Post # 1
Hi Bees! I’m wondering what things your SO wants/needs to get done or accomplished before taking the next step? Has your SO told you or do you just know?
My boyfriend is a car guy. He has been in love with cars since he was a child. He finally told me what’s holding him back from buying a ring or making moves on purchasing a home together. He has a truck that he wants to build up and use as a portfolio piece for his future business of restoring classic cars. I am fully on board with his plan and am super thankful that he finally has communicated what’s holding him back. Once he has the truck together (or at least the parts purchased) we will start the preapproval process for buying a house which will be in the next 6 months. The real waiting begins!
Post # 2
A year ago he told me money, graduating college and renting a place was necessary before getting engaged (which I agreed). But now that we’ve accomplised all those he is now saying I need to have a closer relationship with his family. Sigh. Props to your fellow for being straight forward!
Post # 3
My SO wants us to be together between 4-5 years as he believes this is a solid amount of time (4 years this month 🙂 ) and I know that he wants to have a stable job – he’s old school and wants to ask my dad for permission first but doesnt want to do it before he gets a full time job (although he is currently working 4 days p/w!) He also wants us to move into our new place first which is this weekend! So fingers crossed lol
Post # 4
My SO gave me three things he wanted to accomplish:
1. To settle into his new job (he settled… and decided he hates it)
2. To buy a house so his son can go to a better school district (his mom enrolled him in her school district anyways, although it was because my stepson didn’t want to leave his friends).
3. Finish school (he was supposed to be done in July, but randomly decided to take 4 months off and then drew out his last few classes so he’s not busy over the holidays).
Zero of these went as planned and are, therefore, non-excuses. We’re pretty much engaged now anyways since we’re planning the wedding together, but he still plans on officially proposing really soon!
Post # 5
I don’t know if this counts since I am already engaged. Anyways my fiance wants to pay off his car and other important bills such as credit cards and such. Than pay off the wedding. We are having a small wedding and after all is set and done we are going to purchase our first house together. I can’t wait.
Post # 6
Currently, DBF and I are just trying to get to a more established point in our lives. We are both full-time college students, and I currently work a very stressful job on the side. DBF also works, but his job is seasonal, and it’s his off-season now.
While we agree that we want to live together before marriage, we don’t view living together as a prerequisite to engagement. However, we would both prefer to be closer to moving in together by the time we get engaged.
Lastly, there’s the age and timing factors. We’ve been together for over 2 and a half years, but I am 20 and he is 19. We don’t really view our ages themselves as something that holds us back, but since we are still living with our respective parents, DBF used to be really concerned about parental disapproval on his side (he was born in Western Europe, and he was worried that they would be disappointed if they learned we were thinking of marriage so young.) Thankfully, DBF now believes that his family likes me enough that it wouldn’t be as much of a problem, but we still have those other things to sort out.
Post # 7
We didn’t begin discussing marriage until we both finished school and bought a home. Once we discussed it, there was nothing else that needed to be done on either of our parts nor any excuses. We moved forward with choosing a ring and planning a wedding.
Post # 8
Stephs89: unless he has specifically said he has intentions of marrying you and has given you a timeline, i highly suggest not buying a house together. there have been a ton of bees here who have done that, and end up 5 years down the road with still no ring. i think it’s just too risky.
Post # 9
I’m not really sure. I didn’t have a great “waiting” weekend. SO and I actually had a big talk. He has made it clear many times that I am the one and he wants to get married. He recognized that we are both financially stable, have great jobs, are at a good point in her our lives, etc, etc… but he says it isn’t the right time and he feels too young (we are both in our late 20s). He also says we have “only” known eachother for two and a half years… and we’ve “only” lived together for a year. I respect his opinions entirely, but I can’t help wondering how long he thinks is suitable. IMO, I’ve always thought that you should know for sure by the two-ish year mark if it’s the right person. I told him that and he said I am the right person, but then a lot of things he says seem to contradict that. Love him to death… but this is when my insecurities really rear their ugly and head and I start thinking maybe it’s me… maybe I’m not the right one. Ugh. It’s been a tough couple of days for me and I need to get out of my head.
Post # 10
He hasn’t said it out loud, but I know he is waiting until his car is paid off (it almost is!). We have been together for 1.5 years, living together for almost a year. We both have well-paying stable jobs. I’m THINKING (and hoping!) it’ll be sometime within the next 6 months or so.
Post # 11
(Me 34, Him 40) DEBTS
My SO still has a large amount in student loans left over from law school. He wants to get those paid down before we get married in 2016. He’s been putting all of his extra money toward the payments rather than saving up for a ring. He’s a sneaky one, though, so he might have taken my advice and bought something reasonable rather than a ring worth 3 months’ salary.
He agreed to an engagement sometime between September of this year and March of next, which would put us a year out from our hypothetical wedding. Obviously he hasn’t done it yet. Our two-year anniversary came and went. I thought for sure he’d do it before Thanksgiving, but now I’m pretty sure it won’t happen this month. Just a feeling. I do know that if it hasn’t happened by April 2015, we’re going to have another talk about things.
Post # 12
catpeaches: Great advice! In the next 6 months or so we are going to look into the preapproval process of buying a home. He has said that we will be engaged before we actually make a purchase. I couldn’t commit to a 30 year mortgage with somebody that has no commitment to me (i.e. a ring!)
Other Bees: I think it’s great that your SO’s have plans in place and want to start your marriage on the right foot, weather that be finishing a degree, paying off debts, etc!
Post # 13
My SO is waiting for a divorce!! I know a lot of you ladies on the other side of the pond will have an opinion on this, but we have a complicated story…. At the moment he has been separated for 5 years and me for nearly 4, we have been together for 3 years and living together for 1. My divorce is due to be completed in the next month, but his ex has been quite a drama queen in the past when it comes to their children. Things have settled down with her over the last 9 months, so we are hoping that after christmas, she will be in the right frame of mind to agree a divorce without using the kids as a weapon to get her own way!. We have discussed marriage and we both wish we had met each other years ago, as we get on so well. I didn’t realise how much I really wanted him as my husband until last christmas…….
Post # 14
My SO wants to have his degree (understandable) and be financial stable (which is broad). Basically even though we live together, he’s still financially dependent on his parents for certain things like his cell phone, and insurance. He wants a steady job where he can pay for these things on his own and not have to rely on his parents for help. I get it, but it’s frustrating because now we have a joint account and we pay our bills together and save money for our future. I just don’t think he or his parents are ready to cut the cord. I am financially indepedent and have been since I was 18. I’ll just keep waiting though and see what happens. He’ll have no excuse after 26 though!
Post # 15
We have both agreed we would like to be engaged by September 2015, and SO has told me, once he has sold his ute, he wants his bank balance back up to $20k (he would be more than half way there once the ute sells) before he saves for an engagement ring.
A stand in would be fine though 😛