I’m not ever meant to get pregnant. If we change our mind and desperately want a child after that age, we’ll look more seriously into adoption (which we’re still considering even before 35 anyhow since I just don’t know if pregnancy is something I can mentally and emotionally handle).

Post # 59
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I think some people don’t want to admit that pregnancy complications can arise after a certain age. Just because everyone in your social circle gets pregnant after the age of 35 doesn’t mean that it’s always the right thing to do. Some people will be considered high risk at that age.

Has pregnancy become something that is only acceptable when everyone else is trying? 

 

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