(Closed) What Does this Mean? (long)

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think this is more about you feeling unappreciated by your BF than it is about this ex. It’s easy, when things aren’t going all that well in our relationships, to think back on previous relationships and focus on the good things in those relationships – in this case, amazing sex, which let’s be honest is a pretty big draw. But you had nothing else with this person (been there!) so, yes, stop talking to him. It’s only tempting fate. Nothing good is going to come of that. I think you should focus on bettering your relationship with your BF and spicing things up with him so it doesn’t get boring, because if you keep talking to this guy and continue to be overly comfortable and bored in your relationship you are going to end up breaking it off with BF (who you may have a future with) and sleeping with good sex ex (who you don’t have or want a future with).

Post # 4
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I 100% agree with kittyachi.

Post # 5
1565 posts
Bumble bee

I think that you should figure things out with BF one way or the other before you continue contact with the other guy (or any other romantic prospect, for that matter).

In your post, you talk about how your BF “has stopped trying” and is “getting far too comfortable.” But at the same time you say he’s “the greatest boyfriend.” So it’s hard to tell whether you guys have an actual relationship problem or if this is just the normal relationship ennui that happens to everyone. On one hand, just because he wants to marry you doesn’t make him a great BF. On the other hand, if his only flaws are not doing housework and forgetting to give you something on V-day, then you’re pretty lucky.

I would think long and hard about your priorities in the relationship, about what you are happy with and what you wish he would do differently. Think about how likely he is to change those parts of the relationship you don’t like. Is he willing to make the relationship more interesting? To change bad habits? Once you’ve figured out where you stand, you should keep talking to him about how you feel. Maybe the fact that you’re wondering whether to leave the relationship will inspire him to try a little harder. Just don’t threaten him or anything like that – talk honestly about how you feel, your fears, wants,  etc.



Post # 7
1565 posts
Bumble bee

@altarego007 It sounds like he’s a great guy! Your story is very interesting for me to hear because we went through some similar issues not too long ago. I’m also very emotional and am all about talking through issues, while he prefers to bottle things up inside. I felt just like that – that he was already “resigned” to being with me, that he wasn’t giving me proof of his love, etc. Working through all of this took a lot of time and a lot of effort on both sides. I asked him a lot of questions to help him express how he felt and encouraged him to talk more. I also tried to focus on all the little things he did rather than waiting for big romantic gestures. For us, things really did change on both sides – little by little, both of us helped each other become better people inside the relationship and in our lives in general. Not to say that we never have any issues now, but I do think it’s possible to make things better. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!

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