(Closed) What does 'older mum' mean to you?

posted 8 months ago in Babies
Post # 61
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

sarandah : “I think some people don’t want to admit that pregnancy complications can arise after a certain age.”

Don’t blame other people for your original bullshit statement. Of course certain pregnancy risks go up as you get older. No one takes issue with that, as a concept. It’s a spectrum, where 30 has more risks than 25, and 35 has more risks than 30, etc. But none of that is what you actually said, and it certainly isn’t what multiple bees have called you out for.

What you said was that a healthy pregnancy after 35 was the exception rather than the rule.

That’s completely false and honestly a horrible thing to say.

Post # 63
Member
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sarandah…you’re way backpedaling. There is a huge difference between saying advanced maternal age is linked to more risks of pregnancy complications (something that is objectively true and widely accepted) and your original assertion that “a healthy pregnancy after 35 is the exception rather than the rule.” It is also bizarre that you seem to think peer pressure is the reason many women are having children later in life…again, where do you get your info??

You seem willfully misinformed on many counts and like you have a strange vendetta against “older” moms? 🤷‍♀️ Idk what that’s about but wishing you peace and contentment. 

Post # 64
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@tiffanybruiser

I don’t have any vendetta against older moms. What I’ve noticed in general is that people typically don’t get engaged and get married and have kids unless everyone is doing it.

Everyone seems to be fine moseying along, not getting married or having kids, until “holy shit, three of my friends got engaged, are you ever going to marry me? We’ve been together for four years and people who have been in relationships for two years are already getting married!” 

It’s the same thing with having kids. You bet if no one in your social circle and demographic are having kids in their twenties, you won’t be thinking about it as much. 

Post # 65
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

EllyAnne :  I consider “around or over 40” around the time of birth to be an “older Mom”.

Post # 66
Member
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sarandah :  You’re all over the place. In some circles the norm is to get married and have kids in your early 20s, while in others its mid or late 30s. You have 23 year olds who get pregnant because that’s what everyone else is doing, and you have 38 year olds who would have loved to be pregnant a decade sooner but it wasn’t in the cards because they didn’t happen to meet their spouse until “later in life,” or because they prioritized their career, or any other number of factors that have nothing to do with “what everyone else is doing.” And vice versa, and everything in between.

What does any of that have to do with your  original assertion that healthy pregnancy after 35 is the exception to the rule? Do you admit you made that shit up?

Post # 68
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

sarandah :  Everyone around me was getting married and engaged and pregnant for almost a decade while I chose to not partake in similar events. I could have gotten married a handful of times or easily knocked up. But I didn’t want to… I went ahead and assumed none of that was for me. Till I met my SO. He unintentionally made me want to get married and have kids. Just turned 30… Shit happens and I am so glad I didn’t settle with anyone or anything within that time. Or follow the trend you made up. I have to have kids when I can and it wasn’t best before 30.

Post # 69
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

EllyAnne :  I understand that most people would not be thinking of having kids at all in their early twenties. Many would prefer to travel first and get settled in their careers before settling down and having kids. 

I’ve seen many higher risk pregnancies after the age of 35. My mother had pre-eclampsia when she got pregnant with my sister at age 35, and an aunt of mine had awful pregnancies at 39 and 40. Another mom I know got pregnant at 40, and her child has autism. Many women have healthy babies and pregnancies after the age of 35, but many don’t. Birth defects DO increase as you get older. I find that they are more common than what people would like to think. 

So I’m sorry if I offended people with my comments. 

Post # 70
Member
2270 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Considering I had my first at age 45 (last June) I won’t use the term “older mom.” I understand that I am one but I truly believe that older parents have advantages. We don’t feel like we are missing out on anything and are typically in a better financial and emotional state to have children. We aren’t even that tired because we have a happy baby boy who is a good sleeper. Strangely enough I am not against having another and have been told its possible by the docs but since we had to go through IVF to have our first I am sure it is a long shot. I met my husband later in life and got married later in life. It’s not how I wanted it but it is how things turned out. I get angry when “older moms’ are shot down because we aren’t all so lucky as to get an early start in life. The doctors never made me feel bad or dubbed me as AMA when I was pregnant although I know I was. Luckily I know other older moms so have a good strong support system. 

Post # 71
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

konablend :  I’m glad that getting married at around 30 was right for you.

A quick look at this forum and you’d know I’m not making anything up about social trends. How many threads do you see where the woman is fed-up, talks about how they’ve been dating for 5 years with no proposal and getting upset that people who have been dating for a shorter amount of time are already married? 

Post # 72
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

sarandah :  What I have learned is that it is also way more common for people to come foward about their negative experiences than their positives. Forums do not show the whole picture. This is not a place to find “social trends”. So of course this place would be more laden with those types of stories than the many positive ones I have seen in person over a decade. Unless someone was a pompous… why would they come on here to tell everyone how wonderful life has been for them? How they had every step of life unfold perfectly? What advice can that person really take other than stop being showoffish? Lol.

The social trends I saw were offline and I didn’t follow those. That was what I meant.

Post # 74
Member
6061 posts
Bee Keeper

Sarandah is also the person who judges someone for breaking off an engagement because they “don’t take commitment seriously enough”. So really OP, I wouldn’t put much stock in what she has to say…

Post # 75
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

jellybellynelly :  Well, yes, I do judge if someone breaks off an engagement UNLESS it’s broken off due to cheating/lying/abuse. I hate flip-flappy, wishy-washy behavior. Some people think that your fiancé has to be absolutely perfect and have no flaws and if you find ANY flaw, then break it off when you’re engaged, but try to work it out when you’re married. So basically, run away from people until you can’t.

In this day and age where people are living with each prior to marriage, and date for more than 1 year, and have plenty of dating experience, I have a hard time believing that every broken engagement was a good choice. I’m sure that many people with broken engagements aren’t breaking it off because the guy is an asshole, but because of stupid fights. There are other alternatives to breaking off an engagement. But no, people would rather dodge and run away from any challenges they may face. 

It’s no wonder that a “long term marriage” is considered 7 years at least. 

The topic ‘What does 'older mum' mean to you?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors