Post # 1
Hi, so I’ll try and keep a long story short but one of my best friends who I live a few hours away from for a few years now has depression. Something I went through many years a go and have the occasional low day so I can help to a degree but I’m struggling to know what to do/say next to help her as I am very worried about her.
She has always been a sensitive girl and comes from a family who many seem to have depression and very up and down behaviours. On the outisde she looks like the girl who has it all….very pretty (many girls would be envious she’s slim, big breasts, lovely hair, big eyes) she has 1-2 hoildays a year and many mini weekends away with her mum which often include spa days/afternoon tea etc. She’s late 20’s, lives at home with her parents, works for family company. She is such a sweet, caring person but does have a fiery side too. With all this great stuff on paper you think she can’t be depressed and she says this herself but she is very sad 🙁
Was in a relationship for 10 years, he left and got and now engaged to another girl. This broke her, very upset by this. Got with other guys but nothing serious and then found this one man last autumn who swept her off her feet. He’s a bit older looks great, got his own company etc and bought her gifts and took her away to Italy for a few days. She really was smitten and in love. This is what she wanted a man who could protect her and do all this lovely stuff but as often with a lot of people who seem too good to be true they can be. He already has children with an ex (which was okay for my friend) but he has cheated on my friend with his ex a number of times, he emotionally hurts her through the stuff he says and they are always on and off. I’ve watched her last year go from someone who seemed to be getting a bit better managing her depression to now she is always crying as they’ve ended it yet again. Anyway you catch my drift.
also her Nan died a few years ago and it really affected her. She often goes to speak to her at her grave when she feels very low.
She turns to me a lot as I listen. I think she really wants a happy relationship, children etc which is what a lot of us want but I feel she puts a little too much importance on that instead of doing things for her and loving herself. She spoke a few months back about doing a course at the college and I thoight this is brilliant something to focus on, maybe meet some different people etc but she hasn’t spoke of it since. It’s hard when all her friends and her ex of 10 years are either in long term relationships/engaged/married and I get that but at the same time she needs to learn to love herself and not put her importance in what men think so much. She’s now upped her ant depressant dosage and said she’ll go to the doctor and ask for counselling but a few times shes said that and it still hasn’t happened.
I’m wondering are there any books or something that I can do to help her? She can be suicidal and that scares me 🙁
Post # 2
Debsy : Knowing that she has disclosed her medication and efforts to get help with you, I don’t think it would be inappropriate to offer to help her with scheduling an appointment with a therapist. Sometimes just having someone willing to make a phone call or do a little research for you can help when you feel parayzed or overhwlemed with how to start.
It’s wonderful that you can be there for your friend but it sounds like you are both aware that it’s not a replacement for professional help.
Post # 3
Speck_ : Thank you for your advice. I think I will see if I can do something like that for.
That’s it I can only advise her so much, I do feel like she needs some proffessional help to help her along. Some days I wish I could take her away from the small town she lives in and have her at mine and have it be a fresh start for her but I know she’d not want to be that far from her Mum.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2018 - The Venue, Barkisland, UK
As somebody who’s suffered from depression several times, I wanted nothing more than for everybody to piss off and leave me alone. In reality, and as much as I didn’t like it at the time, I needed people to keep on at me.
The reality is you can’t force somebody with depression to do anything about it and the individual has to be ready, but you can encourage and cajole and nag for the counselling appointment to be set up. I think most importantly make sure that she knows you’re there for her and that it’s OK for her to be depressed, but you’re willing to help however you can when she’s ready.
I will add that at no point was I ever suicidal, and that may change things slightly but I don’t know. I had.. “observations” about how X could happen, but there was zero intent.
Post # 5
I struggled with depression a few years ago after an emotionally abusive relationship. I went to therapy and it helped, and I’m still healing, but what REALLY helped was the fact that while I didn’t have a lot of friends (I prefer it that way), I have only a few close ones, and they were always there for me, along with my new (at the time) bf and a couple of my professors (I’m in a smaller field where I work closely with a lot of people).
Mostly I was honest with my friends about how I felt and I developed a support system as I worked to feel better. A couple of them walked with me to therapy appointments on occasion (I am in college and the counseling center is walking distance from classes). My boyfriend held me when I cried and EVERY NIGHT when I fell asleep, and he loved to cheer me up with good jokes and my favorite music when I wanted him to. I am doing much better now, but he still loves to make me laugh!
Having dealt with this, I can say you’re already doing a lot for her by being there. You’re great simply by just caring for her and coming on here for advice. Ask her how you can help more with counseling-going to therapy can be an ordeal if you do it alone. Basically-offer her a shoulder, your honest opinions, and a way to talk about feeling better. That’s what helped me the most.