Post # 1
I would like to hear your thoughts on what it means to you to be ready for marriage! I’ve seen many posts about “I thought I was ready when I was younger but I didn’t realize what that meant until I was older” and I’m curious about how you knew you were ready for marriage.
Also if you wouldn’t mind adding how old you were when you got engaged and then married that would be awesome!
Post # 2
I knew I was ready for marriage when I realized that if something happened that sped up our timeline, I’d have no hesitation to marry him tomorrow in a rushed and slapped together city hall ceremony. When I realized that I had already long considered him my life partner and that marriage wasn’t some thing in the future I was pretty sure I wanted – it was something in already committed to.
ETA: We were both 32 when we got engaged. Will be 34 when we marry. Met when we were 28. Were together about 3.5 years when we got engaged, living together for over 2.
Post # 3
I got engaged when I was 27 and married when I was 28. I’ll be 31 next month. My husband is a little under 2 years older. I think not having rose colored glasses is pretty much the biggest requirement for being “ready”. If you have the right attitude (marriage is a commitment, a learning experience, and a journey for the both of you that requires good and consistent communication/compromise), aren’t phased by the idea of rough patches, and put little stock in the greener grass growing elsewhere, you are probably ready. Make sure you find a partner who is equally ready. We have really good attitudes, settle issues quickly, and verbalize/show appreciation/affection readily.
I met my husband at the end of August, moved in in October, got engaged in December, and married in January. I knew that I was ready because I had already been in long term relationships and lived with two of my exes. I knew that that was what I wanted. My husband was very vocal about wanting the same thing. We had serious talks early and really focused on any expectations (cohabitation, kids, religion, politics, family, holidays, money, cooking, cleaning, retirement, travel, consumerism, leisure time, time spent apart, etc.). We are very similar people and it just clicked. I believed my husband when he said he was ready. I had severe medical issues right after we were married and had to quit my job the week before we closed on our house. Things were really beyond horrible for about 6 months and my husband was the most supportive awesome thing ever. I guess that was a really good test for us. Since thing, everything else has been easy in comparison. Our son is 15 months old and I can honestly say he has not added any stress to our marriage.
Post # 4
When you’ve had time to get to know your SO’s flaws and are willing to look past them and also work on each other’s flaws together. Also as another said, when you are so set on being with them that youd get married at city hall. Most of all just feeling comfortable and safe with each other. We are planning on getting married within 1.5-2 years so I’ll be 24-25 when we marry.
Post # 5
For me, the first hurdle was just being in the right mindset to stay committed to someone and to understand how to have a healthy relationship and pick a partner who I’m compatible with. Up until about age 22 or 23, I knew I was not ready for marriage, because I just wanted to date around and I could not stay committed to people long-term. I had wandering eyes, I’d get bored of people easily, I’d cheat on my significant others when problems started to arise. I think part of the problem was that in trying to be open-minded and not write people off right away, I was picking partners who I just wasn’t that compatible with, and that made those relationships more difficult. It wasn’t wasted time though, because I learned a lot during that phase of my life about what I wanted in a partner, how to be more picky about choosing a partner, what were dealbreakers for me, how to communicate better in a relationship and have a healthy relationship, etc.
Then after that, with regards to a relationship with a specific person, I think there are two parts as to whether that relationship is ready for marriage. First is on an emotional level — do I feel strongly enough about this person that I can’t be without them? Am I confident that I will be able to stay committed to them long-term? Second is on a practical level — can we support ourselves as an independent family unit?
The second part is more important than we often think it is. I had to end my last relationship because while I felt we were emotionally ready for marriage, my ex was unable to hold down a job long-term, so we were unable to support ourselves financially and afford to live together. His trouble with managing money and handling responsibility raised concerns about what our future together would look like.
