- 11 years ago
- Wedding: December 2011
Just throwing this out here to get a little advice. Sorry if is this long!
I know everyone eventually has those moments where you think, “Gosh, I love my BF so much and I am so happy… BUT…” Well, here’s my but:
I met my BF in the winter of ’05, but the summer before we met, I was seeing this guy who I had met online the year before, but finally gave in to meeting him. He wasn’t my ideal and that’s why I put off meeting him in person for so long, but (to be very frank) he was amazing in bed so I justified seeing him on a regular basis. So we had an almost purely physical relationship for about 2 months. We went on a a couple of formal dates, but we didn’t necessarily have much in common besides, well… sex. As we began to spend more time together, though, I was at a point in my life where I just wanted to be with someone and I was willing to settle and maybe give into dating him in the longer term. But he ended up making that decision for me by not returning my calls after about the 2 month mark (something that had happened to me in a previous dating experience), and naturally, I got really upset and angry, and I wrote him off. Fast forward to now. I am still with my same BF four years later. We live together. We’ve only recently talked about getting engaged, married, the whole nine, but earlier this year I started getting really antsy that it wasn’t going to happen since we hadn’t ever discussed anything about our future together. However, I wanted to give it more time and hear his input before I started really considering calling the whole thing off. Also, this past year in particular, I’ve just felt like my BF has stopped trying. He didn’t send me anything for Valentine’s Day (not that it’s that important, except that he’s done it every single year we’ve been together), and since moving in together, he had basically stopped doing his share of the housework despite the fact that he works far fewer hours than me and is home all the time. In a nutshell, I felt like he was getting far too comfortable, and I was started to get bored.
Around May or June of this year, the “ex” from four years ago started IM-ing me. At first I ignored him, but then finally gave in to talking to him. Long story short, he wants to get back together with me. I am not interested in having a real relationship with him anymore (mainly because I am not emotionally or intellectually attracted to him and it would never go anywhere, like the first time), except that now, for some reason, I can’t get the thought of how great he was in bed out of my mind. It’s not that I am unhappy with my sex life with my BF at all, but I think as a result of my insecurity that my relationship with my BF isnt going to be the forever kind, I’m subconsciously keeping this other guy on the backburner in case things don’t work out. I would NEVER cheat on my current BF – I’ve never cheated on anyone I’ve ever dated, and I’m not about to start. But part of me wants to entertain sleeping with this “ex” again. What does this mean? I’m not sure if I can just chalk it up to my insecurities anymore. What’s wrong with me? I have the greatest BF, and I have confirmation that he wants to marry me, we’ve talked several times about his being comfortable and acting like my roommate and he’s slowly moving out of that, but there’s a part of me that still feels like it’s kind of an empty promise. I know I should stop talking to this other guy. Again, I have no intention of meeting up with him for coffee, let alone anything else. But I guess the reason I keep talking to him is because I know how attracted he is to me (and it basically makes me feel better about myself). Ugh! It’s not a situation I would have ever imagined myself being in, but I’m not sure what the best way out is!
Has anyone ever gone through anything similar? What did you end up doing? Would love to hear anyone’s (non judgemental 🙂 ) advice.