What does “ready for marriage” mean to you?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
2972 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I knew I was ready for marriage when I realized that if something happened that sped up our timeline, I’d have no hesitation to marry him tomorrow in a rushed and slapped together city hall ceremony. When I realized that I had already long considered him my life partner and that marriage wasn’t some thing in the future I was pretty sure I wanted – it was something in already committed to. 

ETA: We were both 32 when we got engaged. Will be 34 when we marry. Met when we were 28. Were together about 3.5 years when we got engaged, living together for over 2. 

Post # 3
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I got engaged when I was 27 and married when I was 28. I’ll be 31 next month. My husband is a little under 2 years older. I think not having rose colored glasses is pretty much the biggest requirement for being “ready”. If you have the right attitude (marriage is a commitment, a learning experience, and a journey for the both of you that requires good and consistent communication/compromise), aren’t phased by the idea of rough patches, and put little stock in the greener grass growing elsewhere, you are probably ready. Make sure you find a partner who is equally ready. We have really good attitudes, settle issues quickly, and verbalize/show appreciation/affection readily. 

I met my husband at the end of August, moved in in October, got engaged in December, and married in January. I knew that I was ready because I had already been in long term relationships and lived with two of my exes. I knew that that was what I wanted. My husband was very vocal about wanting the same thing. We had serious talks early and really focused on any expectations (cohabitation, kids, religion, politics, family, holidays, money, cooking, cleaning, retirement, travel, consumerism, leisure time, time spent apart, etc.). We are very similar people and it just clicked. I believed my husband when he said he was ready. I had severe medical issues right after we were married and had to quit my job the week before we closed on our house. Things were really beyond horrible for about 6 months and my husband was the most supportive awesome thing ever. I guess that was a really good test for us. Since thing, everything else has been easy in comparison. Our son is 15 months old and I can honestly say he has not added any stress to our marriage.

Post # 4
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

When you’ve had time to get to know your SO’s flaws and are willing to look past them and also work on each other’s flaws together. Also as another said, when you are so set on being with them that youd get married at city hall. Most of all just feeling comfortable and safe with each other. We are planning on getting married within 1.5-2 years so I’ll be 24-25 when we marry.

Post # 5
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

For me, the first hurdle was just being in the right mindset to stay committed to someone and to understand how to have a healthy relationship and pick a partner who I’m compatible with. Up until about age 22 or 23, I knew I was not ready for marriage, because I just wanted to date around and I could not stay committed to people long-term. I had wandering eyes, I’d get bored of people easily, I’d cheat on my significant others when problems started to arise. I think part of the problem was that in trying to be open-minded and not write people off right away, I was picking partners who I just wasn’t that compatible with, and that made those relationships more difficult. It wasn’t wasted time though, because I learned a lot during that phase of my life about what I wanted in a partner, how to be more picky about choosing a partner, what were dealbreakers for me, how to communicate better in a relationship and have a healthy relationship, etc. 

Then after that, with regards to a relationship with a specific person, I think there are two parts as to whether that relationship is ready for marriage. First is on an emotional level — do I feel strongly enough about this person that I can’t be without them? Am I confident that I will be able to stay committed to them long-term? Second is on a practical level — can we support ourselves as an independent family unit?

The second part is more important than we often think it is. I had to end my last relationship because while I felt we were emotionally ready for marriage, my ex was unable to hold down a job long-term, so we were unable to support ourselves financially and afford to live together. His trouble with managing money and handling responsibility raised concerns about what our future together would look like. 

With my fiance now, we definitely have a strong emotional connection, but we’re also able to live together and support ourselves financially, so we can really build and share a life together. We got engaged when he proposed to me for my 30th birthday; I’m now 31, and will still be this age when we get married in 7 months. (I will add that I started really actively wanting marriage more around age 27-28, so that was the age that I definitely felt ready, but I was still with my ex at that point. But I think that increased desire was what spurred me to break off a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere so that I could find a relationship that would better meet my needs.) 

Post # 6
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I see alot of these posts also. Alot come from Bee’s who want to be engaged and don’t understand why their SO isn’t ready, or their SO hasn’t brought up enagagemnt yet ( and it’s only been 1 1/2 ). My first marriage I was 19 that lasted almost 29 years. I kind of knew all my young life that I wante to be a wife and a mom. So I made it last. I put up with alot ( that’s a whole other story) and so did he. But this marriage is definatly a differant kind of engagment. We are diffanatly made for each other. Like peanut butter and jelly. It took awhile to find him, but it was so worth it. We arn’t rushing things. This will be his first marriage. He is 7 years younger than me, but he has an old soul. I am 48 and he 41. I am a seasoned bride lol. When you can find a soulmate that you can whole heartally trust, love, embrace, talk and even bicker with that my friend is a true relationship. When you both can still learn from eachother and love to learn differant quirky things that make those little butterflies flutter that’s true love. I think it’s important that some of these bee’s understand that. And don’t rush into the marriage thing. But they have their mind set and it scares me. They don’t understand that their partner may have a differant path. The path my not be the same as their’s right now as far as being engaged and they don’t get it. I think their are alot of qualities that go into having a good partnership when it comes to marriage.