With my fiance now, we definitely have a strong emotional connection, but we’re also able to live together and support ourselves financially, so we can really build and share a life together. We got engaged when he proposed to me for my 30th birthday; I’m now 31, and will still be this age when we get married in 7 months. (I will add that I started really actively wanting marriage more around age 27-28, so that was the age that I definitely felt ready, but I was still with my ex at that point. But I think that increased desire was what spurred me to break off a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere so that I could find a relationship that would better meet my needs.)
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
I see alot of these posts also. Alot come from Bee’s who want to be engaged and don’t understand why their SO isn’t ready, or their SO hasn’t brought up enagagemnt yet ( and it’s only been 1 1/2 ). My first marriage I was 19 that lasted almost 29 years. I kind of knew all my young life that I wante to be a wife and a mom. So I made it last. I put up with alot ( that’s a whole other story) and so did he. But this marriage is definatly a differant kind of engagment. We are diffanatly made for each other. Like peanut butter and jelly. It took awhile to find him, but it was so worth it. We arn’t rushing things. This will be his first marriage. He is 7 years younger than me, but he has an old soul. I am 48 and he 41. I am a seasoned bride lol. When you can find a soulmate that you can whole heartally trust, love, embrace, talk and even bicker with that my friend is a true relationship. When you both can still learn from eachother and love to learn differant quirky things that make those little butterflies flutter that’s true love. I think it’s important that some of these bee’s understand that. And don’t rush into the marriage thing. But they have their mind set and it scares me. They don’t understand that their partner may have a differant path. The path my not be the same as their’s right now as far as being engaged and they don’t get it. I think their are alot of qualities that go into having a good partnership when it comes to marriage.
Post # 7
i was ready for marriage after 5 years of dating i didnt want to waste anymore time being his girlfriend. i had one very serious conversation about our next steps in our relationship and after that maybe like 5 more conversations about him following through. its not the correct step for everyone to pressure thier man, but i didnt live with him so it was easier to convince him w my wife duties. it wasnt until after i found the bee and reading a ton a waiting posts i can say am loved and respected enough he wanted to make me happy asap and he knew i was the one. the process took about 3 months beofe he proposed and we got married a month later. we knew we didnt want a wedding we were also financially stable to move in togther and continue to travel. we were 24 and 25 yrs old.
its seems a lot harder when you already live with the guy.
Post # 8
The first time I got married, I was in my early 20s. I didn’t know what I was getting into, even though I had the best intentions. I didn’t know what it truly meant to compromise and I was selfish. I had met a “normal” guy and thought that meant I could make that work. Wrong!
so I’m married again, in my late 30s. There was something very different about how I approached this whole situation. My rose colored glasses fell off a long time ago. I have a stronger appreciation for all the little things he does for me. I was able to enter this relationship with a more mature attitude and I’m more reasonable and patient than when I was young. I also know who I am now, I’m comfortable with myself. I didn’t have that in my early 20s
Post # 9
My husband and I were 18 when we started dating and dated for 8 years before getting married. Who were were at 18 and who we were at 26 when we got married were not the same people. What we wanted out of life at 18 wasn’t the same as when we were 26. We were lucky enough to grow together rather than apart as so many young couples do. It made sense to wait until we were at least out of our early 20s, had time to live on our own, grow as people, mature. We also wanted to finish school and be finacnially independent before getting married.
Post # 10
It means different things to different people. Some are happy to start out together with nothing, others want to be financially secure, or comfortable in their career or something else. There are no wrong answers.
For me the right person was all that mattered. I felt ready to marry dh when I saw my future with him. I was 27 and he was 31 when we wed. We were engaged when I was 23 and only waited so long due to finances.
It is popular in my circles that people are happy to cohabitate long term until they feel ready for children, then they get married and pregnant just before or straight after.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana
I think “ready” isn’t necessarily a statement about your relationship but about yourself. Being ready to me means that I’ve had time to mature, be selfish and pursue my individual goals. I’ve had time to become the best me. Being married means being to put someone else’s needs and dreams before my own.
