(Closed) What “Etiquette” Rules are you throwing out the window?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am including my registry info in my invites..not on the actual invites but on an insert with guest info. I dont care if it’s “tacky” I happen to thing its very useful! Also why is it ok to include it in shower invites but not the wedding ones? What’s the logic behind it? I sooo don’t get it lol

Post # 4
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Totally throwing the idea of an inner envelope for wedding invites out… It serves no purpose besides wasting money and paper! 

Post # 5
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

-No inner envelopes

-Putting friend + significant others on the same invitation instead of sending a separate one


That’s all I can think of so far!

Post # 6
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

@jennychicago- the reason the ettiquete says it is “ok” for the regisrty info to be on the shower invites is because a) you dont send them your friends do. and b) the point of a shower is gifts. that is NOT the point of a weding. I am not saying you shouldn’t but those are the “ettiquette” reasons

Post # 7
875 posts
Busy bee

I have received registry info in the wedding invitations and I really dislike getting them.  I actually don’t even really like getting them in a shower invitation, but I think that they are far more appropriate in that case.  I have always been taught that it’s the “job” of the family of the bride and groom and their friends to share that information when asked to share it…  In other words, if someone is calling your Maid/Matron of Honor to say that they are coming to  the shower, and by the way are they registered anywhere it is completely acceptable to share that information.  But sending out a registry card is more like saying… buy me a gift from HERE… rather than if you’d like some ideas of things the couple likes and needs then here are a couple places that have some things that they picked out …    It also is a chance for the Bridesmaid or Best Man, Maid/Matron of Honor, SIL, or Mother-In-Law to share your color preferences and needs so the caller gets the idea of hey… she already has a completed china set, but they really need bed linens…or they are living in a really tiny apartment and don’t really have room for that large pottery sculpture you saw in Arizona. 

Post # 8
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I am going to be forced to break the rules and put registry info in the invites. Our families think that “the rule is stupid and everyone will be looking for them in the invite”. Honesty most of our guests expect this. I think of it as picking and choosing my battles and I will let them have this one.

I am also, not giving separate invites to my grown friends who still live with their parents (unless I am only inviting the friend).

Post # 9
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I nixed inner envelopes, and I didn’t send separate invitations to adult children living at home.  I addressed it as “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and Matthew Smith” on the outer envelope.  It was mostly a cost-saving measure, and also, because I was annoyed at how many adult children on FI’s side were still living at home.  I’m not talking about a 19-year old college student.  Some of these people were in their 30’s. 

Post # 10
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

No inner envelopes.  Planning to address envelopes in less formal/conventional way (haven’t decided exactly how) to avoid the whole “Mr. & Mrs. John Smith” cuz I hate when the woman’s name disappears!  We both (bride & groom) plan to give toasts at the wedding.  We’re not doing traditional escort cards, which some have suggested is a breach in etiquette — we’re putting the seating chart in the program.  We’re also going to receive whatever few gifts people bring in the parking lot of our venue (long story).  Also, we’re having a tiny wedding and having our immediate family do a lot of work the day of the wedding.  Finally, we booked our wedding date & venue without running it by anyone in our families, including those who have to travel across the country.  Our wedding is a hot mess in so many ways!!

Post # 11
2820 posts
Sugar bee

Oh a lot. 

From what you girls are saying my invitations were not proper at all.  We put everyones names who was in that household (including if they were away at college) on one invitation and no inner envelope.

We didn’t register.  I guess this frustrates some people because they don’t know what to get you then, but we have what we need and just said ‘we’re ok’.  So we got a lot of money.

We invited people to the wedding after dinner was done.  Local people in the area that were more his parents friends but we had a couple friends too who showed up later that there wasn’t room for at the wedding. 

On DIY projects I did I refused to write Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname but Mrs. Herfirstname Herlastname (since not everyone invited had changed their name) when my Mother-In-Law did DIY projects with peoples names she wrote Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname whether or not the woman had changed her name to hislastname or not.  I’m sure people were amused at the silent war over how to address people played out but surprisingly not a single person commented, well at least to me.

Post # 12
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Casa Real at Ruby Hill Winery

Here are mine:

– on our invites I put our parents’ first names instead of “Mr. and Mrs. John Jellyfish…” because I don’t like that sexist etiquette tradition

– I put my first and last name on the invite, because I don’t have a middle name

– I put “We have reserved ___ seats in your name” on the RSVP card

Post # 13
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

We’re not using inner envelopes, because I don’t see the point.

We’re sending out invites with only our names on them as we’re the ones hosting and not our parents.

I don’t know if it’s “etiquette”, but I’m doing a lot of unique elements that would NOT be ok at a traditional wedding and would quite possibly offend a few traditionalists.

@trugem I’m in the same boat. Our family doesn’t see the point of not including it and honestly with family dynamics being the way they are at this point, I can’t expect people to call and ask about it or to figure it out on their own.

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