(Closed) What etiquette rules do you consider outdated?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Ugh! This "rule" is totally outdated!
    100% proper invitations with an inner and outer envelope, tissue paper, calligraphy, etc. : (109 votes)
    18 %
    No wearing black / red to weddings : (114 votes)
    19 %
    No wearing white to weddings : (14 votes)
    2 %
    No cash bars (This is regional - only talking about the regions where it's traditionally 'not' done) : (32 votes)
    5 %
    No putting registries / gift requests on the invites : (26 votes)
    4 %
    No short bridesmaids dresses for an evening wedding : (86 votes)
    14 %
    No "form" (Christmas card style) thank you notes : (31 votes)
    5 %
    Favors are required : (79 votes)
    13 %
    Receiving line is required : (117 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I don’t know that “Favors are required” is outdated.  I don’t think it was ever a rule to begin with.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2196 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    I think all of those are outdated except the wearing white to a wedding, Which I just think is kinda rude, unless they just don’t know any better.

    I’m 23 though, I had no idea about 80% of the “rules” until I came here.

    I wish weddings were like..someone could wear a pink wedding dress, the invites can say “yo..be here, have fun, celebrate some love”, everyone eats, drinks, wears whatever they feel the best in and has a good time, without worrying about offending people or being rude or tacky or whatever.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    923 posts
    Busy bee

    I think all of these are outdated except for wearing white to a wedding. To me that is just rude, and trying to compete with the bride. And who does that?? It’s a new day and age. people get so stuck on stuff and pick weddings apart for things that aren’t “proper”. Who cares? I always hate when people go to weddings and sit there with this fake plastered smile on their face and eat the food and take home the favors, and then have the nerve to bitch and moan about everything!! And they do! I find that you find out who your true friends and people who love you are when something good happens to you. Misery loves company, but when something good happens like a wedding people pick it apart and hide behind the guise of “proper etiquette”.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    Personally I don’t consider any of it to be outdated. What many people fail to realize (and don’t care either) is that etiquette is not something to be changed just because you don’t like it, because preventing awkward social situations does not change over time. Traditions can be changed at will because they don’t fall into the same category, contrary to popular belief. Etiquette is in place for a reason, since without it, you will have chaos and people who are offended and inconvenienced right and left.

    I also didn’t vote in the poll just because alot of those selections are actually traditions rather than etiquette.

    Post # 8
    Member
    923 posts
    Busy bee

    People are offended and inconvenienced by weddings all the time whether the couple follows etiquette or not. If something isn’t working, and doesn’t fit into todays time or just that couples wedding, why do it? You can have your wedding however you want, it’s your money. Same for the rest of us. I doubt without etiquette there would be chaos…that’s a little over the top.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I think there’s a parental expectation that your siblings be included in the wedding party or wedding in some way (regardless of what your relationship with said sibling really is like!) – not sure if that’s a ‘rule’ – but it sure is annoying! 😉

    Post # 10
    Member
    317 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’m not a fan of cash bars. I don’t think I went to a wedding that had a cash bar of any sort. Either just wine and beer or free for all booze. Although, the wine and beer one had a public bar on the other side of the country club where you can buy whatever drink you like. But that area was separated from the reception…

    Post # 11
    Member
    461 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I just voted for the invitations, the other ones I think have their place and make sense. Favors are given as a thank you to your guest for coming. Reciving lines are nice because they allow all the guests to meet the couple (Just went to a wedding where the bride only spoke with her bridesmaids and made no effort to speak to any of her guests. I almost felt like she was avoiding me!).

    But the invitations, the whole inner and outer envelope, not being able to use technology (like a printer vs. hand writing). That’s just dumb and not eco-friendly!

    Post # 12
    Member
    940 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    whether etiquette or tradition, it doesn’t matter. many etiquette rules are old fashioned and no longer will offend the mass if these rules aren’t followed.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    The way your “supposed” to address invites Mr & Mrs Joe Smith! BARF!!! no one better EVER address me like that

    Post # 14
    Member
    2249 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    @mishelleez: I LOVE it. And we had an older guest whose husband had long passed away who was very offended that she wasn’t addressed as such.

    I agree with @Ember78  Most of those are traditions and not ettiquette- But I think things that are actual ettiquette are there for a reason, to allow people to feel comfortable. It is just the rules of politeness.


    Post # 15
    Member
    769 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    @mishelleez: I totally agree!  I got married – I didn’t take over my husband’s first name.  I’m okay with Mrs. HisLast.  But Mrs. HISFIRST HisLast – no thanks.  

    Post # 16
    Member
    318 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I didn’t know there ever was a rule about not wearing red to weddings.  Why?  Can someone explain for me?  

    (1/2 of my wardrobe is red and my BM’s will be in red) 🙂

     

    I also thought favors were more of a newer tradition?  I know when my sisters got married in the 70’s and 80’s they didn’t have favors (unless matchbooks with their name on them count)  I don’t see the point of favors.  I think it’s great if people want to do them, but I have never thought of them as required.  

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