Ready to marry means I’ve lived on my own, I know I can be self sufficient, finanaces in order and on the same page about goals with my SO. Career, Stay-At-Home Mom, etc.
Post # 12
Thanks for your stories. I want to be clear about why I’m asking because I feel like some people have the wrong idea.
Backstory: I am 24 (25 in one month) and have been living with my boyfriend for 1 year. We met when I had just turned 23 (so we’ve been together almost 2 years. Before him I never thought I would get married. I had never liked anyone enough. I was very flighty, I would like someone, they would like me, all of a sudden I’ve completely lost interest, or gotten bored, or they said the wrong thing and I never talked to them again. It sounds bad but I just never cared about anyone. I used to worry that I would never feel love the way other people seem to. Because of this I didn’t think marriage was in my future and never considered it, or a family. All I wanted to do was travel. Unfortunately I never traveled because I was too anxious to do it alone. Before my SO my longest relationship was 4 months and that was torture for me. Skip ahead and boom we meet, I remember the first time I saw him I was so attracted to him which was really rare for me. He stops me in the hall the next day and asks for my number and we hit it off right away. After a couple of weeks we’re spending nights together, days together, talking on the phone anytime we’re apart and after about 2 months he is basically living at my house with me and my mom. I find out he’s exactly like me, flighty, gets bored, very intelligent , never really been in a relationship, and we just connect in a way neither of us has ever connected to anyone else before. Skip ahead a few months and we start talking about living together (my mom got sick of us, fair) and then we move in. We had never fought before that, we move in everything is good, we start fighting a bit and learn each others communication styles and what we need to do to listen to understand. We start loving each other more, trusting each other more, and spending all of our tome together. We never want to be apart, we never get bored of each other.
We are always trying to work on ourselves and our relationship to make it stronger. We want the best for each other, we support each other fully yet challenge each other so that we are always growing. Honestly we feel like perfect fits. We both want to be together forever, neither of us has any interest in ever dating again, we are willing to put the work in to make sure this lasts! We appreciate each other, are not rich but are financially stable and good with our money. We have the same dreams and we love each other indescribably.
I know for a fact he bought me a ring and is going to propose. The thought of that makes me so happy because I would’ve been happy just being his girlfriend forever, I don’t believe marriage should change the relationship at all, if you’re committed you’re committed. I have no reservations about him at all other than, what if I’m just naive? It feels right, we both work hard at this and love and trust each other explicitly. But what if we’re just young and dumb and don’t know anything? From what everyone has said I honestly feel that we fit the “criteria” and I know he doesn’t question it at all but my fear is “is this how everyone is, and thinks before they get married and the end up divorced?”
Thats why I made the post.
Post # 13
I go through bouts of “I am ready” to “Am I ready?” Lol!
I had a sh*tty one already.
And then I thought I finally met ‘the one’ but that ended badly. He was sketchy.
So in my mind right now I feel like I am not ready and no way will I ever want to get married. It’s not for me, etc. etc.
But I would like to hear what other Bees have to say on how they found out that they were ready for the right guy.
Post # 14
Engaged at 27, married at 28 but had been together since I was 19. I knew I was ready when i had ticked off alot of personal goals and had a mental shift from ‘this is what i want to do/achieve’ to thinking what are our family goals/goals as a couple. I had a real desire to be a family unit. We were both financially stable individually. Emotional maturity is extremely important too. Petty fights about silly stuff were left behind in our early 20s. We were both at a point where we could see the bigger picture I guess, and value each others’ happiness above all else.
Post # 15
I was 45 when I got married. We had been together for over 20 years. Neither of us had wanted marriage for a long time. My husband had a previous marriage. I had witnessed a lot of people get married and then divorced. We told ourselves that we didn’t have to be married to have a commitment.
We finally decided to marry. I was still nervous. It’s perfectly normal to be anxious and I think some of it is well-founded. It is a very serious thing! I think my husband was more sure of the decision than I was.
I’m now very glad that we got married. How did we know we were ready? I think it just felt like the right time.