Post # 1
I have a question for the brides out there… my boyfriend (of 7 years) and I recently received an invitation to his cousin’s wedding. Some background facts:
- His cousin is the groom
- I’ve never met bride nor groom
- I only just met the groom’s parents for the first time; it was about 6 months ago at another family wedding
- In the time that my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together, he has seen this cousin once. (We live in different states.)
So… we’re not really close to this part of the family. So this isn’t a situation where we could pick up the phone and say, "Here’s the deal, what do you want us to do?"
On the RSVP card, the meal options are steak, chicken, or shrimp. I’ve been vegetarian for 10 years. (And I’ve never been in this situation before.) Usually at such functions I can make a meal out of veggie and potato/pasta sides. I’m not terribly difficult to please and I try to make my vegetarianism not be a burden to friends/family/hosts.
However, I’m stuck here. What do I do? Add a check box that says "Vegetarian" on the card? That seems kind of tacky and presumptive. Send it through the family grapevine (i.e. ask boyfriend’s mom to mention to groom’s mom next time they speak)? But that doesn’t seem the right route to go.
Help, hive!! If you were this bride, what would you want me to put on the RSVP?
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2007 - Bride's family summer home in the Adirondacks
As a long time vegetarian, I have luckily never encountered that either! I think your best route is to not check anything and simultaneously get the grapevine working. Hopefully either the moms will communicate it, or else when they receive the choice-less rsvp they’ll think to ask. The worst thing that can happen is they’ll just arbitrarily pick a meat dish for you, and you can make due with salad/sides. In all my years as a vegetarian I’ve never met anyone hosting an event who hasn’t wanted to feed me in a way that will make me happy, so I bet they just didn’t realize they were inviting any vegetarians and didn’t think to include the option. Good luck!!
Post # 4
When we were going to have a plated meal we were planning on a silent vegetarian option. So absolutely write a short note letting them know you are vegetarian. In no way would I consider that rude or presumptious. Most likely the caterer will have some vegetarian meals available.
Post # 5
I’m not sure I’d rely on the grapevine to get the message through, chances are they’ll be busy with other wedding-related issues.
I would do a "write-in" and simply state "A vegitarian meal is kindly requested." You don’t want to be starving and you’ll need something to absorb your drinks later or there could be some disasterous moves on the dance floor!
Post # 6
Check the “chicken” box, and then write a note next to it that says, “Actually I am a vegetarian. I would prefer a veggie entree if possible, but if not, I will eat the sides off the chicken entree.” This way if there’s a veggie entree you’ve politely requested one, and if there’s not, you’ve chosen the cheapest meal option (chicken is cheaper than steak or shrimp) off of which to eat the salad and sides.
Post # 8
chelsea definitely has a great plan – it makes it known that you are veg, so if there are options, you can avail yourself. at the same time, it lets the bride know you’re flexible in case there isn’t a veg option.
Post # 9
I think racheljo and chelsea both have great ideas. I only put a vegetarian choice on mine because my fsil is a vegetarian, otherwise we were going to do beef, chicken, and fish and just let the vegetarians request a veggie meal; that is how it has always been done in my family.
Post # 10
yep go with Chelsea’s suggestion. Most caterer’s will create a veggie entre even if it’s not one of the 3 meals the couple chose. I’m sure they didn’t make the choices purposely to offend you 🙂 And they won’t be offended with that response 🙂 For those of us who aren’t vegetarians – it doesn’t always cross our minds 🙂
Also – make sure you throw a granola bar or two in your purse (or other snack) just in case. Ha I do this even if I know I’m going to like the food – cause I’m always hungry!
Post # 11
I have to disagree with Chelsea. As a veggie for 18 years, I would never check off an meat or pultry option. This will confuse the bride and groom and make the whole thing a mess. There is always a veggie option and it is common understanding. Just be clear and upfront. I always just add a side note to the RSVP card and my email (if I am not familiar with the bride) so that she can email me if there is an issue. You just need to give them enough time to plan and everyhting should be okay.
Post # 12
I agree with mleeeee, checking the meat option might confuse the bride! Especially since when I tell some people I am a vegetarian they reply with, "well, you still eat chicken and fish, right?" Some people are confused about what it really means to be a vegetarian, so I would really avoid trying to make it even more confusing.
I’ve never been in this situation, but I feel for you! I would write a sweet note explaining that you are a vegetarian. You can even mention that you would be more than happy to fill up on the side dishes and that they don’t need to go out of their way to request a special meal.. whatever is easiest for them and the caterer.
Hopefully, everything will be fine. I know it’s hard when you’re not an outspoken vegetarian.. I never want to put out my family or friends, but more often than not I find that they are thrilled to accommodate my fiance and I with delicious veggie food. 🙂
Post # 13
I think Chelsea’s suggested a great idea. She specificically indicates that she would write, "I’m vegetarian but I will eat the sides off the chicken meal if there is not veg option available." Easy. As a bride working through RSVPs and menu requests, I doubt that would throw me off in the least.
Rest assured though, it’s not uncommon for caterers to have a few vegetarian meals on hand, just in case they’ll need it and weren’t made aware of it before hand.
Post # 14
Thanks so much for the great suggestions, you guys! I’ll take another look at exactly how the card is formatted, take into consideration your suggestions, and decide what to do from there.
But I’ll definitely include a little note. Stupidly, that hadn’t really occured to me to do. I’m one of those who doesn’t color outside the lines–or in this case, the checkboxes. 🙂 So anyway, I’ll definitely put in a little note explaining the situation and emphasizing that I certainly don’t want them to go out of the way for me when there’s so many other things to think about that day!!!
Post # 15
Chelsea’s suggestion would work for vegetarians who are OKAY with eating dishes in contact with meat or don’t mind having accidental pieces of chicken in their food. However, not all vegetarians are okay with that. I agree with racheljo’s suggestion of simply stating, “A vegetarian meal is kindly requested.”
Post # 16
I’m a vegetarian, and even with those silly RSVP cards, have ALWAYS been able to say to the server “no matter what I checked, can you just load a bunch of veggie sides on my plate” and have NEVER had it be awkward or a problem. I’m sure any caterer is prepared.
At my wedding, there is a “Silent” vegetarian option. I’m not having an RSVP meal-choice…when guests arrive they choose between two meat-ish meals….but any vegetarian (like me) who speaks up, gets whatever they want. I also worked for a caterer —- they have TONS of options back there for you.
In the case of that card, though – write whatever you’re comfy with. If you’re comfy writing “vegetarian”, or “whatever choice has the biggest veggie sides”, do so. IF you’re not, check something (chicken?), and when you get there, ask the server to ditch the chicken for extra sides/rolls/salad. It’s never a prob.