Post # 46
- Wedding: December 1969 - Montsalvat, Victoria
That’s rough OP! Sounds like your husband needs a reality check – you work longer hours and do almost all the housework too?!
My husband and I both work pretty demanding jobs in global financial services and our hours are pretty much the same. Some weeks he has more after hours functions than I do because of the division he’s in but we make it work. Generally Darling Husband does the cat litter, feeds the cat (mainly because im pregnant at the moment), vacuuming, laundry, dishes, puts the bins out and generally tidies the house. I do 90% of the cooking (or book a restaurant if I’m too tired/we’re working late), ensure all the bills are paid, do the miscellaneous shopping (e.g. buying presents for birthdays, wedding gifts etc) and ensuring our schedules are up to date and in sync – e.g. reminding him we have a wedding this month and he needs to reschedule his work dinner because it’s his sisters 21st birthday that evening. I do the gardening because I happen to like gardening lol. Although my husband does all the building type projects around the house because he likes doing them on weekends eg; my planter boxes, building the decking etc. I also tend to organise the “bigger clean” jobs that require external resourcing like getting the wood floors treated, getting the carpets steam cleaned at the start of spring, having our gutters cleaned out etc. I don’t think the division of labour is entirely even but it works for us and I’m SO greatful my husband is happy to do all the daily chores that I’d otherwise get a cleaner for! Although to be honest, looking into a cleaner now that we’ve got a baby on the way – we’d like to spend as much time with our munchkin as possible so having a cleaner could free up some of that time for us!
Post # 47
I feel like it depends on the culture. I am originally from Eastern Europe and there men do way less tham women. In Europe and North America men do almost as much as women. Even though my husband is the main breadwinner he loves cooking so he usually does all the cooking. I do most of the cleaning because I love cleaning and we both do laundry and shopping for food. I feel like if you work more you should do less (even though I work less and he does more but it’s his decision, he loves cooking and grocery shopping)…If you work more OP, your hubby needs to step up
Post # 48
LMAO! Never underestimate the power of a good buss down.
cls6 : My husband only lives with us 1/2 of the week. (He lives and works an hour away the other days). I have a home that I purchased, myself, before we married and we share a child. Even though he’s only around 3-4 days a week, my husband does significantly more than you’ve shared that your husband does. And he doesn’t complain about being asked to contribute, either. Also, he’s not naturally a neat person- he was raised in a family that didn’t really have strict gender norms but everyone (male and female) is pretty messy. So he’s grown a lot in our time together primarily because he knows I need for my living space to be clean and organized.
Also, I’ve gotten better at being more flexible about aspects of his lingering messiness because he does so much to provide and take care of me/us otherwise- (he does most of the cooking when he’s home, most of the dishes, laundry for himself and our son (not mine because I’m particular and have requested that he not), any other cleaning I point out (the need for which remains invisible to him), all building and renovation projects I request (we are renovating our bathrooms right now and he’s done most of that work. We will be replacing the flooring on our first floor this summer and he’ll be doing most of that), he’s also my personal trainer and he gives me massages pretty reguarly as well (I have some back injuries that cause chronic pain). Plus he’s funny and super cute and has a great ass.
In your situation, OP, I would throw the whole man away. You can do all of that work you are doing by yourself (or find a roommate who is another mom with a child and draw up agreements about who does what around the house). What need to you have for him when you have to do all the work in your household, anyway? Not worth it. What you described is you having another child, not a partner. Fuck that.
Post # 49
My SO is a lot neater and chore-oriented than I am but I feel like what we do is kind of even.
Typically I cook 2 dinners a week, he makes 1
Until I started working from home he would do most of the dishes throughout the week but now that’s me
He vacuums the whole place once a week while I just spot vacuum things like my daily hair brush fall
I clean the bathroom once a week and am also in charge of any mould killing in the shower or on the walls (our bathroom has no windows so I need to do this regularly)
We grocery shop together once a week
We do laundry together once a week, then put away our own clothes
He takes out the garbage and recycling
Post # 50
We have no kids and we are fairly even on house chores I’d say? I feel like the things that make it “uneven” are because I like how I do things and feel like I’d just be re-doing/fixing some if I asked him to take some things off me (which he would if I asked).
All me: Laundry (my choice), paying bills (I’m more organized in that area and I feel more comfortable when I know what’s going on), bathroom up keep, tidying of living room area (just something I naturally do daily…hardly even think about it and just do it).
All him: Most outdoor chores – Warm weather lawn/garden care, Winter weather snow blowing (he enjoys it…I don’t), Garbage day each week (because he remembers and I don’t), feeding the cats (majority of the time he just does it), keeping our cars clean (inside and out).
Split tasks: Making dinner (his job hours fluctuate from summer to winter…winter time he is home much earlier than me and opposite in the summer so it’s usually whoever gets home first who starts it), cleaning the kitchen, weekly vacuuming/sweeping (we tend to do this on weekends and just each do our part), grocery shopping (we like to do that together most of the time).