Post # 7
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

i was ready for marriage after 5 years of dating i didnt want to waste anymore time being his girlfriend. i had one very serious conversation about our next steps in our relationship and after that maybe like 5 more conversations about him following through. its not the correct step for everyone to pressure thier man, but i didnt live with him so it was easier to convince him w my wife duties. it wasnt until after i found the bee and reading a ton a waiting posts i can say am loved and respected enough he wanted to make me happy asap and he knew i was the one. the process took about 3 months beofe he proposed and we got married a month later. we knew we didnt want a wedding  we were also financially stable to move in togther  and continue to travel. we were 24 and 25 yrs old. 

its seems a lot harder when you already live with the guy. 

Post # 8
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

The first time I got married, I was in my early 20s. I didn’t know what I was getting into, even though I had the best intentions. I didn’t know what it truly meant to compromise and I was selfish. I had met a “normal” guy and thought that meant I could make that work. Wrong!

so I’m married again, in my late 30s. There was something very different about how I approached this whole situation. My rose colored glasses fell off a long time ago. I have a stronger appreciation for all the little things he does for me. I was able to enter this relationship with a more mature attitude and I’m more reasonable and patient than when I was young. I also know who I am now, I’m comfortable with myself. I didn’t have that in my early 20s 

View original reply
lauraspencer :  

Post # 9
Member
10328 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My husband and I were 18 when we started dating and dated for 8 years before getting married. Who were were at 18 and who we were at 26 when we got married were not the same people. What we wanted out of life at 18 wasn’t the same as when we were 26. We were lucky enough to grow together rather than apart as so many young couples do. It made sense to wait until we were at least out of our early 20s, had time to live on our own, grow as people, mature. We also wanted to finish school and be finacnially independent before getting married.

Post # 10
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
lauraspencer :  It means different things to different people.  Some are happy to start out together with nothing, others want to be financially secure, or comfortable in their career or something else.  There are no wrong answers.

For me the right person was all that mattered.  I felt ready to marry dh when I saw my future with him.  I was 27 and he was 31 when we wed.  We were engaged when I was 23 and only waited so long due to finances.

It is popular in my circles that people are happy to cohabitate long term until they feel ready for children, then they get married and pregnant just before or straight after.

Post # 11
Member
1665 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

I think “ready” isn’t necessarily a statement about your relationship but about yourself.  Being ready to me means that I’ve had time to mature, be selfish and pursue my individual goals. I’ve had time to become the best me.  Being married means being to put someone else’s needs and dreams before my own.  

Ready to marry means I’ve lived on my own, I know I can be self sufficient, finanaces in order and on the same page about goals with my SO. Career, Stay-At-Home Mom, etc.  

Post # 13
Member
758 posts
Busy bee

 

I go through bouts of “I am ready” to “Am I ready?” Lol!

I had a sh*tty one already. 

And then I thought I finally met ‘the one’ but that ended badly. He was sketchy.

So in my mind right now I feel like I am not ready and no way will I ever want to get married. It’s not for me, etc. etc.

But I would like to hear what other Bees have to say on how they found out that they were ready for the right guy.

Post # 14
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee

Engaged at 27, married at 28 but had been together since I was 19. I knew I was ready when i had ticked off alot of personal goals and had a mental shift from ‘this is what i want to do/achieve’ to thinking what are our family goals/goals as a couple. I had a real desire to be a family unit. We were both financially stable individually. Emotional maturity is extremely important too. Petty fights about silly stuff were left behind in our early 20s. We were both at a point where we could see the bigger picture I guess, and value each others’ happiness above all else. 

Post # 15
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I was 45 when I got married. We had been together for over 20 years. Neither of us had wanted marriage for a long time. My husband had a previous marriage. I had witnessed a lot of people get married and then divorced. We told ourselves that we didn’t have to be married to have a commitment.

We finally decided to marry. I was still nervous. It’s perfectly normal to be anxious and I think some of it is well-founded. It is a very serious thing! I think my husband was more sure of the decision than I was.

I’m now very glad that we got married. How did we know we were ready? I think it just felt like the right time. 

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