Actually – after taking the time to think about this and write this out I’m really proud of my husband and myself. We’ve never actually discussed chores or the division of them. We’ve never had to have a talk about one of us not pulling our own weight and we just work well in this area together. There are things he dislikes that I realize I don’t mind doing….and things I dislike having to do that he does instead. There have obviously been times in years past where I’ve needed to wake up and do snow removal and there are times he wants an item of clothing I haven’t washed yet so he’ll run a load of laundry. But this list is very accurate of our lives.
There are two jobs that we HAVE discussed that are solely mine and solely his and they are as follows:
My job: Cleaning up cat puke.
His job: Picking up the “dead” as I call it. (AKA…any creatures our cats kill and bring to us as “gifts”)
Oh – one more household rule – whoever gets out of bed last makes the bed. 🙂
Post # 51
my husband actually does all the cleaning (cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, mopping, etc.) and I do all the day-to-day stuff (cooking, laundry, tidying up). He also does all the fix-it type stuff around the house because I would have no clue how to. He usually takes out the trash and does the yard work, but I do all the gardening (planting flowers, etc.). We do the grocery shopping together on the weekend. I definitely feel like he does more than his share so I’m happy.
Post # 52
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Defintely, not fair. My partner and I share the majority of the work. I cook, he cleans. He pays for a cleaner bi-weekly who does our laundry and cleans the house. But, I put 4x more money into our joint line if credit. He pays for all of our house hold bills (mortgage, cable, internet etc.) and I buy our groceries. I also put more money into our leisure time (international trips), but he will pay for our date nights, which run from $200+ a night. I think things are pretty fair, this is also considering he makes more money then me. All in all it should feel equal and right now it sounds like you’re doing alot more work.
Post # 53
Mine does dishes, the cat box, his own laundry, most of the grocery shopping, makes his lunches and cooks for himself most days (he’s finicky and quite structured about what he eats, so I just cook what I like and he can either help himself or make something else), plus yard stuff in the summer. He is utterly useless when it comes to other cleaning (counters, floors, bathrooms, vacuuming, etc.), and we both work full time and commute, so we pay for a cleaning service (prior to that we used to fight all the time about chores, so it’s money very well spent!).
Post # 54
Pretty even around the house! I do the cooking, dishes, laundry and he does any assembling of furniture, lawn work, making the bed, and any heavy lifting.
Post # 55
My husband does ok round the house, more than most I reckon but I just wish he would do more of the deeper cleaning. He tidies alot and gets on my goat about picking my stuff up etc but when it comes to bleaching the bathroom, disinfecting the kitchen sides and cupboards, wiping the hob, dusting, cobweb removing, wiping the cats paw prints off the surfaces, mopping floors etc, its like all of a sudden he’s blind! lol He is wonderful with our child though, I work 45hr weeks but have up to 4hr travel time a day added to that so he does the mornings with the kid alone and then we both do evenings. He also works 45hr weeks.
Post # 56
Well, we don’t have any kids yet (currently 8 mos pregnant) but my husband does some things. I think I do the bulk of the tidying up but he does the bulk of actual deep-cleaning. We also only live in an apartment, so our responsibilities are lesser. But still, he does the dishes, recycling, garbage, and occasionally makes the bed. He also is the bathroom cleaner (thank goodness!) and does the cat litter, especially now that I’m pregnant but also just because he does it at the same time as the trash, so it’s just convenient. He also does the taxes (thank goooooodness!). He also does everything regarding the cars, minus putting gas in my car, which I do when I need to, obviously.
I do all the laundry, finances (minus taxes), and cooking and grocery shopping, and I always find myself spending 15 minutes a day just tidying up the place, such as putting dirty dishes in the sink and wiping down counters, dusting, and hanging up sweaters and coats.
Things will likely change when the baby is born, but this works for us for now!
Post # 57
My hubs is pretty kick ass about housework. I do give him a honey-do list in the morning, but often, he will go off-script and do other chores I don’t have listed. Right now, I work longer hours than him and have a longer commute, so he is bearing the brunt of housework. He poop-scoops our backyard (we have 3 large dogs), sweeps, mops, does the dishes, laundry, and etc. I do chores, too (laundry, cleaning the kitchen, taking out the trash, and etc.), but not as much as he does.
I do 100% of the cooking for us. He does not know how to cook beyond just a few dishes. I do most of the dishes, and I do most of the laundry, but he pitches in where and how he can.
He’s a big ol’ sweetheart and genuinely wants to do anything he feels would make my life easier. I definitely would not complain at all. 🙂
Post # 58
We both work full time (although he works from home), and have two young kids.
Generally speaking I handle most of the kids stuff (their laundry, appointments, any shopping for them, keeping track of which damn theme today is at daycare, and all the fun “invisible labour” of moming), and he handles the house stuff (bills, renos, shoveling/mowing the lawn).
We split daycare pick up/drop off, and we meal prep and cook together, or generally he starts dinner and I help finish when I get home. We take turns on dishes etc, and have a cleaning lady so it’s mostly just tidying up.